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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
In law jealousy???
Is anyone else struggling with being jealous of their in laws? I just got married on June 30th and my husband has never lived outside of his house til now. His mother was very controlling and even though we get along now, she has this since of entitlement. Because of this I find myself trying to impose boundaries on his side of the family, like we can only call them once a week (we moved to a different state after the wedding). I even get upset or jealous with him if I find out he's been talking more than once a week. Is this normal or not? If not how can I stop myself??
Re: In law jealousy???
This isn't a "impouse boundaries" problem -- this is an H problem.
He needs to be the one to more or less break away from talking to his mother as often as he is. I strongly suggest counseling. For the both of you.
This guy has to learn how to cut the apron strings. GL.
Can I ask how old you both are? It's an adjustment phase for you and him, AND for him and his family too... he just moved out of their house, has lived with them since he was a child. I think that it's going to take some time for all of you to get used to. I agree that boundaries should be imposed, but they have to be realistic and something you and your husband agree on. If he thinks speaking one time per week is not enough, then ask what's an appropriate amount of calls for him. I figure as long as he's not taking away from your time as husband and wife, what's the difference? And I agree somewhat with Tarpon - HE needs to also do his part and needs to understand that you are his wife and his #1 priority... he needs to work on "cutting the apron strings" as Tarpon put it. You both need to be patient, honest about your feelings, willing to compromise, etc. It takes time but you'll get there.
ONCE A WEEK? That's all you allow the two of them to talk? AND you moved to a new state so they don't get to see each other very often???
If a husband did to his wife what you are doing to him, it would be called mental abuse. As it is, you are becoming controlling -- just like his mother. Why does it matter if he speaks to her more than once a week? Are you trying to isolate him from his "previous life"?
It sounds like your husband is caught in a power struggle between you two. It isn't an H problem, it's a YOU problem, and I think you had better find a way to deal with it.
No sympathy for you. You knew what you were signing up for when you married a child who had never lived on his own before. You knew what his mother was like too.
Seriously, how old are each of you?
Totally agree. This is YOUR issue, OP. If they were talking 10 times a day I could see being annoyed, but you don't make the rules for your husband (just as he doesn't make the rules for you). Grow up.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
No, this is not normal and I don't see it ending well. I absolutely adore my parents and if someone tried to tell me how many times to call them, when to see them, what to talk about, I would go into a hulk smash rage. You do not mess with my family.
That said, it was important to me not to marry a Mama's boy or someone that had boundary issues with their parents. So I picked someone who was like that from the outset. I don't get why this suddenly bothers you or why you suddenly expect him to change when he has always been this way?