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Women, work & babies
To start a little discussion, I'll bring up something that's been on my mind lately.
So I've noticed that all (with very few exceptions) of the women that are in the really top positions within my agency and the agency I am a liaison to, don't have kids. I'm in the federal law enforcement sector so the hours in general can be very wonky and just generally demanding. Since returning from ML with DS it's something I've taken note of whenever I meet a woman in a senior position that they either are married/no-kids or not married at all. And these are women that I see on a somewhat regular basis, so I don't just assume that with every woman I meet that doesn't have a ring on their finger is either not married or doesn't have children. So it makes me curious/anxious how far I can actually go in my field before deciding that I will have to make some very serious sacrafices when it comes to time with my family, or just not try to keep moving up.
Any thoughts or other experiences?
Re: Women, work & babies
that's interesting.
I noticed that when I was starting working (which is almost 20 years ago now) that most of the senior/successful women were either not married and definitely didn't have kids. I notice that alot less now.
Howevever, my immediate supervisor is single w/ no kids (divorced many years ago). Its interesting to me b/c sometimes they want me to do something on the weekends and it is a major/almost impossible feat for me to accomplish something work related during the daytime on the weekend. We just have so much we NEED to get done to prepare for the week. Its not a "oh, I miss the playground trip this weekend" its "oh, we don't go to Target on the only day I have more than 30 mintues to run errands so we coudl conceivably run out of toilet paper tomorrow (or not have gas in the car) or not have laundry for the week, etc. When I hem and haw - I really don't think she has any idea of the constant conflicts I have between my responsiblities here and at home. Plus, I actually want to be home more, I want to be with DD and DH. I liked going home when I was single too (and some days I miss that empty, spotless, quiet house) but I didn't need to be home the same way I "need" it now. I work w/ a lot of men too (who have kids and wives that work) but working on the weekends is not such a struggle for them. I don't think they have the internal constant monitoring going on that I do that causes my conflicts.
I feel exactly the same way, with everything I bolded. I've had to turn down 4 different trips for work since having DS because they wanted me to go last minute (like "hey, can you leave for a week or two weeks on monday" and it's a friday afternoon) because I can't just up and leave. We have to make arrangements to have backup if DH needs to leave early, and we have to walk our dogs twice a day because we don't have backyard space for them to use and it would take 4 times as long for DH to do that with DS (now that he can walk), and honestly I cringe at the thought of being away for a week or two. I have gone on a few trips, when they give notice, but they wear on our family. It's stressful and inconvenient, and we always need my IL's or my parents to help out and we feel guilty having to ask that frequently when they work and have busy weeks too.
Even with DH, I know I have more of an internal struggle with when I have to work late and don't see J before he goes to bed than DH does. He feels guilty, I know he does, but I just don't sense that it takes the toll on him that it does on me. But I know that the weekends he has to work, he will b!tch and moan about how much stuff we wont be able to get in line for the next week.
And I don't know if the women I know who don't have kids made the concious choice not to, knowing it would hinder their careers, or if they just never did because their careers too up most of their time and they never "got to it."
In my office alone almost everyone is married except my department head (she's Vice President of our department). I'm not sure her sisuation, and I don't plan on asking, but from what I gather she liked working, never found the right person, etc.
My boss has made it pretty clear to others in my office that she sees me as family type, never to move up. That really hurt, seeing I do have a degree, so it's not like I just fell into this job. I was hired because of my experience. I'm not sure what I'll do, just yet. My girls are my life and at the moment, I plan to just work here until they are established in school.
i work in a male-dominated field, so much that when I got pg with DS1 they didnt even have a maternity leave policy in place. I don't think having a family would hold me back in getting to a higher position though. most of the people here have kids and understand things like having to leave to go pick up sick kids, dr appts, etc.
my issue is more that because of the size of my company I really cant go much higher since none of the senior people are going anywhere. I'm starting to consider a career change, but that would involve going back to school and its so chaotic with an almost 3 year old and an infant now I can't even fathom. I have no idea what I am going to do.
One thing I was thinking about (in conjunction w/ my vent above about daycare prices); Now, at 40, I am paying the price in many ways for marrying "late" and having a child late (married @ 34, baby @ 37). My career is in full swing and I'm at high middle point - I need to either move up or move on. But, I really don't want to do that - I have little enough time w/ DD as it is (and I'm in a fuckedup career that doesn't allow much flexibility and its a relatively small field) and as she approaches kindergarten, I feel like I'll need more time w/ her myself to make the impact on her I want to. On the other hand, I see my SIL who is the same age, but married younger (26ish) and had her kids younger too. She worked PT when they were young and now as her kids are older (later elementary/middle school) she's ready to start cranking up her career again. She has a different career than me (school nurse) but its interesting to see the options she has and her kids are old enough and flexible enough that doesn't have concerns that I do. Plus, she's spent 10+ cultivating a network of parent/mom friends that help each other out. And, since she can go for promotions and raises now, they can use that money to pay for college and start significanting saving for retirement.
I've paid notice of this too, in both academia and now in industry. I think how far you can go in a career really depends on so many factors, especially the particular career. I do notice now being on a team where some have kids and some do not, there can be assumptions that if you don't have kids you have a more flexible schedule. Sometimes people with kids understandably need to drop things and go to them when there is a problem. While this is understandable, I can see how this isn't always viewed as favorably by management, who often times doesn't have a family.
We haven't made any decisions on kids, but it's been interesting to be in two different cultures of hierarchy and to see how some people handle the balance between family and work so well and others do not. In my experience, it seems like the more help that you have (often times having trustworthy family nearby) makes it easier on women in management and I feel for those who don't have that and struggle to seemingly keep up.
It is so dependent on the industry/company/individual job.
My boss works part time, and some of that is from home. That's her normal schedule, not including when she has to leave early/come in late for doctor's appts, picking up sick kids from daycare, etc. It can get frustrating, because I feel like she's the boss, but doesn't really carry her weight all the time. But that being said, I like that she'll extend that flexibility to me, when I have an LO. But my company is known for its flexibility/non-micromanaged atmosphere. None of the big big bosses have kids, save one, and her kids are teens. I don't think it's possible to do their jobs while having kids. Too many hours, too much travel necessary.
DH's boss is also a woman with kids. She works full time, some days from home, but she relies mostly on her employees that don't have kids to take work trips and to work late.
I haven't read PP responses yet. Yes, I have noticed this since returning myself from ML, and it forced me to make some decisions. One, I recently left my current workplace I'd been at for a very long time because they did not appreciate family and work/life balance (I also was commuting 3-4 hours/day). Also, there are no longer any women in high executive positions at my former workplace- and the one woman who was, did not have kids. I was getting nowhere in my career, especially after having a young child, despite my successful working history and being a huge asset to my department (and being able to prove it with numbers). I've taken a job in another field that values work/life balance, doing the same work I'm doing, but I had to take a lot lesser pay (however, there are better benefits, more vacation days, more time with family). It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make because family time is important to me. I'm interested in hearing others' thoughts and experiences.
i work in a male dominated field but our current administrator is my idol. she has two kids, not even 40 yet, she's a triathalete, in awesome shape, beautiful. she is wonder woman to say the least. she's running a major state government organization (in my eyes).
we have lots of family oriented women in my office, most of my bosses have children with the exception of the ones who do not want kids.