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Don't want him to change...or do I?
My boyfriend and I have been together since last February. I was working on ending it last summer and surprise, we're pregnant! During the pregnancy, the issues I had went away and we were very happy about our soon to be family. We went and got a house and now our son is a month old, who we both love dearly.
I am currently on maternity leave, will go back to work at the beginning of August, followed by starting Nursing School in September.
My issue: I am well aware my boyfriend works hard and pays the mortgage (I'm still assisting in utilities, my phone, and a medical bill I have), but I cannot stand cleaning up after him. I feel I have two children. He works a weird shift (5:30pm-4:00am) and had recently started taking care of our son when he wakes up in the 4:30am-6:00am hours which I am thankful for because I appreciate the rest. He will also spend time with him when he wakes up before work (1:00pm-4:30pm), which is when I wash bottles, run errands, shower..but I'm still involved in his care during this time.
I'm scared I am going to loose my mind when I start school and have to continue cleaning up after him. It is just stuff such as leaving the toliet seat up (with urine on the edge), crumbs all over the counter, cigg butts just left on the ground (I don't smoke). I do explain some of these issues (which usually come out after a fight), other issues, I'm afraid to say anything because I'm scared it will turn into a fight. His mother has ruined him. He has never had to clean up after himself, she has never inforced that. I do blame her (It also doesn't help our parents are best friends). I also want him to assist me in washing bottles/dishes, doing laundry, and other various household chores.
I also have comparing issues to a previous boyfriend who was a complete ass. This is just because he took care of his house, car, and himself. My current doesn't cheat or lie to me...why can't I dissmiss the minimal issues I have and be thankful I am in a honest relationship??
Are these issues ridiculous? How do I ease up on him? I don't want to split up family, but I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. Suggestions please.
Re: Don't want him to change...or do I?
These issues are not ridiculous, especially when you have a little one that you are now responsible for. I think it's healthy in a relationship to have reasonable expectations of your partner. I recommend you have a conversation about this NOW, before returning to school. Let him know what you need from him and what you expect when it comes to cleaning up after himself. But give credit where credit is due... he's financially supporting your family, participating with child care when he can, etc. Don't lose sight of that. I find it's good during a confrontation to say something like "Hey, I really appreciate you do X, you're awesome... but it would be a huge help if you did Y too!"
Good luck.
Honey, issues do NOT go away.
You merely glossed them over or ignored them during your pregnancy.
Might I ask why you didn't make sure the relationship was over, even after you found out you were pregnant?
You could have given the child up for adoption or if you opted to kieep the child, get child support from him.
Never stay with a guy because a kid is on the way: that's the moral to the story.
This guy sounds like a real slob. You're already incompatible on that level.
For love of mike, call it a day with this guy. I don't know what your issues were but if you were serious about ending the relationship, it had to be pretty bad.
Better you and he are happy and apart rather than you are miserable and together. You are already walking on eggs around this guy and ugh, who needs a slob.
Tarpon - you are one tough cookie! I have old fashioned values, it works in my relationship, I don't expect it to work in every relationship. I think what she did was commendable, trying to keep a family unit together for the sake of this child. But that's just me.
And honestly, I don't think the guy is slovenly... they are ultimately minor (albeit annoying) bad habits. I don't think leaving the seat up is a good enough reason to throw in the towel. There may be other issues at play but based on what we do know, I think it's silly to break up over this stuff.