Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I could use a little pick-me-up.
This is going to be kind of long.
So I'm a nurse in RI. I have been friends with the same group of 8 girls that I went to nursing school for 12 years. We met day 1 of college, and happened to take every class together. Over the years, we have traveled together, celebrated life together, and participated in all of each other's life changing moments. We were in each other's weddings, at each others bedside when one was sick, and provided a shoulder to cry on during life's tragedies. This is how we were up until this month.
We are all turning 30 this year, so I suggested that we go on an all girls trip to an all-inclusive resort. This came into fruition on June first. It really couldn't have come at a better time. I have suffered from depression from age 13. My friends knew this and accepted me for who I was. This year, my medications stopped working and I was newly diagnosed with Generalized anxiety disorder. After being hospitalized with severe panic attacks (which in my case increase my heart rate over 160 beats per minute) I was placed on a very strict medication regimen. I was also told that I sould no longer consume alcohol because it would alter the levels of the medications. The medications took a while to work ad I was out on a leave of absence from my job for two months due to being newly diagnosed with agoraphobia and OCD. I explained all of this to my friends, and they were hesitant at first but very understanding. My psychiatrist said that the trip would do me some good, so I went.
We were gone for only four days. The trip went from a dream come true to a complete nightmare. They were constantly drinking. I was not allowed out of their sight because I was the "psychiatric patient" who had to be constantly monitored. I was yelled at and bullied every night. I was told that I was either too reserved when I was quiet or attracting too much attention if I interacted with anyone. I had one panic attack one night and was subsequently called a liar by my "BFF".
I was so happy to come back home that I cried as soon as I was in my husband's arms. I told him everything and he said that they just didn't understand and to give them another chance.
Two weeks later, I was invited to the bachelorette party of one of my friends. I was also asked to decorate the hotel room and make the penis cake. I didn't mind doing this because I love to plan a party. The night went smoothly until I was peer pressured into doing shots. In all of the madness of planning the party, I had forgotten to take my pills. We ended up at a club and at around 1 AM I began to feel sick. I ended up vomiting everywhere and was kicked out of the club. My friends began to yell at me outside of the club. I felt a panic attack coming on so I begged my friends to call an ambulance. The refused and instead called my husband. My husband was more than an hour away so asked if they could take care of me instead. Meanwhile I kept begging for an ambulance; you can actually hear that in a voice mail they left my husband after they continued to try to call him. I was taken back to the hotel room, stripped naked, and left in a tub full of ice water where I continued to vomit. One of my friends who had passed out earlier woke up and got me out of the tub and nto some PJ's (all of this I was told later).
The next morning, I was so hungover and anxious I literary could not walk. Two of the remaining friends (one of which was the bride) began to clean the room. I asked them if they could drive me home because I couldn't drive in that condition. The bride at this point lost total control. She called me irresponsible. Told me to get my "ass" out of bed and help clean up the mess that I made because she was the bride and didn't need to do this. When I said no, she continued to yell at me. She said to me that I had a horrible husband, a family who didn't care about me, and no sense of compassion of others. This she explained was because I had taken all of the attention away from her on her special night. The other girl who was my "BFF" agreed with her and said that all of this was just in my head and that I was just a pathological liar. I was told that I had been uninvited from the wedding and that their actions and the events of the night before would never be explained to me. They left me in the bed in the hotel room.
I reached for my phone and called my husband and family. When my husband arrived an hour later (the hotel was a cheap one in a bad area), he found me in bed with the door of the room completely open. I was delirious at that time from a critically low blood sugar. He tried to drive me to the nearest hospital but did't make it because I began to lose consciousnesses on the road. A state trooper happened to be behind us when he pulled over and called for an ambulance. I spent 8 hours in the critical care area of the ER with just one nurse attending to me; this is where I really began to wake up.
When my parents contacted my friends to let them know what had happened, their response was that they didn't believe me because I was a different person now.
I have defriended them from facebook. Now they are sending text messages that are just repetitive of what had already been said to me. That I was an attention seeking selfish individual. I cannot believe that at the age of 29, I am the victim of bullying caused by the ignorance and prejudice ( with regards to mental health).
None of what I have written has been exaggerated in any sense.
You may be wondering why I am even writing this. I am not looking for attention, but simply a means to vent.
Re: I could use a little pick-me-up.
I apologize in advance for a short reply - I don't have much time tonight, but I will find time for a lengthier reply tomorrow.
You are welcome to vent here anytime. I am so so sorry that your friends treated you so incredibly badly and have no understanding of what it means to have any sort of mental health troubles. You are absolutely right that they were bullying you. I would have expected better from a bunch of nurses.
:: hugs :: Hope you're back to feeling like yourself.
Thanks for the hugs.
These friends, though they've been with you through thick and thin, are not in the same place as you anymore. It scares me to think that they are all nurses too.
People grow up and grow apart. It hurts, but it's true. The best thing that you can do for you may very well be to sever all ties with these ladies. Take care of yourself, Cucca.
I agree with your gut instinct and with Alicia. Despite being your ?friends,? they are no longer the supportive, accepting people that they once were.
I have watched a few of my extended family members deal with depression or bipolar disorder. I think it?s really unfortunate that there are still so many people that don?t see mental health issues as true health issues. They are not something that can be controlled by sheer will. They are often more complex than physical health issues. I wish there was a simple way to change people?s opinions.
I give you a ton of credit for being so in-check with yourself as to see the problems coming. I have a step-brother who struggles with recognizing his symptoms and accepting when something is wrong, and things get far more out-of-control than necessary. Family members spot the problems before he does, but he often times will not accept that they are right and seek help until it is too late, and he spends a week or more in the hospital recovering. I hope you give yourself credit for knowing when you need help and seeking out that help. I?m also very glad to see that your family understands and accepts you because I think support is the biggest help in getting and staying on track.
Have you ever read TheBloggess.com? Her writing is not my style for the most part (she swears a LOT and is very crude and unusual ? but at times downright hysterical), but she struggles with depression and anxiety issues. She writes about them a lot, and is bringing awareness to all mental health issues. I haven?t read the comments, but from things she?s posted about, it seems a lot of people also share their stories and seek (and get) support through her blog. She?s gotten a lot of publicity for these types of things, especially now that she published a book that?s become quite popular.
Anyway, sorry this got so long. I hope you take lots of love and support from your family and find some better friends soon. And I hope your former friends someday realize how shitty they were to you, because there?s no excuse for that type of behavior. Illness is illness, whether physical, emotional, or mental, and they should have been at your bedside cheering you on instead of putting you down.
I am so sorry you had to deal with that! Those are not friends, hopefully they will come around but it sounds like you will be better off without them.
Hugs to you and vent here all you want.
I'm sorry
I understand as I have several family members with mental health struggles. Hugs to you and I think some new friendships might benefit you. Sometimes new friends who know you as what you are now are better friends than friends that have known you a long time. KWIM?