Military Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Wedding dates and deployment
My fiance is in the Army. We don't yet know his deployment date, but it will be some time next year. If it is later in the spring, we are considering getting married before he goes. If it is earlier, we'll get married when he gets back the following year. However, in considering getting married before the deployment, it has come up that all his military friends from college, including his likely best man and second choice best man, will all be deployed. My fiance is willing to get married earlier, since that is what I want to do if at all possible, but I feel bad doing it without his friends. Should we wait, regardless of his deployment date, so his friends can be there?
Re: Wedding dates and deployment
My husband and I had that dilemma when considering when to get married. He's in the Navy and was in the process of getting a new duty station with a new ship. We had no idea where or when to get married. I really wanted the ideal wedding with all of our friends and family but soon realize the military would stand in the way. So we decided that no matter who is there it is our love and commitment to each other that mattered most. We told everyone that we were having a wedding with just our parents and would have a reception with everyone once he came back from deployment. We had a total of 6 people at our wedding. And I wouldn't change it for the world. All of his military friends understand because they are in the same situation remember? Also, they are throwing a huge party for us when they all return.
Whatever you choose keep in mind that you both are most important. You aren't getting married for other people to watch. They already know how in love you are. I'm not saying that our situation was ideal but it was ours and I wouldn't trade that in the world.
Little hint as well... if you are not doing a religious ceremony we found a woman with great reviews who did ours for free because he was military. She adjusted ours to our own style since I'm christian and he isn't. We still had my beliefs but his as well. Keep a look out for those great deals.
Its better to be married before his deployment. Even if its just a Justice of the peace thing and then do a big wedding after. I dont want to worry you, but deploying is not safe or easy, and if your not married you have no rights, and no one tells you any thing. Its better to be in the know.
Also there are other benefits, you can save the extra money you get for being married to buy a house, or pay for your dream wedding, you will be covered by benefits, and have access to counselors and other professionals should you need it while he is gone. Being seperated is very hard!
When we planned our wedding it was for September, then loand behold the Navy changed things, and we had to move it up to MAY to get married before his deployment. It was the weekend I graduated from college so it was VERY busy, but well worth it.
Nothing you do in the military ever seems to go as planned, and thats part of the military life style. I think this is just the first test in a long line of them to come!
Good Luck, and congrats on the wedding! Ihope it all works out for you both!
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I highly disagree with this advice. Rushing a marriage because of a deployment just adds stress to an already crappy time. My H is in an MOS that is dangerous in garrison as well as on deployment, and because of that, he adjusted all of his paperwork so that I was taken care of financially if anything happened to him in a training accident (we went to the funeral of his coworker shortly before he deployed and there were similar accidents for other units while he was gone). So I was taken care of if anything happened to him while training, and then he didn't have to change anything when we did get married, except for one box that had nothing to do with $$.
On the other hand, there is absolutely nothing like wedding planning to take your mind off him being gone, and he gets to have those who are important to him there. It is really hard to go from being married to immediately separated. Having my FI gone was way different than having my H gone (FI leaving was like, good, I can put together the favors or whatever, H leaving for a month training was like, I've been married for four days and my H is gone. Sad panda). If you guys have never been through a deployment together, it's also a really great plan to do so before you're married. Family readiness officers (or ombudsmen or whatever depending on his branch) are pretty good about adding any person the service member wants to the information dissemination as well. Sometimes you'll get a crap FRO and you'll get no info even if you are married. When I was engaged and dating H, he was in one unit with a fantastic FRO who kept everyone on the list in the loop. H moved to a different squadron with a terrible FRO and I had to get on her multiple times to include me on information dissemination lists even though H went to her office and watched her input me. It had nothing to do with being his wife, she was just incompetent. If you want to be on the list, get yourself on the list. Don't sit around waiting for people to come to you if you need support or information. Find out from your FI before he leaves who to contact (ie not his chain of command, rather find out who the family support point of contact is) and do it. The Marine Corps set up this amazing website where you can create an account, choose a unit, and get info. You don't have to be married for that either. I was also on H's RED (record of emergency data) as his emergency contact and first casualty notification, before we were married.
I'd also like to point out that deployment is what you make of it. This past deployment had a couple of bad days, but it really is all in your attitude. If you go into it thinking, "OH MY GOSH DEPLOYMENT IS DANGEROUS AND SCARY" you will have a hard time being separated. I went into it looking at the positives (saving money, extra time for me to work and make even more money, more time for me to work out, I can eat and watch what I want, etc.). This deployment, even though my H was getting shot at 4/5 days per week, I was able to keep it together, which was immensely helpful for him.
I completely disagree with a good majority of this. Listen to Stan, she gives great advice.