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Friend's wedding with ex. Please help!
So my friend is getting married this September. She and I are wonderful friends and I am a bridesmaid in her wedding. She was also one in mine when I was married last summer. Anyways to make a long story short I just found out that my friends husband to be has a cousin who is best friends with my ex. Since her fianc? spent so much time with my ex through this mutual thing he will also be attending this wedding. Now when I say ex I mean a man that I was with for four years, engaged to, and then found out he got another girl pregnant so we broke up. He then told me to pick up my stuff from his house and when I arrived it was in his yard burning. He also spread horrible rumors about my sister and i and told me that if he ever sees me again i would be sorry what ever that means So I know that I am so much better withou this man. I have a wonderful husband and I moved on. So my question how should I go about telling my husband that this ex will be at my friends wedding. I don't want to pretend I didn't know because that wouldn't be right but I also don't want him getting angry and then deciding not to go with me and obviously I do not want to attend this wedding without my Dh. Should I be worried? Please help!
Re: Friend's wedding with ex. Please help!
You should definitely tell your husband that your ex will attend the wedding. This way, he can get used to the idea before he sees your ex in the flesh. By surprising him with the news when he gets there he may feel betrayed and overly angry. If he drinks at all, this could end badly.
I would also ask your friend if her fiance could possibly reconsider inviting your ex to the wedding. I'm sorry that you have to see him, it must be really stressful to you.
He also doesn't sound like he's got all the tools in his tool box. Who with their mind right burns somebody's personal belongings?
He also sounds dangerous. I'm not kidding.
I cannot figure out why anybody would have this guy as a friend considering what happened to you. It sounds to me like this FI is a pushover and this "friend" has him by the short hairs. At any rate, this ex never should have been invited.
I'd also question this "friend" who doesn't take into consideration what happened to you. Yes, this guy should have been banned and any friendship with him should have been terminated by the groom.
Was this friend/ her fianc? around at the time of this breakup, and do they know all the circumstances? If not, or if you think they haven't gotten the full story, you need to talk to the bride. Were I the bride or groom in this situation, if I knew what you'd described here, I would not put you and the ex in the same social situation. He burned your stuff and said "if he ever saw you again, you'd be sorry." That warrants being taken seriously.
If your friend/ her fianc? do know all the circumstances and invited him anyway, or if you explain the situation and they say something passive about "hoping everyone can just get along for one day," I would honestly not go. If someone has caused serious damage to you/ your things (yes) and made an open ended threat to you (yes), it doesn't make sense to put yourself around that person.
Yeah, I kind of wonder why your "wonderful friend" would allow your ex to be invited.
Past that- tell your DH, let him react, let him sit on the news, then revisit later. I think the main message needs to be "let's not give him any power in our lives". He's not worth getting angry over, he's not worth making a scene at the wedding over, he's simply not worth anything to you all.
You all go, do your thing. Be civil and polite if you run into him. If HE starts anything, you both have to walk away. Seriously. DO NOT GIVE THIS MAN ANY POWER - your DH has GOT to be on board with this.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Agree with all posts. Definitely talk to the bride. I cannot believe that HE cheated, knocked up another woman, so when she broke it off he BURNS her stuff and THREATENS her?
He sounds insane!
You just straight up tell him. There really isn't any easy way to. You just have to be blunt. Start off something like "I have to tell you something...it may or may not be a big deal to you but I just found out my ex of four years will be there. I still want to go and support my friend but if you don't want to go then I won't either"
Then ofcourse if you choose to back out you need to go right away and tell your friend. Then explain why. I would hope she would understand your husband is above everyone else in your eyes.
*Laughing* This man rocks!
I am being serious, give me his name and where he lives in a private message so I can ask him out on a date
How does your husband feel about him? Does he know all the crummy old stories?
I tell DH everything basically, so I would be like remember Matt the ass? Crazy story, (bride) has known him all along and never realized it was the same Matt so she accidentally invited him to the wedding.
Living well is the best revenge. I would go, have a blast, and ignore his pathetic ass. Or ask him how his kid is? Evil laugh.
Why should you be worried about what your DH would say rather than what your ex would do?
You should tell your DH right away, holding back can make it seem like you were hiding something from him. After you have that lovely conversation with DH, go talk with the potential newly weds about your concerns.
I live in a city that is more similar to a small town - you always see people from your past around town. I have an ex who likes the "nightlife" in this city, and anytime there is a chance that the ex might be wherever my boyfriend and I are going, I tell him immediately. He doesn't like this ex one bit because of the way he treated me, and I know that if he drinks too much he WILL fight the guy just because. By giving him time to sit on it and mull it over, it allows me to come back and say, PLEASE don't overreact if we see him, just ignore him. We will NOT stoop to his ignorant level. Besides, he got fat and you're way better looking anyways.
That always gets him to see my side
On a more serious note - be careful. I had an ex once tell a mutual friend to tell me that if he ever sees me, he'll run me over with his truck. Those kinds of things are not to be taken lightly. Just make sure you keep an eye out.