Relationships
Watermelon26
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL
My mother in law is a very controlling person. She ended up getting a divorse when my husband was around 12. He has become his moms little boy. He will do anything for her and it was not bad while we were dating. He has been in contact with his father but his mother wants nothing to do with him. When I tried to tell his mom that his father was invited to the wedding and he would be a part of our lives, she got very upset and caused a very big problem between me and her family. She has refused to talk to me ever since I mentioned that. We just got married 3 weeks ago in Utah where I am from and we planned on having a reception in Texas (where he is from) for all of his family who couldn't be there. Here is where I need advise, I would like to know what is happening at the Texas reception and give my input on things. She thinks that because of this I am going to try and take full controll of everything and no one is going to be able to help. Everytime I try to talk to her about it she will not respond to me because my husband tells her not to but he is going and talking to her about it and then making me look like a idiot for not knowing what is going on. I feel like there is so much I am not being let in on for this because of the whole situation. The reception is just around the corner and there is a wedge being driven into my marriage because of my MIL. I don't know what to do anymore to make it all work out for the better. HELP!
Re: MIL
your MIL hasn't created this wedge, your husband has. Why is he telling your mom not to respond to you then going behind your back and talking to her about details without discussing them with you first? You need to straighten this out ASAP with your husband or this could be a long bumpy road for you.
You guys need to be a team, make decisions together then stick by them. As for your husbands father being part of your lives, it really should be your husband discussing those issues with your MIL not you.
Your MIL may be a b!tch, but your H is the problem.
I'm not exaggerating even a little when I say that I would look in to an annulement. He is making clear that she will always come first with him. Is that how you want to spend your life?
This. This whole situation is crazy. Though, have you tried calling her directly?
Your big problem: your H and not your MIL.
He needs to man up and stand up for his rights and be a team with you.
BTW, it is NOT a reception. If it was held the same day you got married, then it is a reception. What you are having is a party or a celebration of marriage, not a reception.
Demand he be a team with you and stand by you. If he won't, you've got bad news and bad times ahead. Be prepared to take a back seat forever.
I thought I would jump on here. I am so sorry that you are facing these challenges in your marriage as a newlywed. Relationships with those closest to us can be so complicated, especially with hubby and you not being on the same page about his mom.
It is obvious that you are learning all about the family dynamics and how they work regarding your in-laws. I so remember what it as like as a new wife trying to figure out where I fit in with my DH's family. I can see that you are not sure what to do to make things right with your MIL when she is not making it easy for you. Perhaps you could sit down together and have a family meeting.
Do you have someone in your life who can be objective that you can talk to in person about this? I know how essential it was for me to be able to get a different perspective on how to handle things with my DH's family. I know from having worked with Focus on the Family, they have counselors who will talk with you over the phone for free. They're very kind and understanding and really want to help. You can call 1-855-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. (MT). They also have a FAQ on their website about a strained relationship with the in-laws that might be beneficial to read.
Just some thoughts...I will be praying...
The MIL needs to be reminded she made mistakes with her son that you are living with, and the same goes for your parents, and that you both are a team and will make your own mistakes to learn from, that you don't want to make those same mistakes your parents made with each of you. Having said that, the hubby needs to go to his mother and tell her the "party" is for the both of you and that YOU will be included. Better yet, you both need to address this with her together face to face.
2nd, his Dad is his Dad, and if the Mother doesn't want to be there because he is there, her choice, even though it will be sad for your hubby that they both aren't there together. You two are together, start making decisions together! You need to step up to the plate to your husband, today!
I just got married a month ago today, and my hubby or I would NEVER let this happen. WE are the decision makers on our lives.
This x 3.