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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
my mother vs Catholic Church
my fiance and i have been engaged since june 30, 2012 and the planning has only just begun! we are still deciding on venues for the reception and havent found a place to have the ceremony. my fiance was raise a Catholic and would LOVE to get married in his church. My family, however, was raise Lutherans and we are as connected to our church nowadays although i was baptised and went through Communion. my mother feels she would not be welcomed and comfortable in a catholic church for our wedding. I feel indifferent about the situation. obviously i want to try and keep both happy, but i am not sure exactly what i even want. what do i do!?!?!?!
Re: my mother vs Catholic Church
Your fiance's desires trump your mother's. You are adults now and you get to make your own decisions about religion. Non-Catholics attend Catholic weddings all the time. Unless the priest is going to make blatantly offensive statements toward non-Catholics during the ceremony, which I doubt is the case, there is no reason for your mom to worry about feeling unwelcome.
That said, is your fiance a practicing Catholic currently? Does he regularly attend mass, go to confession, take communion, etc.? If not, you should not get married in the Catholic church, unless he wants to use this as an opportunity to recommit to his faith. It sounds like maybe both of you need to take some time to reflect on your beliefs and find a good spiritual fit for you. Whatever kind of ceremony you decide on, it should be because you truly subscribe to those beliefs and and intend to live your life according to them, not because it would make others happy.
I agree with all the bolded.
You could have hymns that are sung in Lutheran churches/sung on Sundays: "The Old Rugged Cross" is a standard.:)
Since most people who will be attending the wedding are not Catholics, it's suggested you have the nuptial ceremony vs. the nuptial Mass. At the ceremony only, Communion is not offered. The ceremony can take about a half hour.
Your mother can still participate in the ceremony proper: she can be a reader: either the first reading, the second or she can read the General Intercessions.
It is also possible to have your wedding co-officiated by both a Catholic clergyperson and one that is Lutheran. If you choose this option, you won't be able to have the Nuptial Mass, only the Nuptial ceremony. The wedding would also have to be held in a Catholic church.
All of this is great if the both of you are both fairly active in your faiths. If you haven't been to church in years and the same goes for him, maybe it's best if you and he opt to have a civil service ceremony; you could hold it at the venue.
Tarpon & Renagade both have fantastic advice here.
I was raised both in the Catholic and Lutheran Churches because my Mother is Catholic and Father Lutheran. I never met a clergy person (in many churches in different states) in either faith that wasn't welcoming of either parent (or other family members).
Your mother is just being silly.
What matters here:
It's what you and he both decide on, not what anybody else wants.
A Lutheran officiant would gladly perform the ceremony at any venue you wish but not a Catholic clergy. And it's a rule that has to change.
I agree the Catholic church should be more lenient in where they will preform a ceremony. Like stated above if your Fianc? is a practicing Catholic and wants to get married in his Church you should bring the Lutheran aspects into it. If he isn't and a religious ceremony is important go to your church. This is something the two of you have to decide ( no one else).