We're having trouble...

Re: We're having trouble...

• TarponMonoxide member

  

  June 2012

  DoodleBug4510:

  I'm having a baby soon, but my husband isn't talking to me. I posted earlier that he's just not excited about any baby things and he's always stressed.  I don't know what to do, but I do know that he doesn't talk to me at night before we go to bed. I try to cuddle with him, but then he turns away from me. I don't know what's up with him. I've tried talking to him about it (outside the bedroom), but he doesn't talk. He just says he's tired or stressed and there's never anything different. I don't know what to do, but as the baby gets closer to coming he grows farther away from me even though I'm trying to fix it.

  I need help from you ladies to give me advice on what I should think about doing. 

  Maybe he feels uncomfortable because of the pregnancy and that's why he won't cuddle with you but what you need to do:
  
  Talk to him again.
  
  Let him know that his nonparticpation is not acceptable. He can't shut you out and he can't give you the cold shoulder. Tell him that he is to participate and you won't take the usual cop out that he doesn't want to talk about it. If he cares about you and your happiness, he will help resolve this problem.
  
  This can't keep happening; get this resolved before the baby arrives. I don't want to see you wind up parenting the child alone while this guy goes off into his own little world.
  
  I suggest a counselor for you -- bounce this problem off the counselor and see what he or she says.
  
  What else is going on here? Was this a planned pregnancy? If it wasn't, maybe he's got an issue with that, and hence his shutting you out; I can only guess -- at any rate, get this resolved. GL.
  
  PS: His withdrawal is disturbing, not to mention immature. He needs counseling for that alone -- and are you sure everything is okay? Is it possible this guy is having an affair? (this is a dangerous time for a marriage; many affairs begin when the partner is pregnant)

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• cbradeis

  June 2012

  Frankly, this is something I simply would not tolerate.  And I wouldn't hesitate to tell him flat out "Your behavior is unacceptable and I deserve to know why this is happening."  I get the apprehension to bringing a baby into the mix, it changes everything in the relationship, your worlds revolve around this little one...  (for what it's worth, I don't know from personal experience, no babies yet, but based on what I see happen in close family relationships).  But completely shutting down and not talking about it, that's a no-no in my book.  Basically I would approach him with a little more force and demand answers, changes, etc.  That's really all I got for you.  Good luck.

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• misspunky member

  July 2012

  My husband went through a phase like this when I got pregnant. He was okay at first, but then when my belly started getting big, it was like he freaked out and didn't want anything to do with me. I still feel like that sometimes, especially when he's really stressed. It's natural for dads to be to experience all those emotions. I would be asking if there's something that I can do to make the situation better and see what he says. Men aren't the best communicators, so I just try different approaches with my husband to see if he'll start talking. He eventually does, and I do my best to work out whatever is bothering him/us. I hope you guys can figure it out!

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• ninamarie1324@yahoo.com

  

  July 2012

  I know this post is a little older but I'm hoping I can help a little too. My best friend went thru this with her first kid. It was a planned pregnancy but her DH got really weird about it as her belly grew. She was super awesome about it and told him she was there for him if he needed/ wanted to talk about it. With me, she expressed her fears and ranted and raved, but even still she realized that for whatever reason he needed her support at that time. When the baby was born, he absolutely fell in love with his new son... And it wasn't until months later that he was able to tell her how scared he was that their relationship would be entirely different. He was having fears about not liking the baby, and about feeling jealousy of all the time she was going to be giving to her new little one. He was afraid of losing her and thought he would come off as childish and immature if he expressed that to her - and he didn't want to giver fears about the future if she wasn't already experiencing them herself. Give your DH the benefit of the doubt. And I say that since you're already tried directly approaching him, leave it be, but let him know that you are there for him and still care for him deeply. Good luck!

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