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Internal struggle
I've been dealing over the past few months with this nagging feeling that I don't want to have children at all. I think about it almost on a daily basis. I talked to DH about it last night and he still wants 1 and is still shooting for approximately 4 years from now to start trying (which flows with OUR original plan to have only 1 child and start trying 5 years after the wedding). He also thinks that I will change my mind, since I so badly wanted as many as 4 kids a few years ago. He thinks I might be going through a phase or something since I JUST got married and am just ABOUT to move into our first home and therefore kinda like things the way they are. And he may very well be right.
I just can't help feeling like there are too many things about pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood that don't at all appeal to me. And I can't help thinking that for someone for whom a list of cons could be made about having a baby, motherhood might not be the best idea. But maybe I'll feel differently 4 years from now?
I don't know. I guess I just wanted to vent a little.
Re: Internal struggle
I wouldn't worry about it too much, esp. since you guys will be waiting so long if you decide to have kids anyways. You certainly aren't alone!
With a lot of people around me getting married and/or having kids, I feel like this all the time. I change my mind a lot, too. Some months I think yes, a lot of months I think "HELL NO!" So, try not to lose too much sleep over it =]
I also am in the same boat! My DH and I are the last in our group to have kids (if ever). People are constantly asking, "When will you expand your family?!" My MIL is always making comments about my husbands relatives and how they are having kids and why aren't we yet. I still go back and forth everyday-"Do I really want kids?" I think about how my husband and I go out at the last minute with friends and we think, "No way do we want kids!" They are super expensive and do ever go away once they are here. We love being able to go out last minute and only have to worry about our dogs.
When we dated, we talked about having a few kids, but as we've grown older and our friends kids have grown older, we realize how much our friends wish they could do the things we do. They can't always find a sitter to go out or they have to make sure they bring things with them for the kids to keep busy where they go, just so they can enjoy being "out" with others.
I've thought about it so much and talked with my husband about it recently (mainly because the last in our group to get married is having a kid in a few months) and he has just continued to tell me to "relax." I totally feel like the pressure is more on me than him. I guess it's partly due to me being the last of my friends to get married and have kids. I hated that feeling of being "the last" and I don't want that again, but guess what...I am, again. It sucks, but at the same time, I can see my friends with kids look at us with envy because they can't do what DH and I do.
sessionswedding, you are not alone in how you feel. I believe that I just need to give it time and I think that you should just enjoy being the two of you for as long as you can. If the time comes where you do feel "it's time," then go for it! If not, just remember...there are others out there who have gone through what you've been feeling and we are all here for one another.
Thanks for all that, ladies. I guess my biggest worry is that I'm still going to be flip-flopping over this 4 years from now, but hopefully by then I will have my mind made up one way or the other.
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Just my 2 cents, it is possible you are going through a phase, especially since you have been all rared up for kids before.
Getting married and moving are two of the biggest life stressors there is. It's okay to like things the way they are right now! But you're also not going to be exactly the same person with exactly the same priorities in 4 years. You don't need to make a decision right now. You have plenty of time to enjoy your life as it currently is.
Hi,
I too have been struggling with this a lot. I am 31 and married almost 3 years. My husband and I don't want them, but I feel pressure from people. I find myself trying to talk myself into it so that I feel "normal"....I wish I could meet more people like me and my husband that aren't really interested. I have a long list of reasons why I don't want them but I guess I could change in my mid 30's.....ugh, but then there is a higher birth defect rate then!