Family Matters
AprilGroom
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Nanny Leaving - Telling kids?
Our nanny of 2.5 years gave her 2 weeks today. Our kids are 5 (son) and 3.5 (daughter). The nanny is the only one our kids really remember and while not the warmest person on earth, the kids love her. But she's not the type to keep on touch or come by for a visit or even babysit on occassion.
We're torn what / when to tell the kids. My daughter is going to be devastated. Because we are going on vacation next week, this is her last week. Do we wait to to tell the kids until Friday? Should we tell them now so they can prepare themselves and say proper goodbyes? Do we not tell them until the end of vacation so as not to ruin their trip? All advice is welcomed.
Re: Nanny Leaving - Telling kids?
Have you talked with the nanny about whether/ what she might say to the kids? I've done some caregiving/ nanny type things in the past, and while I always gave my notice to the parents, they always included me in the conversation with the kids. Just a chance to keep it simple- "I loved being here with you but after (whatever day), I'm going to a new job. I'm sad that I'm not going to be here every day anymore, but I'm happy for the new job I'm going to do and happy because I know you're great kids and will have fun with your next nanny too." I think not telling them would be a big shock and leave them feeling that they didn't get to ask questions or say goodbye to their old nanny.
I sympathize with your daughter being devastated over the change in nanny- that's a big part of her life and a big change for her. I think the best way to handle that, though, is to be understanding that she's sad or misses the nanny, but also model taking big changes in stride. Meaning, help her find a balance between being sad about missing her and not wanting to say good bye, and also reinforcing all the things that haven't changed (her parents, her little brother, her friends, etc. etc.) and asking what she hopes the new nanny might be like or what they might like to do together on her first day. I think hiding the news from her because you didn't want her to be sad and ruin her trip might send the message that this news is awful and so hard to deal with it's trip-ruining, when what you want her to know is that this is like a lot of other things in life: it's a big change and you didn't want it to happen and it's okay to be sad, but it's not the end of the world.
I usually try to break news like this to my kids earlier rather than later. In your case, I would tell them now so that they can have the tearful goodbye and get closure on Friday.
For kids the age of yours, I'd keep it simple. Just explain that she's not going to be your babysitter after Friday. If they ask why just say that she's moving on to a new job -- keep it vague. Acknowledge how much you'll all miss her. Maybe they can even make her goodbye cards or something to remember them by on Thursday night. Rituals like this are very powerful for children this age. But let them start to feel the sadness that they're going to feel. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad over changes like this.
Then use vacation as a break/distraction from the whole topic. If the children bring it up, keep it light and positive, and remind them that they'll have a new nanny very soon. Assure them that the new nanny will be fantastic, and that they'll love her.
Yes, they'll be sad, but that's part of life. Imagine how horrible they'll feel if you break the news to them at the end of vacation and they never got to say goodbye.
I would tell them this week and use the week as a transition.
The 5 year old is going to get used to having a different teacher every year. The 2 year old will have the same if she gets in pre-K.