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Second thoughts... Should I stay or should I go?
I have been married almost 4 years. We both have 1 child from a previous relationship, 1 toddler and 1 on the way (09/2012). My husband is in the military and we have to move in 10 days. I have resigned from my job. I made double his salary and I do not have a job yet. So we will be living off of his income only. My oldest child is going to college and I have some funds saved but not a lot, no child support from father (court is aware and violation order is being enforced but he's unemployed).
I feel like my husband is being disrespectful. I am 8 months pregnant and preparing for this move by myself. He came home a few times to assist but was not a help at all. He's rude, disrepectful and it may be because of the huge weight of carrying us all.
I am having second thoughts about leaving. I could pay for college if I stayed working, I would be able to be daycare for both kids if I stayed and continue working. It's not too late to retract my resignation (i think). I have suggested counseling but I am not sure he will go.
Should I stay or should I go?
Re: Second thoughts... Should I stay or should I go?
Does he know how you feel about his not pitching in?
If he does not, say so.
Communication is key.
I'd sit him down for a nice long fireside chat and make it as blunt as possible. Not fair to you at all to make you pull the whole load of the move and particularly not very fair in the light of the fact that you are pregnant and doing it alone.
He's got no right to speak to you like you'e nobody. He needs to stop that and stop it now.
How is he disrespectful and rude? Just curious avout what he is saying/doing.
If I remember you correctly, he is a geo bachlor right now, yes? Are you doing a DITY move or are you having a the military move you? If you are doing a DITY, don't you're pregnant. If you are having the military move you, they will come do a walk through of the house to see how much they need to bring for boxes and how big of a truck they will need to take your stuff to the next destination. Then the packers will show up and pack for 2-3 days depending on how much stuff you have. Then they drive it to where you will be, then they will unload it at your new house. Do you have a house yet? Summer is one of the busiest times for military contractors for moves. So you may not hear anything from the movers until shortly before you are expected to get packed up. Our last move we didn't hear anything from the movers until 10-14 days before they were suppose to come, and we had to call them.
As someone that has dealt with military moves, I am usually the only one that moves us. Most of the time he isn't able to help due to work. It's a stressful time for both spouses. But despite the stress of the situation you two need to talk, and you need to let him know that you need help. See if there is anyway he can get time off to help with the move.
Now if you stay or go that's up to you. I'm away from my Dh enough with his deployments and trainings, that I would go with him so I can spend time with him.
Marriage is a major commitment and military men aren't the easiest to be married to. My husband is a Marine and trust me when I say I understand your frustrations. They can be very demanding and show very little affection (mine anyway). You shouldn't have to deal the stress of moving, the military can handle that for you. You have to continuely call and they are slowwwww but they can take care of it. I think the first thing you should remember is you are married and that means for better or worse through good and bad through stress, heartache, confusion you vowed to stand beside this man. If financially you will be burdened by the move now is not the time because being a mother of three that had to relocate during my last trimeseter of pregnancy, readjusting the kids, childbirth and a cut in income almost cost me my marriage. Do it if there is no other option to maintaining your marriage. If he is willing to go alone and you trust that you will be ok with him gone I recommend you to stay. Before you make a decision give it a lot of meditation and prayer. If your husband thinks the same way as mine (military minded) talk to him from the heart and ask for counseling before you make your decision but before you talk to him about counseling make sure you dot all your I's and cross all your T's and have an answer for everyone of his....I don't need counseling responses. I'm praying for you, you are facing a really difficult situation but remember you are his wife. Good Luck!
Naomi Says
I don't agree with baby bunny but had my computer act up twice.
Does anyone else find this advice annoying and unhelpful?
You can't shut your eyes, pray and hope things get better. You can't sit around and let life happen around you and hope for the best. You have to weigh your options and decide what's best for you and your family.