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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So my husband and I went home for a weekend, they live out of state. We were having a great time, we spent the day on the boat it was fabulous... UNTIL-- she mentioned we should go to an area where Mexicans hang out (I am half white and half Mexican) she said we should go there so I can hang out with my people. I was so hurt to think that she would think this was funny. I was immediately look to my husband to defend me, but he did not! I am still hurt because of this and I am obviously not over it yet. I keep bringing it up to my husband and still get very upset. How do I get over it?! I need help!!!! She is coming to visit next weekend and I am not sure how I am going to deal with his family.
Re: MIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone takes jokes differently. I'm the the type that doesn't get offended by much because everyone has their own sense of humour and reality as I like to put it.
But, if you are hurt by this comment/joke, I would personally talk to her when she comes down and let her know that what she said bothered you. Let her know that you know she's not bothered by your race but you are little more sensitive when comments like that are made. Sometimes things are taken out of context or said in a way where it can be taken different ways. Who know's what she meant, but until you ask you will never know.
Best of luck. Hopefully things can get patched up.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v42/dazyabbey/?action=view
Suppose you drop her off in front of a senior citizen's center so that she can hang out with HER people?
Two things (including one you won't like):
1. You should try reeling it in a bit. You're assuming the worst which may or may not be true.
2. It sounds like your H doesn't think this is a big deal. Unless you don't trust his judgment b/c he's a bigot (which I doubt), then ask him to do you the favor of explaining one last time why he thinks this isn't a big deal. Tell him that you're willing to take his perspective very seriously in an effort to turn yourself around on this - and that you REALLY want to turn yourself around on this, b/c it's so unpleasant to be assuming the worst (which it is - how much pain might you be unnecessarily inflicting on yourself?)
DON'T GET IN A FIGHT over what he tells you - just ask questions to understand. Then let it rest and think it over for a couple days. Don't talk to anyone else about it - just decide what you think. If his explanation is something that rests soundly in your mind, let your H know and drop the topic forevermore.
If it doesn't, tell him you've given it a lot of thought (as he knows you have) and you're still uneasy. You don't need to go into your reasons for continuing to be uneasy (b/c it will start a fight), just tell him that a little extra assurance would go a long way for you and that you need to know whether or not he understands that another incident can't go unaddressed. Then make a plan that you can both live with. Would you be happy if he just promised you to say something and have a talk with his ma if she says something like that again? Would he be happy talking to his mom about the one incident to understand what she meant?
Above all, one thing I've learned from being with my husband and having his family in my life for almost 10 years - all problems that you all have with each other requires a process to work out. There is NEVER one-time, wham-bam kind of solution. There's some kind of ridiculous tension involved in being a late-start in someone's family that you just have to constantly visit and revisit boundaries and reiterate affections and learn to see them in different lights.
You're entitled to feel whatever you want in this situation. She made an insensitive comment about your race, and whether it was intentional or not, she offended you. If you're not okay with jokes like that, mention it to her, or ask your husband to (if you're not comfortable doing so). She's going to be in your life for a while, and she needs to know where the boundaries are.
Sorry but I respectfully do not agree with you. Race isn't a laughing matter to me. As a Latina I face constant ignorance & racism daily. I think the majority Caucasians don't realize that their comments hurt us deeply. I'm not sure how looking Hispanic is funny? Please enlighten me, I don't think Caucasians are funny. Just saying, maybe you and friends should think about making offensive, insulting jokes. You claim your friend isn't insulted but how do you know? He is all alone in your group of friends, it sounds like. That's tough to stand up for yourself. I do not think making fun of any race is a good idea.