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Unemployed & Married
This is my first post. I have been married since this May and unemployed just as long. I am not a homemaker and I mean no disrespect to any woman/man that chooses to go this route. I have been one for three months and I feel lonely, unfulfilled and cranky towards my husband.
Instead of contributing financially I clean the house, grocery shop, and make dinner. My husband appreciates all that I do but it is not enough. I miss talking to other adults besides my husband. I miss having my own money. I miss having something to focus on beside my relationship.
Even though I have been looking for a job times are very tough and I get countless rejections. My husband is always asking me "Is something wrong?" because I feel really down sometimes. I am tired of answering this question because the answer is always the same "I am sick of being home all day!" Yes, I do other things but it is still not like having a job, schedule and a purpose. Other than getting hired for a full-time job I don't know what else to do.
My question: Has anyone ever gone through this before and what did you do to cope with unemployment? Also did it have an affect on your relationship positive/negative and what was the resolution?
Thanks for reading and responding.
Re: Unemployed & Married
Try getting out and meeting people, volunteer at your church or community center, and see if that helps. Try meetup.com and see if there are any clubs that you like that you can join... There are lots of things you can do to help pass the time, and not be resentful to your spouse.
Being unemployed is hard I understand, have you tried to find maybe just a fun job? Work for some place you like just to get the discounts? I used to work at Victoria Secret for this reason, and after I got married I worked for Harley Davidson for a while as the hubby loved his bikes and it was an unbelieveable discount!
You also sound like your depressed about thing, that normal when your struggling and not feeling fulfilled, but try to see what you can find in new or different areas, maybe go back to school...
Good luck, I hope something happens for you soon!
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I am fully employed and looking for a better deal.
I'm a bit older than the average Nestie; I have seen 9 recessions and NONE have been as bad as this one.
9 recessions ago in 1975, we still had a solid manufacturing base, a growing economy (depsite the recession it was still happening) and we did NOT outsource or offshore jobs at the rate we are doing it now. Some how we still had strong consumerism.
That is the difference between then and now.
I have never seen a job market so dry and so tight. The jobs that are there seem to have hiring managers that want 10 bags of chips and all that, not just all that and the bag of chips. I cannot figure out who they are hiring; I have gotten rejection letters that are so poorly composed that it would make my fifth grade teacher's hair stand on end. So who is getting these jobs??? Nobody competent enough to compose a simple business letter minus murdering the Queen's English.
My good friend works for our state dept of labor.
She's got many many career people out of work: teachers iwth advanced degrees, engineers, nurses, you name it. These are people of all ages, all skill levels, all education levels -- none of them can find employment in their field.
I know of 2 college grads, both from last year's class, who can find nothing. One guy was an education major; he found a contract job that ended in June and the other is a finance major: temporary job that lasted 6 months. Nothing available for either one of them.
It's scary scary sh!t -- and nobody's job is safe. Everybody is one paycheck away from being out of work and that includes the so called union people who think that their jobs are airtight. Not so; I have been a union member and I have seen coworkers get fired at the drop of a hat.
Do you have a marketable talent?
If you do, I strongly urge you to start a side business at home. That would be my best suggestion.
You can also volunteer, find things to do where you'd meet other people and do things with your H where you'd meet couples your age.
What about the good ole fashioned koffee klatsch? There have to be other housewives in the neighborhood and on the block; why not extend an invitation to them to drop on over some morning for coffee and conversation?
Are there any issues or causes that are important to you that you can volunteer for ? Even something a simple as going to a local pound or humane society and giving the dogs some human affection and interaction ? Do you like to bake ? Could you bring baked good to a Ronald McDonald's house or your local firehouse ? Could you volunteer at a community garden or clean up a park ?
Have you checked into temp agencies? I understand they are probably inundated with workers now, and you might not be assigned to a position where you would be able to use your skills, but at least your would get out of the house and be around other adults and maybe bring in a little extra money.
I empathize.
I have been unemployed/under-employed for 3 years now. I moved to a new city be with H when we married and found nothing for 6 months. Then I found two part time jobs (subbing for a child care center & a school district). I've applied to SO many places/companies in the last 3 years that I stopped counting because I was depressing myself. I'm still looking.Currently I haven't worked since June 19th.
I keep busy by being involved in church, and keeping a routine. I get out of the house even if it's just to the library or grocery store. H and I have a weekly game night with friends and a weekly date night. We have friends that just moved to the area last month so hopefully hanging out with them will help break up the monotony as well.
It is hard. I get down.
What about offering private tutoring/homework services?
I'll bet you you can make a business out of homework-oriented services.
Teaching is a closed and dead field out here. 2 colleges got a grant to train alternative path teachers where they guaranteed you a job (but the job was in the inner city where the schools are already shot to hell and full of gang activity)
When I heard that there was an interview involved in the process, I said forget it. The deck is usually stacked in the first place -- and only 30 cohorts were being accepted.
Hey!
So I am actually currently going through the same situation. I also got married in May but I have been unemployed since January. However, back then I was focusing on finishing my degree, which is now done. Then, I was focusing on the wedding, which is now done. Now, I am getting over a broken foot, which has caused me to stay even more in the house because I can't drive with my injury. Plus, my husband usually works out of town so he doesn't come home until the weekend.
I've been working my butt off to also get a job and I understand what you are feeling. My suggestion is to start a hobby. Things that I liked to do, before I broke my foot, was to work out. By joining a gym, I started making friends and going to classes! You'll find that by spending the time there, you're spirits will go up because you're confidence is up AND you'll be spending less time at home. Another activity I love is to bake!
Also, it's hard to realize this, but the best thing to do is to just be up front with your husband. And if he is not as understanding as you need him to be, call a gf up!
Hope this helps!
Wow, I am going through this exact thing!!!!! I can relate to everything you just said!
I'm just focusing all my attention on the gym to distract myself. that is the only thing I have to myself.
I have been unemployed since Nov 2011 when I moved in with my then fiance. I moved from Canada to the US and I am without a green card at the moment, so I cannot work legally. I am on a student visa, but school is out for the summer at the moment. I just got married in July 2012 to my American husband and I just got my SSN. With it I can find employment on campus, and I have just put in my application for 2 jobs, so things are hopeful for me at the moment. I am not only dealing with not being employed but also having to adjust to a new city, which is not as accessible by transit as I am used to (I do not have my drivers license at the moment). I miss my friends and family, and am finding it hard to stay busy and happy when I don't have my career!
Staying home certainly isn't for everyone and I 100% understand. I lost my job just before we left for our wedding/moon (destination wedding) back in February. So I've been unemployed for 6 months.
I try to do as others have said.....stay busy. I get up in the morning, go for a run or to the gym, have breakfast, and then get whatever needs to be done for the day completed. One day that might be grocery shopping. Another day cleaning the downstairs, another day laundry, etc. I have been cooking a different meal nearly every night, experimenting with new recipes, and that definitely helps keep me busy.
Can you work on decorating/remodeling at all? Not sure if you are in a house or apartment but that is something on my list of things to get done. I want to paint!!! We just have to get some drywall things fixed first.
For the most part I do ok but I definitely have my down days where I feel discouraged. I have a bachelor degree and an MBA and am being turned down for Administrative Assistant positions! I even made a dumbed down version of my resume that doesn't list my master degree for when I'm applying for lower level positions. It's ridiculous. I don't need to make a fortunre. I just want a job I like and if that means making $10k less/year than what I used to I'm ok with that. Unfortunately employers don't get it and think you'll walk out the door the second something with higher pay comes along ;(
I totally thought that I was the only one feeling this way!
I agree with the other two people who have replied.
I've been trying to schedule meeting up with other people at least once a week. I've also started looking for hobbies that I could pick up.
I just signed up for a weekly Bible study that I am so stoked for! Perhaps you might want to look into a new craft/skill that you would love to learn more about? It's another great way to start getting to know people in your area.
It had been really difficult for me to express and to explain to my husband my loneliness, but I think in part I didn't want to tell him or share with him because I didn't want him to think that its his fault. I've been very blessed with a very caring husband though who admits that he doesn't fully understand, but he's been trying to be very understanding and supportive. I think these times of unemployment have helped me to really appreciate his support, encouragements, and to really cherish my times of really making our home our "home". He makes me want to try to look for ways to encourage HIM and to support what he's doing.
Transitions are always tough, but I feel that this one in particular is the toughest. I hope that there's good to come of it soon.
wishing you the best...