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7 days with the MIL. Help!
Hi everyone,
Brief background: Recently, my husband and I moved across the country to pursue our careers. DH never got along with his mother, and still doesn't. I tried very hard to at first, but realized a close relationship wasn't possible, or even desirable with this woman. However, DH and I try very hard to be kind to her, because after all, she is family, and she raised DH to be the man I love so much.
Flash forward to next week:
MIL is coming to stay with us for an entire week in our 750 square foot downtown apartment. Not only is this going to be uncomfortable physically (we only have one bedroom, so she's staying on a blow-up mattress on the floor), DH and my MIL can't seem to go an entire day without bickering. He doesn't want her to come, but feels obligated to since she's all alone now. She has no other children, her husband died a few years ago, and she is a compulsive hoarder. She's got a lot of crazy going on, which only adds to the guilt.
There's nothing we can do about this coming trip. My question is....how can we tactfully/kindly handle this better in the future? I told her that we could have her up for a few days, and she buys plane tickets for a week. Before we moved, she would drive 2 hours to our house without telling us and expect us to hang out with her right then. In short, she's difficult, and we're torn. HELP.
Re: 7 days with the MIL. Help!
I like the movie idea. But have an itinerary of things to do. If you are all active, even if it is together, you will have a lot less of a chance of fighting.
Museums, hikes/walks, shopping, day trip somewhere, theatre, movies, sporting event, etc.
besides the obvious (vodka), I have nothing
Good idea. I add vodka to my list too.
Unless you actually tell her you don't want to host for a week, she will continue to impose.
I predict you'll both keep it bottled up until you blow and say something in anger.
If you said "we could have you for a few days" - plan as if she is coming for a few days (take off from work, show her around, etc.), then go back to your normal routine. Schedule maybe 2 days off from work, then go back to work. Ditto your H. If you want, maybe you take off two days, your H takes off a different two days (or you only have one day where you are all together the three of you, with you Taking off, for example, M and Tues, your H taking off Tues and Weds).
Your MIL will just have to deal with being on her own. If she complains, tell her that a week's stay on her part does not work for your you/H this month - you have obligations, etc.