Self-pity party

I am probably a terrible person

I am probably a spoiled brat

I am definitely an attention whore. 

So as you know DH and I have TTC for two months now. 

DH's sister has an almost 5 year old who was an oops. Her and her H got married when she was six months pregnant, they weren't even engaged when she got pregnant. 

You can tell she doesn't *really* want to be a mom. She has passed off her kid on my ILs every chance she has since he was born. If she needed to go the grocery store, she would take him to my ILs, she never took him anywhere. He's a sweet little boy, although a handful and very active. 

She and I aren't really friends. I've tried, really hard, but we really have nothing in common, and I'm not sure why, but I think she resents me. She never responds to my texts or fb emails or anything. I've tried to have conversations with her, but she doesn't "throw the ball back." 

Sooo anyway, DH went to a family party. I didn't want to go because they have them *every* month. (I bet you can see where this is going) He wasn't even there half an hour when he text me and told me  that his sister is pregnant and due on March. 

I know this makes me a horrible person, but I hate this, so much. I wanted a March baby because there aren't any on either side, and obviously, I want to be pregnant. I want to be the center of attention. I don't even want to be pregnant at the same time as her. And when DH and I do get pregnant, it will be like, oh, another one.

I'm not saying it's right for me to feel this way. I should probably be happy for them or whatever, but I just feel self-pity for me. She's getting what I want and it's not fair. And I know life isn't fair, and all that. And I'm being a brat, but that doesn't make me any less sad.