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married life slump..
Hello!
This is my first post.... so I'm new at this. I have read many and found that people have given great advice so, I'm hoping for the same!
My husband and I have been married since last October and I found that recently we fell into a "slump". Lately we argue over silly things like who's going to take out the trash and etc. and of course money. We are unfortunately dealing with some unexpected bills, which have put a black cloud on things.We have opposite schedules so having days off together are rare, so doing anything fun is hardly ever, and now a typical friday night is staying in and watching T.V.
I don't wan't to be that old married couple already!
So what I'm wondering is, what does anyone else do to deal with the the everyday challenges in there marriage? How do you keep things new and fresh?
Re: married life slump..
It's normal for couples to have disagreements frequently. And in my honest opinion sometimes old married couples are the best because they lived through the true dynamics of a marriage! If you guys never argued then I would be more worried about neither of you having a spine. I have learned on a day to day basis that with real communication and effort in a marriage it gets better even if you argue. As long as it isn't screaming matches then it's normal.
Something I think you two need to do is just discuss everything...and I mean EVERYTHING..from trash to bills. Have a sit down chat and just ask him point blank how he would like the chores and etc split up. And you talk this out until you see eye to eye. If neither of you can't discuss everyday issues then there are some major communication problems that should be fixed now before they get worse.
I'm sure you've been told that this happens in all long-term relationships. I know that I've definitely been there. My best advice is to rise above how tired you are after a long day at work- take 30 minutes to just lay on the bed and recharge yourself (be sure to give your hubby the same opportunity)- and then make a plan! Even if you don't feel like it, making the plan can get you excited and if you're not excited while making it, once you get out you will feel better.
My fiance and I are expecting our first child, and believe me, we know about budgeting and unexpected bills. To stay connected with eachother we do lots of cheap things that are made fun because we create the idea together and get excited about it together. For instance:
-We go to a budget movie place that plays films that are in between theaters and release. It costs $6 for both us. We skip the popcorn and sneak in a bag of candy in my purse.
-We dress-up a little and go out to a sports bar. We play darts or pool- he drinks a few beers and I have a sprite or ginger ale. It becomes a fun little tournament about who comes out ahead in wins.
-We find a recipe that sounds awesome based on something in our fridge, then run to the grocery store together to get frest veggies or a few missing ingredients. We blast some favorite music in the kitchen and become gormet chefs together for the night.
-We take a walk together. Just walking next to eachother can open up some fun conversations as you watch people pass you, little league games, different-looking houses etc. Just try to stay away from bill talk for the walk, unless you find that you two talk things out better while walking, then it might be a way to make the issue feel settled for the night.
- We pop popcorn and wach pick a movie from Redbox or video rental. It's stilll a night in, but it's a fun night. We pick a theme, like our favorite scary movies, favorite movies from our childhoods, classics that the other hasn't seen or just new movies that look good. Splurge on some soda and snacks, get in your Pjs and have a double feature!
-Sometimes after we've been fighting, one of us makes a little gesture to reconnect us. He brings home ice cream. I make a late dinner and wait for him until he comes home from work at 10:00. He does all the dishes or brings me home some sunflowers. Sometimes something out of the ordinary and little can reenergize your relationship enough where it feels like the rut is over.
Those are just things we do. There are thousand of other cheap date ideas online it's pretty easy to find one that fits you two! Good luck to you!
We got a book called something like "You Still Give me Butterflies"...
Half the book is HIS and half is HERS. Each page has an envelope on it and inside it is a butterfly. Each butterfly has a theme and directions to woo the other person.
An example, I picked a butterfly and it suggested I create a love jar. I decorated a pasta sauce jar and each time we hug or kiss, we put change inside it. Each time we make love, we put cash inside it. Whatever we have, a $1 bill or a $20 bill. But every time. I put a date on it and in one year, we will open it and use that money for a special treat or vacation (there's a lot in there!) it makes us closer.
Another example, he picked a butterfly and it suggested he write me a love letter. But not about what he loves about me, but why he appreciates me. It was the most heartfelt thing he's said to me in our 9 year relationship!
We don't use the book all the time, only when we need a little boost.