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Family Feud: Christmas with what family???
We are fighting about Christmas and who we are spending it with. Here are the facts:
- Last year we we agreed that we would spend christmas eve/Christmas morning with one family and Christmas Day with the other
- This coming year I have Christmas Eve/Christmas Morning with my family
- Speed up to now: My sisters are across the country and both will have new babies. They are going to DRIVE all the way here to spend the holiday at my parents house 5 hours away from us.
- MY grandparents are also making the long hall (across the country to spend Christmas with us)
- My family is not getting to my parents house until the 23rd. So if we did the arrangements we set up I would only see my sisters/new babies/grandparents for one full day.
- I suggest to my husband that we spend this Christmas with my family and next Christmas with his since the circumstances have changed.
- He disagrees and says we set this up last year and thats that. (we had a full out yelling match about it)
Please help: Should I keep my stance that I want to be with my family longer than just the one day? Or should I meet in the middle...and middle would mean I only get to see my family that is driving out for one day.
Re: Family Feud: Christmas with what family???
One solution:
Alternate each year. One year your family next year his
Or you and he host your own Christmas festivities. Invite who you want; if they want to come or can make it, great. If not, they missed a good time.
This would also be an excellent opportunity for the both of you to include people who may not have anywhere to go for Christmas; I am sure you have neighbors and friends and coworkers, those you know socially, etc. who are in that category.
You and he are THE FAMILY; you are to be your own family unit and have your own holiday celebrations. GL.
I guess I need more information to see what other options there are- all the facts I see listed are what applies to your family, and not your in-laws. How often do you get to see your in-laws? How long do you usually get to spend with them? How much might they already be looking forward to seeing you Christmas Day? Do you have vacation time or money saved up to go visit your sisters/ babies and grandparents at another point during the year- and if not, could it be made a priority to start saving up?
With the information you gave, my vote is to stick to the plan you made last year and be extra excited for the day you have because you'll get to see your grandparents and sisters and new babies too.
My husband and I do the same as you mentioned only with his family (since there are no kids yet) we have his side of the family's Christmas on the weekend before usually.
This works out for his sister that lives in MN and us who live in IL to go to his parents who live in WI then on the way home we stop at my parents to celebrate Christmas Eve and Morning. (since I have a younger brother who is still at that age of needing Christmas on the actual Christmas Day)
Suggest this to your husband maybe, since Christmas is on a Monday/Tuesday this year maybe he'll be more into spending the weekend with his side and Sunday (night) Monday/Tuesday and even Wednesday with your side.
To the picture you painted - I can understand why you want to change things. And what bothers me is your DH's "absolute" no, you cna't change your plans. This is the perfect example of how sometimes things happen than require flexibility. And it bothers me that he's not willing to work with you.
BUT this also goes back to VA's point- we're only hearing about your family. Where does his family fit into this?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My daughter and her family alternate with Thanksgiving
and Christmas. It works out very well. One year Xmas
with me, Thanksgiving with her partner's family. Vice
versa the next year. I will see them sometime around
Xmas when it isn't my year.
Try to have a discussion, not a fight about the holiday.
Good Luck.
How did you "suggest" did you ask or did you demand?
Could you go up to visit your family the day(s) after Christmas? How long is your sister staying in town?
This is one of the hardest parts of having two sets of parents now that you are married. It was really hard the first year for me, because I LOVE spending the whole Christmas holiday with my family, but I also love his family. Luckily for us, our parents live pretty close to each other (about 20 minutes apart). So I'm lucky in that way. I'm also lucky in the fact that our siblings still live at home, since they are younger than us.
DH's family has Chipino every Christmas Eve, that's their tradition, so we go there every Christmas Eve. This past year they even invited my parents over, which was awesome. After Chipino, we go over to my parents to spend the night and wake up early to open presents as we've always done (usually about 6 or 7am). Then we go back to DH's parents in the afternoon for a late lunch and to open presents. It's always hard, but it seems to work out the best for us.
Considering the circumstances, I would agree with one of the posters and say host a Christmas get together. Explain to dh you really want to spend quality time with your family (especially with newborns in the picture) but also want to respect he wants of spending time with his.
I think it will make everyone happy and maybe his family will enjoy spending time with the little ones as well. It might become a new tradition. You never know until you make the suggestion.
Best of luck.
How long will your relatives be in town? Can you spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with your inlaws (or Christmas Eve at home and the day with your inlaws), and then visit your family for a few days after Christmas?
I think it's pretty unreasonable for you to expect him to be okay with this, given the prior agreement. I also don't see how a "suggestion" becomes a yelling match. If he wants you to honor the prior agreement, you should respect that and you should not be yelling at him over it, or nagging him about it, or whatever. In marriage, you need to be able to trust one another to keep promises and live up to agreements. Right now, it's your turn to be the sort of person who deserves that kind of trust. If he really is yelling at you over a mere suggestion, Christmas is the least of your worries and you need either a good marriage counselor or a good divorce lawyer, ASAP.