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Problems with the Sister in Law
Ok sorry in advance because this will probably be long. My husband and I have been married for 3 years now and have been together for 7 years. I have always had problems with his sister. There is a four year difference in age. (we are 24 and she is 20) I know that she still has a long of growing up to do and that I should compare her to my husband and I even though a lot of the times I do. She is going to college which is great and working part time at my work. (This makes life even harder seeing her every day.) I can remember from the very beginning when her Mom would ask me to pick her up from cheer practice and she would hide from me and not come out. To the point I would have to call her Mom to come get her. Since she?s the baby she never really gets in trouble. Instead of disciplining her when she would pull stunts like this they would just make her say sorry which she never really did and she would get out of it because she would cry. Anyways, I?ve asked my husband several times is it because I ?took you away? and he says ?No, we were never close? I?ve seen home videos of the two of them and they were really never close. He worshiped the ground she walked on and she treated him like dirt. Anyways, when we were getting married my husband refused to allow her in the wedding. I couldn?t bare to do that no matter how much I did not like her I didn?t want to look back years down the road and regret my decision. So I did the right thing and ask her to be in it. It caused a giant fight between my husband and I but I still wouldn?t take it back because I know it was the right thing to do. Over the years she has called me some very rude names. I was very over weight for the past 2 years because of depression. She would call me a beach whale, ***, C*nt? you name it, she?s called me it. I have never called her anything like this. I have said that I don?t like her because of what she has done to me and I?ll admit I?ve called her a B*tch lol. But do you blame me? I know, I know be the better person. There has been a couple times now that we have put things aside and work pass and became friends again. But like always something happens and I never know what and she just stops talking to me, doesn?t tell me anything. I have tried and tired. But the biggest problem is that we both work for my FIL and there is a gal that works here who is 40 years old who hates me because I transferred out of her department to be higher ranked and she felt betrayed. So ever since than her and my SIL have become BFF. Keep in mind the women is 40 and my SIL is 20. My SIL is going around calling her Mommy and calls her husband Daddy. Really? It?s just weird. But this woman at work feeds her lies. She claims I say things that I have never said and would never say because I don?t believe them. But she never believes me and she sides with this woman all the time. I just don?t know what to do anymore. I told my husband if this doesn?t get fixed within the next year she will have nothing to do with our children. We plan to have kids next year. I refuse to bring my kids around someone that hates me that bad. All the chances that I have given her and everything. She has never once apologized for all the things she has done and said to me. I?m just lost and I hate putting my husband my M & FIL in this situation. But I don?t want someone that hates me that much being around my kids. How do I know she?s not going to feed them lies?
Re: Problems with the Sister in Law
Oh, for heaven's sake. Your husband knows his sister. Why didn't you follow his lead on how to deal with her, and how much to deal with her? Why do you STILL insist that your way was "the right thing to do" when it has only been a huge headache for you and him? And you even fought with him over this, over wanting your Norman Rockwell mental picture of how his family should be and ignoring who he knows they actually are? You're 100% wrong here, and you SILL won't admit it. And now you're making more trouble for him by whining about her and continuing to engage with her.
For once, listen to your goddamned husband about his own family and stop trying to force some kind of relationship with her, and apologize to your husband while you're at it for causing this whole mess. Apologize profusely. And for god's sake, get a new job.
The SIL's problem is immaturity. she's also been enabled at home and that's contributing to the mess.
And this is another case where your H needs to stand up for you and nip the nastiness with his sister in the bud. Let him take care of this.
She's to treat you civilly and politely.
And your supervisor/ her supervisor -- whichever applies -- is to do the same; if your sil causes a real problem with your work, yep, time to report her to the appropriate person.
QFT
This 100% exactly. Why do you bother trying with her anymore? You know how she is and until/if she matures, things aren't going to change. Definitely apologize to your husband and tell him he was right.
I have to agree with this as well! She sounds extreamly immature for her age and is a lost cause until she finally grows up. Apologize to your husband and move on.
Seriously? Why is there no "like" button on the nest yet?
Kuus said it perfectly.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Yeah, another "ditto Kuus". WTF? The "right thing to do" for your and your DH's wedding was to force him to include a person he didn't want standing up???? Going against your DH's wishes was the "right thing to do"????
Yeah, you need to get your head out of Norman's a$$.
The one thing I do agree with, though, is that I wouldn't be giving access to my childrent to a person who is rude to me and call me names. She doesn't have to like you, but she does need to be civil. If she can't be - yeah, she wouldn't be around my kids either. That is one thing your DH needs to back you up on.
BUT - first, before you deal with that (because you don't have kids and won't for awhile), you need to just back away from his sister and stop engaging her.
And I FULLY agree- get a new job.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10