Relationships
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I don't even know where to start with DH
I am so annoyed with my DH and nothing seems to be getting through to him. We have been together 6 years, married two, and have an 8 month old. We are currently moving and looking for a new daycare. To say that I am stressed is an understatement. DH has not tried to find one daycare, has not packed one box, and can't even unload the flippin dishwasher. Every time I say anything he thinks I am joking or just ignores me. I feel like I am being walked all over and he doesn't care. Today we had an appointment to visit a Kindercare at 12:30. I taught summer school in the am and then the plan was that he would be ready with the baby and I would pick him up. He wasn't ready (in fact he was giving the baby a bath) and said he lost track of time playing video games while our son napped. I am always ready, organized, and have things planned. For once I want him to do some of this, but no matter how many times/ ways I say it nothing changes. Sorry for the long vent. Any idea on how to approach this?
Re: I don't even know where to start with DH
Oh really. He thinks you are joking?
Have somebody watch the kiddo for the afternoon on a Saturday -- and then have a nice long fireside chat with him.
Tell him loud and clear you are worn to a frazzle and that from here on in he equal parents the child and equal partnerships the marriage. And that's no ifts ands or buts about it.
Sounds like he's always been lazy and unattentive and you just noticed it now, in the midst of the clutter and rush you are in.
I'm serious: he needs to get a grip and start being a husband and a father, not a lazy middleschooler on vacation between 7th and 8th grades.
Sis, some bad news:
He will not be changing.
What about Sunday? He very badly needs an ass-kicking of a lecture by you.
If he won't get his act together, bad news -- this is also a character issue. Being a spouse also means making sure that your partner is 100% happy and satisfied. You are not happy and satisfied with this situation and he is doing nothing to ensure you are happy and satisfied.
He is saying loud and clear "It's okay for my wife to pull the whole load because I don't care if she does. I'll do as I please."
Don't "back him in the corner" and unleash the "You this, you that, you, you , you!!!" Men HATE that and they get very defensive and honestly you will get nowhere.
Sit down and have a serious talk and try using a different approach ("I feel____ because of ____"). Communication is key and if he thinks it is a joke he needs to wake up! Make sure he knows you are serious and keep calm no matter what. Do not get defensive either as that never goes well.
THIS!! He will NOT change! My ExH never changed and I felt like I was raising 2 kids! It is unhealthy for a marriage! I completely agree with Tarpon on this one!!!