Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
REALLY need advice.. sorry, kinda long!
let me start from the beginning. i met my boyfriend in the army when i was 19 and 4 months into our relationship he "attempted" to cheat on me (meaning he picked up some girl while on r&r in his home town but said he couldn't do it cause he "felt bad"). almost a year later, we were having some problems after having a baby. he said he thought it would be better if i spent thanksgiving in texas with my family with our son. keep in mind that we were both stationed in colorado at the time. i went, hoping the time apart would make him realize what he had. instead, he spent the time hanging out with his friend that he flew in from back home and drinking with this dude. 4 days after i left for home, he cheated on me with some girl he met while drinking at a bar with his friends. he spent the night with her but claimed nothing happened and says they SLEPT on a couch together but her feet were by his head and vice versa. ive never been sure if i believe that, and im almost positive i never will. he called me the next morning, saying his sorrys and saying how horrible he felt and said he'll never lie or cheat again.
since then, we've gotten married and things seem to be pretty normal with him. he seems to have changed ALOT. he doesn't drink anymore and has stopped talking to all of his old friends. because of our past, i check his phone and emails periodically throughout the day. i never find anything. but i guess, like they say, you can never be too sure.
we recently started getting ready to move to texas. a week before we were set to leave, his job called and told him lot of money. since we just found out we're having another baby and moving, the extra money sounded good. the only problem is that he'll have to be away for the next month and a half. HERE'S THE PROBLEM. im so nervous that if i leave him to work and go to texas before him that he'll cheat on me again. im glad that he understands why im freaking out but it just doesn't help at all. is this all in my head? am i just too paranoid? i don't get what im feeling exactly or how to feel. i want to believe that after everything we've been though, he's really changed. he seems to be really committed this time and even wants us to go to church since his family has convinced him that putting GOD in our relationship with help. im still not sure, what if its just all talk?
Re: REALLY need advice.. sorry, kinda long!
I have seen it happen where someone makes a stupid mistake once (cheat emotionally or physically) and never do it again. The mistake was always due to a problem or it was the wrong relationship. But sadly most cheaters cheat for life. Even if they truly love the one they are with they have to have more and just can't be tied down.
I do not know if he will have sex with another woman while you two are apart. He may not know either. If he does do it again you leave. At the same time though you need to be able to trust the one you love. If you can never trust him again you would be happier without him.
His age is showing and you do not need a guy who can't keep his pants on.
This entire relatronship is packed to the brim with problems: he wasn't ready for a one on one relationship, his youth is a factor, he dated other girls when he was dating you, there's a rocky relationship going on, he drinks way too much and he's broken promises to you; he's got a character deficit deeper than the Grand Canyon.
A cheater will always be a cheater. YOu need him like a chocolate teapot.
Put yourself and your kids first. GL.
Why wouldn't he cheat on you? He lies to you, you believe him and forgive him even though he hasn't owned up to what he did. All he has to do is call, cry a little, lie a little and its all good.
You should never have married this person or had multiple kids with him.
Yeah I don't know, I think you should leave him. Actually let me rephrase that, I wouuld leave him. But that is my personal standard and feeling. I don't put up with cheating. Ever. And he has cheated on two times already. Sorry don't believe either story for one second. And I personally KNOW how bad you want to believe them.
I am going through a divorce right now from my H and father of our two children for something similar. He went out a bunch a times after our son was born and I found him without his wedding ring on and he told me had given a girl his phone number, they talked twice and the second time he told her that he had a wife and two kids at home. I don't believe it. I have told myself he cheated whether he did or not. Because either way he did something that is unacceptable to me.
I am not going to live the rest of my marriage checking my H's phone each time he goes anywhere, wondering who he is talking to each time the phone rings, and feeling sick anytime ONE little thing doesn't add up. Plus honey hate to tell you but all phones have delete buttons!! easy to hide anything. Someone who truly wants to cheat will find a way, any way you cut it.
you sound young. Cut your losses and get out. It is hard and I am still hurting bad but I don't want to live the next 40 yrs like this. I know there is a man out there who will love ME and no one else and who will treat me like the woman I am. Good luck!
I think you need to ask yourself if you are ready to really forgive him and trust him again or if you think you won't be able to ever get over it and in that case then the relationship should end. I don't think you should have married him unless you decided to forgive and trust him again.
I'm obviously not defending his behavior but it doesn't seem fair to the relationship, or you especially, to have worry about this happening. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship and if you can't gain trust in him again then the relationship will never be healthy.
You are right that you can never be too sure whether or not someone will be loya whether you are with a man that has a cheating past or has always been faithful. However, you need to live your life being at ease with him and trusting that he will be. You do not deserve to have to worry about this constantly or as it seems in your post looking around each corner until it happens again.
I hope that whatever you can work through that it gives you peace.