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Etiquette Question - Shower related
So, I'm sure I should remember this from the whole wedding planning stuff, but I need your opinions. I'm well aware that it's tacky to throw your own shower. No worries - I'm not planning on doing that. My sister has already stated she wants to throw my baby shower. I know she's super excited to be an Aunt. I'm torn in wanting or letting her do it.
Reasons why:
1) If it's after the holidays as it probably will be since before the holidays seems way to early, I don't want to be driving 5 hours when I'm that freaking pregnant. I'll be at least 34 weeks if not further along by the time the holidays are over. Theoretically I could go into labor whenever at that point. Not that I would, but yeah. So the distance is a problem for me.
2) She threw my wedding shower and sent out the invites two days before. Other than one of my friends whom I notified weeks in advance and a few friends of the family, no one showed up. It really felt like a complete waste of a weekend since I drove all the way up there with my MIL who took off work. She had great decorations and beautiful cakes, but it was kind of a let down.
Those are really my biggest reasons. I don't want to drive all the way to visit when I'm that pregnant to have barely anyone there. I was trying to make a list of who I thought would attend if hosted where my sister lives versus where I live. More people would/could come from DH's side where I live now if hosted here. It's hard to know who would come where my sister lives as it will depend on when they get the invite.
So do I tell her thanks but no thanks unless it's before the holidays? Do I say whatever she wants is great with one exception, please have it at my house? Or do I suck it up and let her do her thing even if it ends up the same as my wedding shower? On a side note, I do not feel like I need a shower, only that it would be fun as I'm a first time mom.
Re: Etiquette Question - Shower related
I would tell her that you are touched to have her work on the shower, but it would need to be at my (your) place or close by because DH's family isn't able to travel that far. I totally am one to blame it on someone else when they don't know it. This way she still feels included in the planning but you got to pick the location. I would also throw in some things like, I was thinking the night before you could come stay with us to help clean/set up and get in some sisterly bonding time before the baby comes. Maybe have the shower on a sunday and she come friday night. Have a girls night? Then she feels really special?
This is totally all coming from someone who doesn't know you and your sister's relationship.
So it wouldn't be weird to suggest or request that it be where I live? I was thinking along similar lines of having her come down a day early just to hang out. Of course my Mom would come with her.
All of the reasons you listed are real reasons. And they would sound better than I don't want to waste my time if you're going to procrastinate. I love my sister and we get along really well. I know she'd be crushed if I told her no thanks. We are just very different
Thanks! I feel better about it now. DH kept telling me to have it at our house, ect. But he tends to do what he wants anyway even if it means stepping on other people's toes. Hopefully it won't really come up this weekend.
And maybe just maybe it won't matter.
DH has been texting me all day. Apparently there is a management position that opened up they want to fill in the next month or two and we'd have to move if he got it. If that happens, then we'd probably have the shower over the holidays while we were back here. The position is in PA. He's all worried about not taking the chance but at the same time I'm in school so he wants to wait. I kindly re-assured him I can transfer schools. It's a pain, but he's been wanting to get into management for a couple of years now. And it would allow me to be a stay at home mom. I'm flexible. 
Oh lordy would both our mothers be mad. Anyway, it's a long shot for him, but I'm crossing my fingers.
I am going to agree with everyone here. Another suggestion though, If you had one at home, could you do it over the holidays? My family is the king of having a holiday get together that is also a birthday party, christening party, baby shower.....
BTW- Where in PA?