Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Lost and Confused
Hello All,
I will do my best to make this as short as possible. I just wanted to ask if anyone has had any experience with a cheating partner and if true love and commitment are real can the relationship be salvageable?
All story's are welcomed! Thanks!!
Re: Lost and Confused
Hi,
It is so hard to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating. However, I don't believe in the "once a cheater, always a cheater" line. I think people can get freaked in a relationship and do stupid things, but it depends on the situation. Can we have more info? How old are you, how long have you been together, and what happened?
It really just depends on what you think you can handle. A family friend of mine married young, and was basically pushed into it by her father. She was planning on moving in with her boyfriend, and her dad wanted them married first, so he said she had to get married before her 21st birthday, which was 4 months away, so they did. They were happily married, had a baby, and then came the stress. They went on a temporary separation to figure things out, and during that time she cheated on her husband with a previous boyfriend who she gave her virginity to at 16 years old. She loved him, but her dad didn't approve. Anyways, long story short, she came clean to her husband and it caused a lot of stress on their relationship, but they made it through and are still faithfully and happily married twenty years later.
So I think it is possible to salvage a relationship if you are willing to, but one thing I would ask yourself is, are you going to hold cheating over your partners head in every disagreement you have? And second, do you think it will happen again?
Cheating often happens in moments of desperation, like when you are having stress on your relationship, so if the stress is resolved, then typically cheating is too. I do not believe in the phrase "Once a cheater, always a cheater" because it's only true part of the time. However, if the person cheated just for the hell of it, with no reason, then its a personality and morality problem, and in that case, they will most likely cheat again.
It's hard to say without more information what you should do, but I hope this helped.
Hi MiniMeg526,
Thanks so much for your reply. Well I have been dating this man for 1 year and 1 month. Things developed so naturally, he had been single for 8 years and claims that he had decided to remain single and not date ANYONE, of course until I came into the picture. Our loved flourished so naturally and boy has it been an amazing journey. He has been everything and more that I ever expected a partner to be. He never fell short with affection, romance, you name it. He always would remind me of how much he loved me and of how lucky he felt to have me in his life because I am his rock, and I feel the same. I feel he is my soulmate and he claims the same. He truly is my best friend. Well that changed maybe about 2-3 weeks ago. I felt a bit of distance, he was a bit frustrated at work, and would be short on our conversations. I was just attempting to give him space to unwind which he appreciates. However this past weekend was great, being with him is like never missing a step. We do small surprises with each other and I figured taking a picture from his phone would be a good idea to surprise him when he woke up that morning. So I grabbed his phone and saw a text message from a woman with a wink smile. I opened and my worst fear was confirmed. He was flirting with this woman via text message, they even shared pictures of each other. I was unbelievably shocked that I woke hm up and confronted him about it. I couldn't even finish reading the damn texts because I was at a lost of words. He confessed that he met this woman 2 weeks ago and met for drinks once claims that nothing physical happened but did not deny flirting with the woman. I was so devastated that I grabbed all of my stuff and left his apartment hurt and confused, I even gave him his apartment keys back. We had been planning on moving in together. He apologized like no other, begged me to stay and talk, claimed that he has made the biggest mistake of his life just speaking to this woman, and that he doesn't want to lose me because he loves and and that I am the best thing that has happened to him. I admit that I believe him, he did tell me that he feels that possibly because everything was so great between us he was afraid of the commitment, said that I have been his one and only love. He is 36 years and I will be 25 soon.
I do want things to work out but he needs to put in the work, but am so hurt and sometimes wonder if the relationship is even worth saving. Please advise. I am so lost and confused but love him with my whole being.
Thank you sgautschi,
for your reply. Your sister's situation really makes me think that maybe there is hope in saving us. I am hopeful and I think as a woman, hope is something I will never lose.
This is something you definitely need to talk about with him. Get him to open up, try to understand why he did he this. It's up to you to trust whether or not he has physical contact with her. Sometimes men go out and look for a relatively innocent ego boost, sometimes they go out looking for more. We can't tell you which one it was.
Were the pictures sexual in nature? Or just face shots? Either way neither is acceptable and he will have to work to rebuild your trust, if you decide to stay.
The pictures weren't sexual but she send him a picture of her in a skimpy bathing suit and him with his bare chest.
I too feel that it is ultimately up to him to fix what he has broken.
No problem.
From the information you provided, I definitely would believe that it was just him being afraid of commitment. About two years after I started dating my now husband, I was working with a guy that was a major flirt, and I starting having doubts. I flirted back, texted him, and hung out with him on lunch. He (my husband) noticed me texting him one day, and I came forward and told him that I was having doubts about our relationship. It actually made me realize what I was doing, and strengthened our relationship. It made me realize that I was with the right person. Two years later we got married (May 2012), and are just in love with zero doubt about each other. 
I think your guy definitely deserves a second chance. Sometimes it takes situations like that to realize what you want.
You are only dating this guy.
youve got your work cut out for you --- do yourself a favor and say goodbye to him right here and now. Because he doesn't what what you want: a one on one relationship.
You and he are already each on an opposite side of the coin.
To me, once a cheater is always a cheater -- and besides, don't you want a guy who is into you only? Thinks you're fun, cute, classy, smart and hot as hell?
Please don't fish where the fishing is not good.
Wishing you luck....and just based on this, he needs to go:
I admit that I believe him, he did tell me that he feels that possibly because everything was so great between us he was afraid of the commitment, said that I have been his one and only love. He is 36 years and I will be 25 soon.
If everything was as great as he claimed it is, then why is he meeting another woman for drinks???
Dump this piece of trash now. And find a guy who wants what you want...and is closer to you in age.
DTMFA.
(Dump The MFer Already)
You are young and hot and desirable. Your relationship is new and fresh and amazing. But this guy couldn't make it 13 months without seeking out the company of another woman for drinks and sexting?
Dump this guy. If he can't stay faithful while everything is puppies and rainbows, just imagine how fast he is going to start whoring around when something stressful rolls down the pipe!
Oh, and go and get tested for a full panel of STDs. Who knows what else he has been up to.
Thank you all for the support and your insight. I do have tons to think about. I have come to the realization that not only will I step away but I will begin on my journey of self healing. In my opinion, if he truly is sorry and if he truly does not want to lose me then all actions are up to him to gain and earn my trust back. He knows what it takes, so now he needs to step it up 2 times that to earn my trust and love back. But from now on, I have made the decision to move on.
Of course I still love him and I am hopeful that he will step up and make things right, but I won't make it easy for him.
Why would you leave the door open for him to try to "earn your trust back"? He showed his *true* character by seeking out and maintaining the company of another woman while going out with you. There is no reason in the world to give him a second chance.
Given that you are not married and have no children, walk away from this mess and be thankful that he showed his sleaziness so early. Better to figure it out now than 3 weeks before the wedding or three months after you have his child.
You don't know it yet, but you dodged a bullet.
People with true love and committement do not cheat.
If your DH has been a cheater and is genuinely remorseful - he will break his back to be open and honest about everything, full transparency and will do everything and anything to please you and show you he is sorry and he is committed to the relationship.
Counseling can also help.
Less than that - the relationship will always have a lack of trust
ETA: Marriage need much more than love to survive.