Wedding Question

kermit1800 · July 2012

Would you go to the wedding of someone who tried to ruin your own? What if they are your husband's close family?

Belichick · July 2012

How did they try to ruin your wedding? IMO there is a difference between getting too drunk and actually trying to stop the ceremony.

In a previous post you said your H has cut off most of his family, what happened to that?

kermit1800 · July 2012

No contact with DH's family continues. Invitation came in the mail yesterday after having no communication with SIL/MIL/FIL/BIL for over 6 months.

I would prefer not to go into the details of what happened at our wedding, but it wasn't just a situation of having too much to drink. It was a long, drawn-out process of attempting to stop the wedding and then be as difficult as possible the weeks before and day of/during the wedding ceremony.

I'm interested in hearing peoples' thoughts on what they would do for family. DH is somewhat torn. Do you go so you don't regret not going later (if things improve)? Or do you forget the whole thing?

srgw · July 2012

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't regret it either. Your H could still go on his own though.

BulgariHeart · July 2012

I wouldn't participate in the life of someone who made a conscious effort to damage me/my family. In fact, I don't. My first cousin did a lot less than what you described after my wedding and still we cut all ties with her and her family. I am (we are) happy with this decision and never regretted it, but I can be extreme that way.

I realize that cousins aren't as close as ILs but I'm sure my reaction would be the same. If things do improve in the future I don't think not having gone to a wedding would constitute a "regret", rather I'd be happy with the improvements and take it from there. Or let me put it this way, regretting having gone would be far worse for me. When I give someone a second chance and they blow it I find myself spending sleepless nights regretting having been naive yet again. And I hate that! Let me underline, this is purely my opinion on this kind of matters, which is clearly corrupted by personal experiences. I hope you two can make the right wise choice.

EastCoastBride · July 2012

BulgariHeart:

If things do improve in the future I don't think not having gone to a wedding would constitute a "regret", rather I'd be happy with the improvements and take it from there. Or let me put it this way, regretting having gone would be far worse for me.

This kind of goes to my view of all the "what ifs". Honestly- you can't live your life based on "what if __ happens". What if it DOESN'T happen?

Deal w/ the facts as you know them to be NOW. Make your decision based on that.

This woman tried to ruin your wedding. So.... you'll go to hers "just in case" you all are friendly one day. But in the meantime, what is the lesson she's learning? The lesson is "I can do whatever I want and I'll suffer no consequences. Everyone will act the same towards me because I'm "family" and therefore, I can do no wrong.".

Is that really any better?

Even if you do make amends down the road, I don't see how you'll 'regret' not going to her wedding. RIGHT NOW you don't like her and don't have a good relationship with her. RIGHT NOW being at her wedding is going to upset you. RIGHT NOW you probably aren't going to enjoy yourself.

Even if you become best friends,, it won't change the past. You won't look back in time and remember the great time you had at her wedding - because if you go, that isn't what your relationship is NOW.