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H's family coming down....don't want them staying here?
Long story short, my husband's brother and his wife and three kids are coming down next month to visit the rest of the family.....
When we got married, they stayed at our house TWO weeks longer than they told us, complained the whole time about how expensive it was to be in the wedding, and never pitched in for food H bought or anything (no gift either...) The kids are pretty well behaved, I like them, and my BIL is ok, but his wife...... :-|
Anyways, they are planning on coming "sometime next month" and I know they will ask H if they can stay at our house. Thing is, our house is small. Very small. And my H's other brother down here has a massive two story house.
*sigh* It will be a living nightmare if they stay with us. How do we go about telling them they can't stay with us if they ask? I know I probably sound so mean, but....does anyone know where I'm coming from?
Re: H's family coming down....don't want them staying here?
They stayed two weeks LONGER than expected? Just how long had they originally expected to stay?
If you have the room, invite them for a few days. Guests and fish stink after three days
When they give you firm dates, tell them you have plans, but you would love to meet them for dinner or at a local attraction like a zoo for the day. Then go on to give them the names of nice budget hotels in your city. If they insist on staying at your house, just say " I'm sorry but that won't work for us." If they ask why it won't work, just keep saying repeating yourself. DO NOT GIVE DETAILS. This will give them the impression that they have a say in the discussion and they don't. Stay firm.
Tell this to your husband now because I have a feeing his brother is going to be the one to ask HIM, and if your husband is caught off guard or is afraid of confrontation, he will give in and let them stay. I say already practice what you guys are going to say and be ready for them giving you a hard time for not letting them stay with you.
Is your DH on the same page w/ saying "no"? If so, then all you say is "We can't wait to see you. We unfortuantely won't be able to have you stay at our house, though. Here's a list of local hotels".
Don't mention the other brother - let them figure it out. But YOU can say "sorry, we can't have you stay here". AND you don't owe them an explanation. If you really want, say "Our house is too small". But realize that the more excuses you throw out, the more holes for arguement they are going to look for. "We don't mind/ we're used to it", etc.
That's why a simple "We can't accomodate you" is the best route.
But again- where is your DH on this?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
DH agrees with me, but he also brings out the totally understandable point that, well, it IS his brother. DH doesn't want to tell them no if they ask. I tried telling him that simply say we can't have them stay with us, we're really sorry. He doesn't want to say that.
Sooooo.......I guess I'll see what happens. I still want to stand my ground but do not want them hating me. Hopefully they'll ask DH's other brother first. lol!
I sympathize. H and I live in a small 1BR 1BA apartment. After a few (read two) days and nights I want my space back asap.
My "favorite" was when my parents came to visit us (and my two other sisters who lived in the area), they told us upon arriving that they were staying with us. We had been married less than a month at that point in time. My H was so pissed!
I agree with pp. Tell your BIL/SIL you are unable to accommodate them. You tried once before and they took advantage.
See, I don't see what it being "his brother" has to do w/ this. You have a small home. It didn't work well last time. SPEAK UP. Being family doesn't stop them from imposing on you and over extending their stay. So.... why all this consideration in their favor when they don't give it to you?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Then your issue is with your doormat husband and not your inlaws. He's more worried about making his brother happy than he is keeping his wife happy.
Why wouldn't DH just talk to the brother with the big house about it? Like, "Hey bighousebrother, I heard travelingbrother is coming into out area. Did he ask you to stay? Is that okay? I can't imagine the tight squeeze in our place. Okay?" If it is okay, and travelbro asks he can just say, "Hey traveling bro, we knew were coming into town and bighousebro is totally expecting you to stay at their place."
These are brothers, right? Isn't a small amount of talking and planning around a common topic reasonable?
Haha #1. I like the way you worded that and #2. I totally agree with you!
Exactly, it doesn't matter that it is his brother. Your house is too small and if anything, things like this makes the familial relationship worse. Besides, it is just as much your home as it is his. He shouldn't have all the say in who stays at BOTH of your homes.
Honestly, if your husband would rather upset you than his brother, than tell him he will be the one to do all the cleaning, cooking, driving around and playing the happy hostess. You just keep to your own schedule and maybe next time he won't go around offering up your home to the whims of his family.
Well, since your DH won't man up and say no, if they do stay with you, let him be the host with the most. Hell, it's his family. Let him do the shopping and the cooking and the cleaning and the entertaining. Maybe that'll help him find his balls.
What if you asked them before they ask you?
"hey I heard you guys are coming to town? Where are going to stay? I've heard good things about _______ hotel."
That kind of lets them know that you are not EXPECTING them to stay with you...if they counter with
"oh we were hoping to stay with you guys", then a simple,
"oh really? unfortunatly that isn't going to work for us this time around. Have you talked to (other brother with the big house) yet? Otherwise I can make a list up of good hotels around here for ya"
Should make the point pretty clear.
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