Relationships
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Not invited to friend's wedding
Hi Ladies, I don't often post here but I need a bit of advice.
A friend, not a close one but still someone I see once a month or more, asked me to photograph his wedding a few months ago. I declined, stating that I rather enjoy the ceremony than feel like I'm working. I found out through Facebook that he got married yesterday.
I understand it was a small ceremony and having had a small wedding myself, I understand how difficult it is to cut the guest list down. But I'm a bit hurt that I would have been invited if I worked at the wedding, but not if I wanted to come as a friend. Especially as a number of my friends were invited.
Is it wrong to be hurt by this? Or was I wrong to assume I'd be invited in the first place?
Re: Not invited to friend's wedding
Hmmmm.....
Were ALL your mutual friends invited, or just "a number" but not all? And of thsoe invited, how close are they to him vs you?
He may have asked you to photograph his wedding as a way to get you there. But once you said no, he didn't have room.
BUT - if that's the case, he should have explained that to you. And to just not invite you w/ no explanation? Is there a chance this is petty payback on his part?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I'm sorry, that sucks.
IMO if you were asked to photograph, said no you'd rather just be a guest and he didn't say at that time or at any time later that there was some reason you couldn't be invited, you have every right to be hurt. You were also not wrong to assume you were invited.
I'm actually not sure how many mutual friends were invited, but a number of them were. Most of them are closer to him than I am, which is why I could have understood a non-invite if I was never asked to participate. It was also a good 2-3 hour drive to the wedding, and maybe they assumed I was too far away and wouldn't make the drive. But it does sound like some friends that are about the same level of friendship, and with the same drive, were invited. Without being there I don't know for sure, and I'm reluctant to ask a bunch of my friends if they were invited as I don't want to put anyone in an awkward position. Its just more that it sounded like I would be invited before, and then to not get an invite at all?
And I don't know how this could be petty payback on his part. I can't think of anything I've done, I didn't know him back when I got married (6 years ago).
I suppose I should just understand that a line was drawn in our friendship and let it be like that.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would be annoyed if he asked me to photograph for free, as a friend, then didn't invite me. If he had offered to hire me it would be a different scenario.
How long have you all been friends? There could be a variety of weird circumstances here, if you really care about him as a friend I would just be gracious and congratulate him, then move on.
He offered to pay me $100 after I first said no... I said I would do it for free if I was going to do it but that I didn't want to.
We've been friends for a bit less than 6 years.
Yeah, at this point I've congratulated him via Facebook and am forcing myself to get over it. It will be harder next time I see him to act like I'm not upset over not being invited, but I will try. I do want to hear how the wedding was.
I don't know if I could say you should get offended by not being invited to a wedding. If you were a close friend, I can understand but as you said, you were just a friend. Weddings are expensive, and I think people should respect the couple to have the right to invite whomever they want. Remember, they are spending money on YOU through food, drinks and entertainment. They want people to celebrate it with them however they choose.
I agree. He just wanted to use you for free/cheap labor. I'd consider the friendship over because this is not how real friends treat each other.