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How to deal with out of line MIL?
My MIL is a very sweet lady, but doesn't really have a filter when it comes to her opinions. She's always been outspoken about politics, so my husband and I veer away from discussing anything of that nature.
Yesterday I had posted a news story, that had nothing to do with politics, on FB. Moments after posting, my MIL turns it into her platform for bashing Republicans with using the phrase, "all Republicans are wolves in sheep's clothing". The problem is, my entire side of the family are Republicans, with most of them being on FB and I even have a relative who holds elected office... and she knows this, full well.
I quickly went through and deleted her comments, but the damage had been done. A large portion of my family saw it, and were less than pleased. When my husband came home from work, I let him know what had happened. He said that more than likely she'll call him and want to know why I deleted her comments. I didn't want him to have to get in the middle of it, so he agreed to let her know that she had to talk to me if she had a problem with me.
I'm trying to decide whether to let it go or say something to her. It's hard to believe she can be that oblivious of others feelings, especially when she knows better. I want to resolve this quickly, as we're going for a visit to see her and her husband next month. I don't want things to be weird. Any advice?
Re: How to deal with out of line MIL?
An idea:
Whenever you post anything politics, post it so that she does not have access to the post in her news feed; I believe there is a way you can restrict who sees what you post.
You cannot discuss politics with her. Don't discuss it in her presence and discuss it not where she can, and will, comment on what is said. GL.
But it's your fb page - so in the end, if you do not want her to see certain things you post, either block her from seeing it or just don't post it at all if you are that worried. But she cannot get mad if you block her from seeing those things because it's your page and I feel that people should not have to feel the need to censor themselves on something that is their own personal 'forum'. Well, I guess it would really be within reason, but meh...f-that. You're entitled to have your opinions and should not have to hide who you are.
Funny because I know some of my family and even some of my H's family have completely different views than I do about certain subjects, especially my inlaws, but I do not really refrain from posting stuff on my wall if it's something I believe in, think is funny, not funny, etc - god only knows what they must think seeing some of the stuff I post, but whatevs....my wall, so if they don't like, they know where the unfriend button is. hehehe
For this specific situation, I would speak up. It's your FB and now you are going to be apprehensive about posting anything that could potentially set her off. And of course, you don't want to block/un-friend her. So yes, if it were me, I'd say something - "MIL, I was a little upset by your comments on the story I posted. You know my family is mostly Republicans and most saw what you wrote. Going forward, can you please refrain from making comments about politics directly on my page?"
Hopefully she's open to this and doesn't make a bigger stink. Good luck.
Block her. Whose going to tell her that she isn't seeing your posts?
Past that, I"m going to play a little devil's advocate. Sure, it's "your" FB page, but it's still the internet. Why can't she post whatever she wants to post just because your family has thin skins?
I'm not saying that to flame you or say that they do have thin skins. SHe does sound annoying. But at the same time, I just feel like this is something I'd just turn to my family and be like "Yeah, I saw what she wrote. You know how she is....." and roll my eyes.
I feel you. She sounds like a PITA. But there is just an aspect to this that sounds like you're giving her way too much power in your and your family's lives!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I have my FIL on my restricted list for the same reasons. He always makes very offensive comments and has little regard for other people's feelings and I got tired of it.
Like pp suggested, I'd mention to her that some of your family saw it and got upset/offended by it and you're concerned about their feelings as well. And if she can't stop the unnecessary comments, then block her.
Your family members can also block your MIL - that way they don't see her rants, and you don't have to worry about unfriending her. Your MIL will never know she was blocked (unless she is already friends with them).
I have to say, do you REALLY think your family is going to care what your MIL thinks? Because I see rants all the time, and I just roll my eyes.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This exactly.
Who cares if she has different opinions in politics, my best friend is super liberal and I'm super conservative, but we get along great and she's a great person. When I see some of her posts about politics, I just ignore them or roll my eyes, but it doesn't offend me, make me upset or dislike her. I think the family can manage to see different opinions (or even seemingly ignorant comments) without it being the end of the world. And if they have that big of an issue they can block her.
holy god. it's FB. its not like the world would end if oyu block her from seeing some posts. if your family can't learn to ignore and she can't learn to have a filter block them all. people are entitled to their opinions and give them. if some others can't accept it and you dont want to deal with the hassle then dont let them see what you post!
did you respond to her post asking why she was making it about politics?
I agree with all of this. You are not responsible for what your MIL posts, even on your wall. If your family mentions it, I would just roll your eyes and make a joke out of it.
But having said that, if she does ask why you deleted her comments (and you feel the need to delete more, going forward) tell her the truth. If you prefer to keep controversy off your FB page, no reason you can't just tell her that.
Tarpon is wise.
This doesn't sound like an arms race or reason to declare war. Your MIL is as opinionated about politics as numerous others. Your family isn't likely to be oblivious to that and there's no need to protect them from it. Her comment wasn't a personal attack on any specific family member, it was just a "loud" opinion shouted at the world. You can tell MIL that you deleted her comment b/c you didn't have any political motivations in posting the article and didn't want anyone to misconstrue it based on the comments. You can then let her know that you generally shy away from politics on FB, b/c there are so many differing viewpoints amongst your own family and friends - and you prefer a friendlier tone revolving around just family relationships and friendships. Then ask her if she would mind refraining from posting anything political - and warn her that you have a policy of deleting comments that don't "spread the love" that you associate with your page.
If your family continues to make a stink - just let them know that, of course, they're entitled to form their opinions about your MIL as well as everything else - but that it shouldn't be held against your husband. And that you don't see any reason to shield them from others' political views at any time, but particularly around election time when tensions run high. They should understand this and if they don't - you have another reason to write in!