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Rings...
Here's my story:
When my dh asked me to marry him....it was definitely not how I imagined it to be. I am a pure romantic at heart.....I always pictured something extravagent. Not that extravagent always happens but...alas. With tears in his eyes, at the foot of our bed, he asked me to be his wife...and I said yes. Coming from a man that vowed he would never get married...this was huge to me..ring or not. Well, being the girl that I am...I wanted an engagement ring...one that he picked for me. So, after being asked, I gave him ideas. After a few months of waiting, he finally came to me and said that he wasn't good at that kind of stuff...I should just pick out my own. When I had looked at ones that I really loved but I knew were expensive....(1 ct princess cut rings from JCPenney)...he saw over my shoulder and nearly had a heart attack!! haha We both make decent money but I have a lot of student loans to pay back...and he just couldn't fathom spending that much on a ring. I picked out a promise ring version of what I like.....less than half the price....and he swallowed it like a champ...telling myself that I don't need a giant ring....and therefore telling him to convince myself. I know I should have been honest, but finances stress my hubby out.
Am I being a brat....wanting to someday have my "dream rings" picked out and purchased without me knowing? Is it something I should just drop I don't want to be that nagging wife dropping "hints" everywhich way. I do love my ring and if one day we did talk about "upgrading" what would I do with my current engagement ring? I feel bad being discontented with my ring....I have so many girlfriends getting engaged and flashing off their ring....and not that I'm embarassed of my ring....just...honestly?....it's not what I want for the rest of my life.
Re: Rings...
I don't think you're being a brat. Your H didn't pick out the rings, so I guess I don't think it's 'bratty' to be disappointed with it. Budget always comes into play with these things, unless you're one of the very few who never looks at price tags. I know it's hindsight, but I wish you hadn't bought something you weren't satisfied with!
I guess what I'm more curious about is if its size that's the only factor with your ring disappointment. Would you be happier with a bigger ring or is there more to it? Do you feel like you would have wanted H to pick it out himself? If it's solely about size, have you thought about getting a lower quality diamond or even a moissanite ring? You can cut price down that way. If you really wanted that surprise proposal, unfortunately I'm not sure what you can do about that now, besides try your best to move on. Maybe you can mention to your H that you enjoy it when he picks out gifts for you so that in the future, birthdays, xmas, and anniversaries are more exciting for you,
As for your current ring, what does it look like? Do you plan to have children? My first thought was a 'promise ring' to your daughter from your H.
Are you more upset about the ring not being what you want or not getting the "story"/big proposal? It seems to me you just want DH to be more romantic in general and make extravagant gestures towards you, which isn't bratty at all, as long as you make your needs clear and let him know that is what makes you happy (as long as you have realistic expectations about it).
What did you do for a wedding ring? Did you get another ring?
If it is truly the ring that you are unhappy with, I think it is fine to tell him that you want an "anniversary ring" at some point. You could even have your current ring incorporated into a new one.
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I think like PP's have pointed out, there are 2 issues. 1 - the ring size, and 2 - the romantic grand gesture/proposal. The proposal you obviously can't change, and if your H is not the kind of guy to surprise you in big ways, that might be hard to change. You can let him know you prefer to be surprised, but it might be something you need to let go of a little bit, too. He may be open to surprising you with the anniversary ring in the future, but it might be better for you to pick it out together with him so you get what you want.
For the ring itself, I don't see any problem with upgrading your stone and/or setting in the future. My DH got me a solitaire ring which I really love, but in the future I know I might want something a little flashier, and wouldn't mind upgrading the setting to include some side stones. He did surprise me with my ring, but told me soon after, that he wouldn't be offended if I change it later, and purposely chose something simple that I could have that option for later. I think a lot of people do this, especially if you marry somewhat young, and have less earning power/student loan debt than you would in the future.
As for what to do with your current ring, you could incorporate the stone into a new piece of jewelry, like a pendent or right hand ring, or even into your upgraded ring design. Or I like Milsey's idea of passing it down to a daughter as a promise ring.
Pomegranate Margarita
This is exactly our situation. The wedding, honeymoon, and our first home were more important investments. We spent less than $1000 on all 3 rings combined. We fully intend to trade them in for flashier stuff on either the 5- or 10-year anniversary mark, depending on finances.
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. The wedding, honeymoon, and our first home were more important investments. We spent less than $1000 on all 3 rings combined. We fully intend to trade them in for flashier stuff on either the 5- or 10-year anniversary mark, depending on finances.
I think a lot of people are in the same situations. I'm lucky in that I really love my ring, but it wouldn't hurt to "upgrade" it some day. LOL! But I think Amanda has a great idea here. The 5 or 10yr anniversary mark would be a great time to upgrade. My mom is on #3 or 4 now after 32 yrs of marriage. Nothing wrong w/ upgrades.