in-law takeover

lindsayadams80 · July 2012

Hi all -

So, we recently bought a building and we're renovating ourselves. In the meantime we are continuing to live in our small one bedroom apartment. So my husband wanted my father in law to come help with the renovations and he graciously agreed. Originally my in-laws were meant to stay in the other building because there is a bedroom there that wasn't part of the renovations. However, now they have arrived for three weeks and suddenly no one wants to stay over in the other house so they are in my living room on an air mattress for three weeks! On top of it my father in law and husband are always over at the house doing work and my mother in-law doesn't want to go there but she won't take a car (doesn't want to drive here) or take a cab to go anywhere other than the coffee shop two blocks away. So she's just always on my couch. They are insisting they know this isn't a vacation so we should go about our day as normal but it's hard. I have no personal alone time. I think that's just what's killing me. I haven't been alone with my husband (and we've only been married a month and half) or had any time to just watch tv. And we still have two weeks to go. I think I'm losing it. And I can tell I"m getting snippy with them about everything because of my lack of space. I don't mean to be but I'm generally a person that needs a lot of alone time to decompress after the day etc. And now my husband wants to go away with them for the weekend - I personally need time away from everyone not more time with them. What would you do? I'm losing it...

spalko · July 2012

In-law questions are always tricky... There is a fine line between being a great daughter-in-law and being that crazy *** their son married

Seeing how you two have only been married for less than 2 months, I would say that you need your space to share with you new husband, not to share with husband, MIL, FIL and anyone else squatting in your apartment. I would have a talk with your husband and let him know exactly how you are feeling. Communication is the best way to handle a situation like this because eventually you will just explode if you don't talk it out. Tell him how you are feeling and that you just need a little space since all the renovations and crowded living room are leaving you feeling more than a little stressed at the moment. I would also tell him that the vacation doesn't sound like a good idea and you would much rather spend some quality time with him instead of his family. However, don't come off like you don't like his family since that will cause a whole other issue. Just be honest with your feelings and what you want. Hopefully, everything will work out so everyone can be happy but if things get too stressful, I'd suggest a girls weekend away from all the stress.

bpphoto785 · July 2012

Could you & H stay in the bedroom of the building your renovating since your IL's are at your place? Even for a couple nights or a weekend for a break.

Definitely talk to your H about it so he knows how you feel and you two can come up with some other solutions so that you're not going insane. Maybe there's someone who can take MIL out for an afternoon so you can have some alone time.

lindsayadams80 · July 2012

Thanks ladies. Unfortunately we can't stay in the other place becuase after they decided they wouldn't stay there, it kind of became the room for all the junk and cabinets that need to be put in etc. I have talked to my H about it and he's pointed out that his dad is helping us, which I totally get but I like the idea of someone taking MIL out for the afternoon as I would love to just have some "me" time in the house (and not have to go somewhere to get it). All good thoughts, appreciate the advice.

careydes · July 2012

(sorry this is so long!)

For some reason, both sets of our parents really enjoy extended stays at our house.

Last summer, H's parents spent a couple of months here while helping out with the family business (business is here in CT, H runs it, and his parents live in NC). It also wasn't a 'vacation' because they were working, but still, no 'me' time.. I prefer to get home from work and just be me, in the quiet. H usually gets home later than me, so I have that. But when his parents were there, his mom would be home when I got home. And then I would feel like I would be rude if I didn't sit and talk to her.

The whole schedule thing is also rough. How can I make dinner for you all if I don't know when you're coming home, or even if you're eating at home, or stopping somewhere for dinner after work?

Yeah. It wasn't fun.

Honestly, I don't even have much advice, but I just kept trying to remember that this must mean they don't hate me. And I tried to be happy for that.

Of course, this year, my parents are living with us, since they sold their house 3 days after the wedding, and the closing on their condo isn't until Aug 31.

Good luck Vent here as much as you need to!!

mandi921vh · July 2012

I completely get wanting your "alone" time to decompress, I am the same way! Plus you are still newlyweds and you want to spend time alone together. What about having your DH maybe talk to her about getting out of the house for a few hours and going shopping or sitting in a park for a few hours?

It's only for 3 weeks

lindsayadams80 · July 2012

Thanks - I really appreciate feeling like I'm not alone in thinking this way. Especially about that short alone time at the end of the day.

I'm counting down. H has agreed to at least have a date night out this week so we can be alone for a little bit at least.

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