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i feel like im being stupid need advice
hello im looking for some advice, i hope someone can help i feel like im screwing this up by doing what im doing. me and my girlfriend are currently in a commuted faith relationship with each other we i care for her very much and she says she feels the same for me. we've been together for just over a year and things have gone great but we have hit a rough patch and i feel its my fault. i cant get past my anger when it comes to one thing. recently she has started to get back in touch with her ex while they broke up several years ago they remained close friends until i came into the picture last year when we started dating he openly ridiculed me to her face and behind my back witch caused a gap in there friendship. i but this summer they started to make plans to do more things and hangout together more there in the same circle of friends and have been for years needless to say when it come to this guy i feel jealous and angry every time his name is brought up i dont know what to do she doesn't understand at all why i feel this way and hell i dont even understand myself. i know she loves me and i love her and feel like i trust her but somewhere i feel if i have a past insecurity that is underlining my problem and causing me to be angry i dont know what to do to fix this we never fight but is irritates her how i feel about her friend and she doesn't understand and i dont feel like its right to ask her to stop being friends with him just because of how i feel about it i love her so much is how im feeling normal am i wrong to feel this way can anybody help me.........
Re: i feel like im being stupid need advice
I tried remaining friends with my exes... it does NOT work. One of the parties always has some sort of "feelings" towards the other.
After I started dating my current boyfriend, I was still in contact with one of my exes. He tolerated it for a couple months... then one night he completely exploded, telling me he didn't understand why I still needed this guy in my life. The relationship between us was OVER and there was no reason to still have him as a friend. In fact, it was rude and disrespectful to him.
At first, I was totally appalled and wondered if he didn't trust me. Then it clicked - WHY was I still trying to be on talking terms with this guy if I didn't want to date him anymore? I agreed - it was rude and disrespectful. I talked with the ex that very evening and told him that my relationship was more important than trying to maintain some sort of "friendship" with him. Not to mention, I knew he still had some sort of feelings for me - and judging the way this guy talked about you to your girlfriend, he still has feelings for her. You are absolutely 100% correct to be weary of this guy and not want your girlfriend talking to him. It's not you telling her what to do - it's you asking her to put the effort into your relationship that you deserve.
You might also try getting her to see your POV by giving her a "What if" scenario. What if you were friends with one of your exes, and wanted to constantly hang out with her even though she said rude things about your girlfriend?
Yes - girls and guys CAN be friends with no sexual attraction, but only if they have never dated. I have a best friend of 15 years who is male - I was in his wedding - but we never dated, never had interest in each other. We saw each other as brother and sister from day 1.
I would be weary of continuing a relationship if she doesn't want to let go of her past and focus on her future.
I don't feel like there should be any type of friends between ex's. Especially if it really bothers one of the people like it does you. I had a situation where a long term boyfriend of mine was a very good friend of my brothers and after we had been broken up I probably could have been "friends" with him but limited it to, "hi so and so, how are you" type of conversations when I saw him. I couldn't avoid him completely as he was my brothers roommate but I wouldn't have had phone contact with him or anything.
I think it is disrespectful. If they are part of the same group of friends and she HAS to see him, it should only be an "acquantaince" and she should be civil but that is it. Just my opinion. I am shaky on people have guy FRIENDS much less a guy friend who WAS a boyfriend at one time. just my opinion.
If she can't see why you are feeling this way, she needs some help! She needs to stop talking to him...it is not right what she is doing to you and the relationship.
Please sit down and have a talk with her. Try not to get defensive and tell her why you feel the way you do and that things need to change.
Good luck!
We are both friendly with exes. I don't think that's a huge deal by itself.
What exactly has this guy said or done to you, or said or done to her that makes you uncomfortable? Id he's being inappropriate or disrespectful then she should want to cut off contact on her own and the fact that she hasn't would be a red flag. If he hasn't said or done anything inappropriate then you're being pretty controlling which would not sit well with me if I was your GF.
Regardless, your boundaries don't match and you've only been dating a year. You sound incompatible.
hi, My name is Janice. I am friends with one of my Ex's BUT my boyfriend trusts this guy as much as I do. If my boyfriend was not comfortable with that I would respect his feelings and keep my distance or come to a comprimise.
1) If she feels the same then she would be willing to compromise.
2) no girl who loves you would ever talk behind your back. If she sincerely apologized and doesnt do it again.
3) you and her need to sit down and discuss this. She needs to listen to how you feel. You need to decide if you can trust her or not.
4) love is selfless, kind, patient and faithful.
5) you BOTH need to discuss this and be willing to work with each other to compromise....the biggest word here is COMPROMISE.
6) she needs to be willing to compromise as do you and work with each other to come up with a solution.
IF she is bona fide freinds with him -- and as odd and bizarre as it sounds, yes, there are couples who are divorced or formerly engaged or who were *just* dating that are true and on the level friends -- that's another thing.
Bu wow, this guy made fun of you? What did SHE do? Did she have your back on this? did she stand up for you? did she tell this gentleman to cut it out?
If she didn't, that shows you where her character is. Based on that, you should have said goodbye to her right there. Sorry for your troubles.
And she's making plans with him to do this and that -- how nice -- what about you? You're left on the shelf? She's speding all her time with him????
SHe needs to cease contact with him immediately.
And even if she does, I think it's best for you to bid this person goodbye. She just showed you she is not ready for a one on one committed relationship; she's evidently still on the prowl and she has not gotten over him at all. That doesn't bode well for you.
Don't be in a relationship where you'll be a fifth wheel, a second fiddle or an "extra."
I don't think it's necessarily bad to be friendly with exes, but if you're still friendly with an ex who has badmouthed your current love, then it's clear where your loyalties lie. Alex, this girlfriend's loyalty lies with her ex, not with you. And you know it, which is why you're so angry.
With three billion women in the world, surely you can do better than this. No need to argue or convince her of why she should be loyal and respectful toward you - not only is it futile, but it's a waste of time when there are so many women out there who wouldn't make you ask for something this basic. Time to end it.