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I hate arguements but they'll happen, how do I step away without putting my two cents in?
I have to admit, I am the kind of person that have to say what I need/want to say when I feel like someone is wrong in an arguement. My bf and I argue about things that aren't really that important(not to me anyway.) He is the type of guy that have to know where I am and who I'm with and if I happen to not answer a text or call by accident, he flips out. I think he keeps tally's in his head. If I call him and he know he could answer because he'll call back and say "well you know how it is, you don't answer my calls on the first call." That makes me furious because it seems as if we either do something on an accident, someone will throw it up in a disagreement and arguement.
I honestly hate saying things, mean things but he always make me feel like I'm unheard when I'm trying to explain, it gets old. I wish he had a little more respect for me and stop demanding me around and always wanting more. I love him but I want things to change. I wish we can agree to disagree without it being a huge verbal battle between each other. I need space at times and to trust that's all we need at the moment. I think he's insecure about his past relationships so he is harder and irrational with me when it come to making certain decisions or just a simple statement.
I try to get him to understand that the things we say, we cannot take back. He thinks that if he says sorry, it patches things up. I want him to know what he done wrong so he can change for the best of our relationship. I don't expext all arguements to be smoothe but isn't their a cheat code in how to avoid it? :
Re: I hate arguements but they'll happen, how do I step away without putting my two cents in?
WHOA.
This is not a good guy - it's a controlling guy who clearly is dating teenagers as a grown-ass man because the women his own age won't let him control them like this. I double my advice in your previous thread to get rid of this guy and keep looking.
Between this and his mom...why? Why are you sticking around? I am not trying to be bitchy...I just honestly want to know. From what I saw in the mom post he barely sticks up for you. And then here he creates some drama for no apparent reason.
There isn't a cheat code at all. In fact it is pretty direct. It's called communication. He is trying to communicate with you but he is so off track that it's offensive. Of course you will stick up for yourself. Why in the hell wouldn't you. You have every right as a human being to do so.
In my honest opinion you guys have only been together for a little under a year. Between that and him acting how he does there is no sense in looking for a home. It seems he is showing the same dramatic trait as his mom. You are in the new stage where you think he will change because he loves you. No. That is not how change works. Change comes from with in the person who has an issue. Unless he WANTS to change he won't
My only advice is step away. Far far away.
Hard doesn't mean impossible.
This is good advice.
I dated a man child like that for 4 years, and I let him treat me like crap until it escalated to the point where he got verbally, and then physically abusive. I didn't leave because I thought there was no one better and we had gone through so much together (which, I found out later, we hadn't. Not even close, but it seemed like it at the time).
I finally got the courage to leave, and it was really, really hard, and it will be for you if you really care about him, but this relationship sounds like it's toxic. You can do it; I didn't think I could until I did.
There are way, way better men out there than this. Men that won't be so controlling, who won't flip out when you don't answer their calls. Men who don't have mama-drama. You deserve better.
A douchey boyfriend who you have to account your every breath to.
Drop this jerk and do it stat.
And get yourself therapy -- you need to understand why you think a controlling boyfriend is a GOOD boyfriend.
You don't know how to break it off?
How about you just VANISH????
Don't answer any of his texts or his calls or emails: just vanish.
This controllingness can get out of hand very quickly -- it can escalate into physical violence.
Drop him and do it now. GL.
He said he wouldn't mind seeing a therapist together because he think he's right and I think I'm right. I really take into consideration into what all of you have said but I feel like everything is ok far as his mom, I like the non exsistent relationship that we have and my bf and I are more connected than before.
It will have to take time, I do want to try couples therapy before we move in together and marriage etc. If it doesn't work out during therapy, I'll just move on. I do not think a controlling bf is good, that is why we argue at times when we disagree and he think he's right. I get quite annoyed, a lot. But I care about him. He is always their when I need him, friend wise, emotionally, and physically. When I'm sick he drive hours to see me and we've planned our future so far together.
I don't think you should date anybody who is already broken.
Why don't you want a guy who is problem free? And a guy who knows what security and trust IS?
You'll always be walking on eggshells around this guy.
And there will be plenty more men out there...sheesh, there is no need to star out the last initial in the word sex, ffs. He's always there for you etc? Well, so will other guys always be tehre for you but the best part is that they're not BROKEN!
It's not that hard to break up with a guy. You think it's going to be hard, and then it isn't, and you're more sad than relieved. Trust me.
If you need couples' counseling a year into dating, then it's just not working. That's what dating is FOR, to try on being together and see if it fits. Here, it doesn't fit, and trying to therapy yourselves into being right for each other when you aren't just isn't going to work. And really, why bother? You don't have to marry the first man you have sex with, you know.