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Help Transitions, Boundaries, and MIL Oh My!
My MIL and I had a great relationship until we moved. I dated my DH for 5 years and then have been married for 5 years. I think she is having adjustment issues? We invite them over, I treat her respectfully, my FIL is always cool, but my MIL is always negative and I don?t know what to say.
What has made it worse is that we have had a few arguments where I have had to say what do you mean by that, which of course catches her off guard.
My BIL?s girlfriend is playing up on this too. She was sooo rude to my husband and myself the last family camping trip. I wasn?t offended because this is the second girlfriend and time. Out of four girlfriends who has acted up in DH family. My husband on the other hand felt it was blatant and disrespectful. So, he called his brother on it. Brother acknowledges she was being rude, but then DH received what he felt was a BS apology from BIL?s girlfriend DH didn?t respond to it.
BIL went to his dad and mom to talk about it, he told them that, ?because my DH did not respond to this, she apparently threw a sobbing fit, where she was sick and worked from home for a week.?
Well MIL and FIL came over and talked to us about what BIL said. They told my husband because he is the oldest he needs to fix it. Husband agreed but, he feels his brother should be the one talking to him not FIL & MIL. While we were talking we also took the opportunity to talk about boundaries? and how we are really calling stuff out right now because we are thinking about finally having a baby soon.
My MIL told me that having a baby is not a race. I have been with my husband for ten years? She offended me and I asked her what she meant, and then she started to compare me to her sister who she doesn?t like who had an abortion. I asked her to clarify again? She said she doesn?t want me to feel family pressure? I don?t. I moved far away so, I can finally feel that I can start my own family. I know I need to get passed this, but any coping advice or tips to get through this transitional phase. Please help.
Re: Help Transitions, Boundaries, and MIL Oh My!
I think you and hubby should practice need to know with your family, and if some one is rude to you and they have no significant impact in your life, then let it go, move on, or be a little politly catty back. Learn to stand up to your self being as polite as possible, killing with kindness...
I have a big family i am one of 6 and believe me, we dont all get along all the time, and my relationship with my in-laws is ricky at best, and I have learned that if i brush it off, dont let it faze me htne people dont the reaction they want and eventually stop, i am always polite and kind, and try to contribute to conversation or sitations accordingly, but at the end of the day its you and hubby and everyone else. And if baby is on your mind, then it will soon be you hubby and baby and everyone else.
Start to practice not being effected and then when your baby gets here you will know how to teach baby to be the same. Its an effective tool IRL as well...
Good Luck to you!
After 5 years of trying to get pregnant, it finally happened!
FET #1: 11/23 Transfered 2 little embryos
POAS 11/29, BFP!!! POAS 12/02 BFP!!!
12/2 9dp5dt Beta #1: 37; 12/6 13dp5dt Beta #2: 130; 12/8 15dp5dt Beta #3: 315; 12/15 22dp5dt Beta #4: 3200
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12/26 - Ultrasound #2: 7w4d: Perfect! HB-160
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3/1 - Ultrasound: 70% Girl!
3/21 - Ultrasound: 100% BOY!!!! OMG what a shock! Maison Thomas is on HIS way!
GROW BABY,GROW!
You two should start smiling and nodding. "oh, ok so and so that's a good point" or "I'll keep that in mind" and other phrases to that polite you are allowed to have your opinion but I don't really care effect. Then when you and H are alone you can vent and let off steam all you want. Also like pp's said kill with kindness and don't talk to them as much.
Have a baby when you want. Talk with H about when a child is born what boundaries are you going to set with his family. How much contact will they have with LO. Will anyone be able to watch LO without either of you around.