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Im so mad at myself I did this!!
Okay I am the one who posted below about my soon to be ExH doing all that horrible stuff to me, see below. I haven't contacted him about anything other than our kids in quite awhile. About 2 wks ago I told him, only through text, that I didn't want us to communicate directly about things unless it was ONLY about kids and only through text. I asked that the kids be exchanged only through his dad, who lives directly in the middle of our two houses. We only live literally 3 mins from each other.
I did this bc every time we exchage kids he is a couple hrs late then when he comes he says things that REALLY upset me. Like you look so good, oh lets have sex, or grabs my butt or something. It takes me several hrs to calm down after he leaves.
Anyway, I just was sitting her feeling so upset and wondering WHY he cheated me, how he could have done something like that, etc. And i sent him a TEXT message asking him why he would do that and to please at least be man enough to tell me honestly that he did!! I am so mad I did this and now the message can't be unsent.
What should I do now? Just ignore anything he sent back? He already called twice and tried to text back questions. I am so upset my hands are shaking. I don't want contact with him. I do so much better without it.
Re: Im so mad at myself I did this!!
It is good that you meet at his dad's house. Keep it that way no matter if he tries to change it on you.
Yeah that is one thing I had to really watch was what texts I would send to my ExH back after things went down after I left. Before you press "send" re-read and think twice!!
I agree about meeting at his dad's house. That way he cannot do what he is doing to me on several levels but most importantly just not showing up. My kids are really young right now but won't be forever. I don't want them to know what it feels like if daddy just doesn't come.
I have been writing the messages then just going to drafts and going back and deleting them later. This helps me get it out and then I am still not communicating with him. I don't know why I didn't do that this time. I have been so much better at just not doing it. I just felt like I wanted SO bad to hear HIM say Yes I cheated on you twice. Then after I sent it and i calmed down I realized it doesn't matter if he says it or not, he still did it and it won't make me feel any better.
Thanks for the tips!
you realize your mistake, dont do it again and if he ever asks about it tell him is was a mistake youll never make again.
He does not deserve you. Only have what contact you must and if he ever touched you again file a lawsuit or report it to the police.
you deserve respect and to NOT be treated like a piece of meat. You are strong and you deserve to be treated like the wonderful woman you are.
Do yourself a big big favor:
Don't send him anymore texts. Period and full stop.
IF you need to contact him, do it by phone -- and only contact him if it is a child-based issue. Let your attorney take care of the rest.
If you don't stop communicating with him, your healing process will be shot to hell. You feel horrible, yes -- but these texts are not helping your matter any at all.
Send him no texts. It's not going to eradicate the fact he had affairs.
I was cheated on by my ex-fiance and ended up doing similar things. I think that it is extremely hard to understand why they cheated, especially when they wont even really tell you. The hard part is it doesn't matter. I can tell you that my ex answered some questions and it didn't really help to know the answer, but it did help me come to terms with the ending of the relationship. However I'm not saying you should ask or listen to him, because every relationship is so different and only you know yourself well enough to make those decisions. You seem to be taking great steps in the right direction and you're not really giving yourself much credit.
He was your husband. He hurt you in a way that no woman should have to endure and naturally you are going crazy trying to make sense of it. Unfortunately, it seems like this is all part of the process of coming to a place that you can heal. You deserve SO much better. You deserve someone that will be true to you and treat you like a treasure, not a toy.
I don't even want to post this but I did it again. I sent him another text message tonight. I don't know why, I have come so far in the last couple months but for some reason yesterday, all last night and all day today it has just been eating me up on WHAT happened and WHO it was with,what she looked like, what happened, and all these images have been flashing through my head.
I was crying all night last night and started again tonight. I don't understand why i can't just NOT think about it. I have tried reading, watching tv, reading on here, doing the dishes. The only thing that can help is my kids and they are in bed now.
I asked him again in the text why and to just admit it and who she why, what happened. Then I said how much it was hurting me, which I really wish I didn't do!! I hate it when I do things like this because I feel like I am just hurtled back in my healing again and it hurts all over. Will it stop? I certainly am not going to jump in to another relationship for a long time as I have kids, am not even officially divorced yet and was with him for a long time. I have to heal, devote everything to my kids and be careful in the future.
But I am so afraid it will only get better once I start dating someone else? Is this true? Anyone who has been through divorce or cheating please tell me. We haven't been seperated for 3 months yet and I still live in OUR house with a lot of OUR things. I moved out all his personal things but the rest are still YOUR things together when you are married, did the whole house together, you know? I mean I sleep in the bed our 2 children were conceived in!! Blah
If your single, focus on being a better you, instead of looking for someone better than your ex, a better you will attract a better next.