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How would you handle? (hormone problems- long!)
DH are young (both 21) and still getting school done and careers started. That being said, we don't want kids any time soon. We were shooting for late 20's at the earliest.
Last year I had a REALLY awful period and went to my doctor to make sure everything was ok. She told me that I had had a miscarriage. I remember being sick a few (maybe 4 or 5) weeks before going, but dismissed it because I am hypoglycemic and am often sick/throwing up. We ran some tests and she said I have the estrogen level of "a 50 year old lady" (her words, not mine) and that getting pregnant would be very hard for me, and would usually end up as a miscarriage. She also said that the longer we wait, the more difficult it will get. We decided that I would get off bc because it's not like we really needed it, and if I somehow did get pregnant, we would be over-joyed at the miracle! But now I have had to start taking bc because my periods are very heavy and sporadic (I have missed almost a full week of work because of them). And now since I am back on bc and my hormones are getting even more out of whack, it is going to be EVEN MORE difficult to get pregnant in the long run.
So now DH is freaking out about babies. He said he doesn't want me to go back on bc because he doesn't want that to ruin our chances of having a baby in the future. And he's saying now that he wants to try sooner, like the beginning of next year! He doesn't want us to miss our only chance to have kids because we were "selfish about our careers."
He is not really pressuring me about it too much, but I do understand what he is saying. I would hate to finally be "ready" to have a kid, but then find out that we waited too long. My problem is: I can't stay off bc because my periods are SO AWFUL. I don't want to go into detail but it's BAD. BUT I also don't want to rush into having kids right now- we are still kids! DH is still in school! And on top of everything we are buying a house at the end of the year that needs a lot of fixing-up. I don't think we could juggle that AND a baby. He is saying we could have a baby first, and THEN move, but our condo is so tiny and we both hate it.
If you were in our situation what would you do? (Just trying to get feedback and making sure I am not being selfish here). Thanks!
Re: How would you handle? (hormone problems- long!)
In my opinion, if you aren't ready, you aren't ready. And not being ready could be a number of things (i.e. I want to finish school first, I want to have a house first, I want to travel first, I want DH out of school, I want a steady job, etc).
Looking at how things are RIGHT NOW, could you handle caring for an infant? Things to consider: finances, life goals, current things (school, work, etc.), housing, among many others.
Also, as others will probably suggest, there are other ways of having children if it does come down to the fact that you waited too long to have one through natural conception.
This topic really comes down to sitting down with DH and talking through the pros and cons of trying now. And what would happen if you did wait, the pros and cons. Also the possibility of having to take another route (IVF, adoption, serogate) and if these would be options for you two. Good luck!!
I am in the EXACT position. No joke. Except mine is Endometreosis and the obgyn says I should try in the next year for kids because we may not have good chances due to my family history and all my non exisiting hormones and what not.
So anywho. We have been married just over a year, both have degrees, not the jobs we want, but jobs that pay the bills, student loan payments that are about 900 a month, so obviously not ideal baby budget, BUT I have been thinking about this long and hard since about February when we found out about the whole endo thing. So even though I wanted to wait at least another year of two (to be around 26ish.. we are both 24 now) we actually might go ahead and start trying at the end of the year.
We weighed the pros and cons and I think regretting not trying to have kids now due to me being shelfish (i.e. wanting to go on spontaneous trips, do a little more school, or whatever you do before kids
I would hate myself even more if I waited too long. It is very scary to think about having kids, but I know a ton of women who had them early or had them when they "weren't ready" and they are just fine. Eveyone is different in their "I am ready" stages, but I know just how you feel.
Just take your time and look at ALL the options. Almost every woman I have spoken too has said, "you will never feel 100% ready for kids," they happen, they are a blessing, and you roll with the punches." I am going with that one. As long as we have a roof over our heads, amily support, insurance, and money to eat and live with another mouth to feed, then that is as ready as i will ever be. Good Luck.
"there are other ways of having children if it does come down to the fact that you waited too long to have one through natural conception."
AND THIS IS PERFECT. if you truely aren't ready seeing how the moving/condo and your man being in school, this is always an alternative.
If you're not ready for kids, don't try to have one! I know that's easy for me to say, because as far as I know, FI and I will be able to conceive naturally - not that we've tried, so we could be infertile, but we'll deal with that then. You're dealing with that prospect now, but I still don't think it changes my answer.
I'd suggest you go back on the pill for now (because you sound truly miserable not on it, and even if you do TTC, who knows how long it will take), and try not to think about kids too much for a while. You never know, your hormones *could* change (of course, I know nothing about your condition, so I could be wrong) and you *could* conceive naturally at a later date when you're actually ready. If you are unable to, adoption will always be an option you could consider. This is what I would do in your situation, and what we would do if we were given similar news to what you just were in the past year or so (we're a couple years older/more established than you guys are) because finishing school, settling into our first house, and starting our careers were/are simply too important to us.
Sorry for the long reply:
I agree with many of the other posters--if you're not ready, don't try to have a baby now. Pregnancy and raising a child are stressful enough as it is--imagine how it will be if you knew you weren't ready to enter into those stages in the first place!
Also, just because you might not try right now, doesn't mean you'll necessarily be waiting 5 or 10 years. You're still very young and even though you may not be ready at 21, you might find you suddenly feel ready at 22. Who knows? I would give yourself and your DH some time to process this news and do what feels right for you and your body.
Also, if it turns out you never are able to conceive, I know it would be hard not to do, but don't blame waiting for it not happening. It's possible that even if you started today it would not work out. It's possible that even if you started 5 years ago, it would not have worked out. So cut yourselves some slack. You have each other and that's what matters.
On the flip side, and I'm not your doctor so I don't want to say that everything will work out perfectly, but I have known women who were told they could never have children who were very surprised when they suddenly got pregnant.
Point is: I know you want to take control of your own future as much as possible, but you can only listen to yourself and your body and do what you're ready for and then see what this crazy world holds for you once you decide to take action.
I also understand what you mean about your menstrual problems, and I would definitely not go off the bc if you're not ready! I was put on bc for similar reasons back in high school after about 4 years of horribly painful, extrmely heavy, long and sporadic periods. I've been on the pill for about 11 years (I'm 27) and I'm scared to go off of it because the doctor said my period will likely be as it was before, which was, as you said, AWFUL. I understand your and your DH's fears, but I wouldn't let him scare you off of the pill until you're ready to have a baby or your doctor recommends it.