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This is hard
So not sure if you ladies remember but H and I were looking into a hospice home type thing for MIL. Well we had not mentioned this to her until last night. She had pushed us so hard and H was tired of it so he told her. They had their moment and lots of tears were shed and I think it just finally hit everyone that this was the end for her. She had not realized until last night that she was dying.
So she has accepted it and I talked with her nurse this morning and right now she does not qualify for moving there BUT she still is not on full hospice yet. So we are going to switch her to that which offers and does more for her and us. It will give us more help and support unlike what we are getting now.
BIL and SIL are finally seeing things and SIL is stepping up more (thank god.) MIL sees the toll it has taken on H and I and how financially it is hard for us with me not working and him not making a full pay check each week (stupid construction) so MIL is going to help us out. Which may not go over very well with BIL and SIL but MIL is not ready to move and wants to stay with us she is even giving us more than we technically needed financially so that helps A LOT!
Today SIL is going to come over and we are going to help MIL write up/type up a "Will." Basically just a paper they can have and H and I can have saying her wishes and everything. They won't be happy when they find out she is giving me control over most everything including money. H has power of attorney and she even wants me added to that but like I told her he's not going to make a decision without asking me anyways even though that is his mother.
It is nice to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though it's still long at least H and I know we will be taken care of in the end and so will she. It's nice to actually see progress happening. Just needed to get that off my chest a little and tell someone.
Re: This is hard
Hospice does lovely work, I am sorry that you are going through this and need the services, but the are a godsend.
Make sure anything that she types up is notarized or it can be contested in court by other family members. this happened recently to hubby's aunt when his uncle died. he wrote down his wishes but his brother was able to contest it b/c it was notarized. She had to sell their home and give him half.
I will keep your family in thoughts an prayers.
this is almost exactly what i was going to say! hospice is excellent, they really do great work, they helped out when my uncle was dying of pancreatic cancer.
and also the part about getting the will notorized, or having it done professional with an attorney. either way, you want to make sure it's legal so the state or someone else doesn't end up with the assets.
good luck with everything! you and your new hubby are so strong to be taking care of such an emotional/sensitive issue this early in your marriage.
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I feel for you guys having to go through all this, but I ditto what the ladies have said, hospice care can get you much more support and it sounds like its needed.
Especially if there have any comments about whose controlling the money etc, MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS NOTERIZED. I cannot stress that enough! You have had some issued getting the support you need from the in-laws and they could cause trouble after she passes or no longer has control of her own assets, make sure her wishes can hold up in court. None of us want to beleive that it could ever go that way and that family will be respectful, but a suprising amount of cases are exactally these situations where someone beleived they deserve more then whatever was written in the will. A social worker from the home, or maybe even a current caregiver/nurse might know what needs to happen in your state to make her wishes locked in legally.
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I'm sorry that you are going through all of this, you are so strong and your MIL is very lucky to have you. Hospice really is wonderful, and I'm glad that your H talked to MIL about what is going on. I hope she can find peace as she accepts her situation.
Hugs to you all!
What PPs said. T&P for you & your family.
And what PP said about having everything airtight, legally. My father's side of the family is no longer in our lives, and has not been for about 17 years. Had to do with money issues relating to his parents after they passed. It's a long story, but it's just sad the level some people will stoop to for a little bit of cash. Hopefully your BIL & SIL are coming around because they want to be there for your mom, and not because they want their chance to cash in.
AWWWW! That means a lot. I try to do my best by her and for H and I guess it helps that I have been through this a little bit before with my uncle just 3 years ago.
T&P!! I agree that you guys should make sure the will is notarized! I think it's smart to ensure nothing goes wrong!