Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
WWYD
One of my best friends who was a BM in my wedding and I was in hers (she married exactly 7 weeks after me), recently announced that after her HM in October they are going to TTC...
Normally I would be really happy for her, however I was so shocked I didn't know what to say...
Here's why: she lives in her parents basement with her DH. Why? She used to rent a house with then FI, but they became so bogged down with credit card debt, and were financially unable to pay their bills, they were forced to move in with her parents... her parents are paying for everything: food, utilities bills, their credit card bills, her car payments, etc. They spend most of the money they make on movies, clothing or other gadgets, and they don't make much to begin with... therefore they are not saving money...
The money they are spending on a HM could be saved or used to paying her parents back... it is just clearly NOT the best time for them to have a baby, they can barely take care of themselves how are they are going to with a child and live in her parent's basement?
I know she is excited to start a family, but I just don't know how to be excited for her when it's clear it's not a wise decision for them right now...
Last night when hanging out with our MOH, she having the same feelings as me, asked them if she was going to go back to work after baby, questions about daycare, where they were going to live, and they just continued to say, "Eh you know we'll figure it out..." like clearly they don't have a plan, at all...
I guess I just don't know how to be supportive, I love her, as she is my BFF, but it's just so hard to be excited for her... I know people say when you crunch the numbers you wonder how you will ever afford a baby, but I am sure those people have steady income, and can afford all of the bills they currently have, including rent/mortgage in a place they call home... not in their parent's basement... 
Re: WWYD
At the end if the day its her life and her (and her H's) decision not yours....
having said that, I would probably bring up some of these points with her, not in an accusing way, but just have a conversation with her as a friend about how much work and money kids really are and keep asking questions about how she plans on dealing with various aspects of it.
Let her know you will be a friend and support her either way but that you do have some concerns. And if they still decide to have kids....love her and love her kids anyways!
My Blog:Through My Eyes
I agree with pp. While you are concerned (and rightfully so), we don't have any say on how others spend their money, how they live, or make a major life altering decision that could make their situation even worse (babies are wonderful, but they do cost money).
H's cosuin and his FI just got an apartment together. They have been together a year and he has lived at home all his life (he's 27). So, he has never had to pay rent, insurence, buy groceries. Live. He was unemployed for about three years and only just got a job. While we have no idea what he makes, people in the family are concerned for the way he is spending his money and his decision making. Last week he bought a car. Not just any car. A $70,000 car. His FI got into a car accident on Saturday and she was telling me she had no one to help her move into their apartment and she couldn't afford a mover!
The point is, not everyone has their priorities straight. As a friend, I would just talk to her and not accuse her and tell her how you think they should do things. I would voice my concerns. But in the end, you can't make them see what they are doing wrong and tell them how to live. Like H's cousin, they will learn the hard way.
I've had to deal with this a few times. The worst was when SIL got pregnant with her first baby about five years ago. She and her boyfriend owned a house but they were drowning in debt and both were only working part-time. They talked about TTC but no one really took them seriously, and when they finally announced they were pregnant, no one really knew how to react. They were upset with us for not jumping up and down excited for them. To make matters worse, my FIL jumped all over them, telling them they weren't ready and they had made a horrible mistake. It was awful. They have two kids now, and had to sell their house to avoid foreclosure and still struggle.
If she asks for your opinion, I would just talk about your concerns, like PPs said, in a non-confrontational way. As a friend I would find this frustrating though, since you know she'll most probably be coming to you with her issues later. Good luck to them and to you!
I know it's uncomfortable to smile and nod and let it go because she's your friend, but sometimes you just have to. I wouldn't even give advice, maybe only if she asks for it, and I'm guessing she won't. She doesn't need your permission to live her life and you will only come off pushy and arrogant if you try to talk to her unprovoked.
Honestly, if I were you, I would say nothing and offer to babysit.
this...
I confronted one of my oldest friends (knew each other practically from the womb!) about getting married a few weeks out of high school. I was the ONLY ONE who would tell her my concerns about getting married at 18 and wasn't all caught up in the "glamour" of the wedding itself. 15 years later, we're still friendly and I still love her to pieces, but it's just not the same relationship. Now that they have since divorced and she has remarried, it feels so odd between us now.
Best advice I can give you, is tread lightly. Decide if this is something worth expressing your concerns over. If it is, then be prepared for whatever ramifications that has.
GL
This is exactly what I was going to say.
Thank you ladies so much for your advice! I think I will just tread lightly with this for now and let her bring it up, maybe pose some questions in a non-threatening, non-judemental way.