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typical marriage issues.....in-laws.
I've been married for a little bit over a year with my husband and his family seems to keep thinking he's 5yrs old. My father - in law, moved from Florida to New Jersey to be near his two of his sons. For some reason he feels the need to have to call my husband every half an hour. And he'll call more than once and get the same response from him. My husband has a basic routine, he opens his shop in the morning, works, and after hours usually stays at his shop waiting for me to get out of work. For some reason he calls my husband asking where he is or when he's coming home. I understand at first when he moved to learn his routine, but he's been living here for more than 6 months and everyday it's the same thing - without fail! He's always trying to know what we're doing and where he is and it's quite annoying. And my brother in law is not much better. He's always telling my husband that he has to "give more details" of where he goes after his shop is closed. I don't understand why they're trying to pry too much... and treating him like he's a child. And at times we can't have a private dinner or a night out without him calling.
My husband has already talked to his father about calling all the time but it hasn't changed. I understand that I can't get in the middle of him and his relatives but I'm getting really upset about them calling and demanding so much information all the time. What should I do? He's not happy about it but he try's to avoid the confrontation...
Re: typical marriage issues.....in-laws.
Question about your FIL: Is he elderly? He may not remember he's calling if he's got dementia or Alzheimers. If that's not it and he's retired, he may be lonely and bored and looking for someone (your husband) to talk to, particularly since he's new to the area. If he's bored or lonely, perhaps you could find him activities to get involved in and people to meet. If he's entertained, he won't have as much time to call your husband.
I don't have a guess as to what is wrong with your BIL that he's calling all of the time. Tell him to get a life.
Let the call go over to voicemail.
And have you made it clear to him, the both of you, that he calls way too much and that from here on in, you will speak with him only once a week and that is when you and/or he makes the call to him?
If you haven't done it.
Once a week is fine. No need for him to be in contact with you any more than that.
He needs to volunteer, or find a part time job, or mentor kids -- he needs to occupy his time so he's not a drain on yours.
There is plenty he can do and plenty he can find to occupy his time.
My husband is having a similar problem...with both of his parents! Ugh! He just ignores the phone and calls them back when he decides it's best to do so. Your hubby should probably do the same.
Also, this may be harsh, but your father in law is technically harassing you...
Well, it annoys your DH but it doesn't sound like he's really ready to do anything about it.
For the calls that come in when you aren't there.... let it go. It doesn't affect YOU.
But when you're home? That does affect you and YOU need to get mad. Tell your DH that YOUR time matters too and it's very rude to you for him to answer the phone every time it rings. It doesn't matter who it is - if you two are having dinner, then he should NOT answer the phone.
He wants to avoid confrontation? He should want to avoid it w/ you too- not just his dad.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This and I have to say, if it was like this before you married him than you basically TOLD your DH with your actions that this behavior was okay w/ you. If you wanted a man who had cut the cord from his parents, you probably should have found one before you married this one.
Agreed.