Sex & Romance
vkayse137
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
No interest in sex
My f;iance and I rarely have sex..I have no interest whatsoever. I love him veryy much and am very attracted to him, but I have had a low sex drive and feel like it's more like work anymore. Mentally I want to but physically emotionally I haven't been. I know he's getting frustrated and feel like he's starting to resent me..I'm worried it's affecting our relationship for sure. He gets mad at me for the littlest things sometimes, but never brings up our sex life..how can I get my sex drive up asap? I heard working out helps..
Re: No interest in sex
You are the Nestie who has the drunken boyfriend....
Tell me again why you are dumb enough to marry this ass:
Hi everyone, I love my f'iance very much, but there's a problem when we go to family events, weddings, birthdays out, bachelor parties. He doesn't drink alchohol often but when he does he gets out of control, it's not often but his episodes are extreme. Last night we went to a joint bach. party and he drink on the limo bus through the whole night, he was so mean to me calling me names, singing was the laughing entertainment on the ride home, even pissed in the back corner or the bus, when we got home he was yelling at me and even pushed me. He was so embarrasing on the ride home. Even though it was all family (cousins and thier wives). They buy paintings from him and he's going to ruin his professional side by acting like this. I'm so upset, I don't even know what to say to him when he wakes up, this is a problem. My Dad is an alchoholic and I can't have him acting like this. I know he was blacked out last night but he was a completely different person. The last time it happened was January. I know it might not happen for a while but then again there's so weddings coming up..how should I go about talking to him about it?
What with him being a total drunken eff up, no wonder you do not want to have sex with him....
Once and again, leave this jerkoff. And AlANon and ACA for YOU, stat.
Do NOT marry your father....you're a textbook case!!!
Holy crap.
How IS the sail on that river called denial?????
You need AlAnon and you needed it about 20 years ago, when you were very young and your father was drunk all the time.
And you can sure use it now, just for your sake because you have a father who is an alcoholic (to hell with your FI; he's hopeless and so are you) and you sure need ACA. Stat, the both of them; do not delay.
You have no idea if he is boozing full time; if he is blacking out and peeing in the back of a bus because he's sh!tfaced drunk (NOT NORMAL behavior for a strictly social drinker) it's a very strong possibility he's a full time alcoholic.For all you know, he is hiding his drinking -- alcoholics can be very good at hiding their addiction --- or maybe he's a full time drunk and you know it... and you are denying that too.
Nobody here's going to sugar coat it or tell you what you want to hear. Remember: when you marry somebody, the problems are automatically permanent. YOu'll be coping with a drunk day in and day out; marriage to a drunk is no marriage at all. He'll kill your trust, your finances and wow, let's not get on the topic of drinking and driving; he is probably doing that, too.
LEAVE this guy.
Alcoholism is a dealbreaker.
"Major turn off of his behavior"? This is how you blow the whole thing off and this is how you classify his alcoholism? And gee, his behavior is ONLY embarrassing...
Major turn offs of one's behavior? to me that's something like somebody who is constantly late for an event...that's certainly NOT somebody who gets piss drunk and then calls you names and shoves you...or blacks out or pees in the back of a bus.
Life with your dad and how he treated you, you kids and his marriage -- did you like his horrific behavior and addiction so much that you decided to repeat the scenario by planning to marry the drunk you're engaged to? You saw how it affected your mother and you kids -- you really want that for yourself in your marriage?
And this...what the hell??
So my f'iance is a successful artist (painter) and I started working for him as his promoter & assistant. (Before I bartended) everything has been going well the past year and a half but a few monthes ago sales have been downhill and we have 4 weddings coming up lots of expensives. We started fighting because I need things and I want to work but he doesn't want me to he says "it's just a rough time" we'll get through it. What should I do?
You don't have a job??
HOw could you possibly not have a job --- what were you doing for a living before you met this guy?
I find this very disturbing that he's controlling about your wanting to work -- I am an artist too and wow, you need something to fall back on when sales are slow or when times are lean. Musicians know that, writers know it, just about everybody in the arts is fully aware of this.
There are many many problems here:
His drinking eclipses all of them
He's giving you flak about working --- and evidently there are money problems and you and he are arguing over that.
AND he can't seem to get it that you are your own person: WHY is he so hell bent on you not working?
And oh yeah...you have no sexual interest in him -- yet you're full speed ahead on planning a wedding to this jerk! WHYYY do you want to marry somebody you have no desire to have sex with?
I still say you need to leave this guy, just because of his drinking. Don't marry this guy --- I guarantee you you'll be back on thsee boards after your wedding with a sh!tload of complaints about how horrible life to a drunk is. Don't say we didn't warn ya.
None of this is meant to be snarky of rude...
I really feel bad for you because I ruely believe you arein denial. None of the behavior your FI has displayed is okay or appropriate. I blieve we told you to leave him because his problems will only get worse and you can't change him. We are not going to give you advice on having more sex with a man we think you should leave.
This. All of this. Why are you wasting your time with this jerk??? WHY????
You don't need a better sex drive- you need a better man.
The man(and I am using this term loosely) you have described on the boards is a drunk, lazy, angry person. He takes you for granted (your own words) and scares you and pushes you (again, your own words). You aren't attracted to him sexually because you know he is a bad person.
I would usually encourage people to work through there problems, but in this case I can't. It's not healthy for you to be in a relationship like this. Once the two of you get married, it will only get worse. His mentality will change from "What can I get away with?" to "Now that we're married, I can do whatever I want." Which to me, it already seems like the case.
Get out of the relationship. asap.
Just so you know, psychological causes do affect sex drive which it appears your fianc? gives you stress, anxiety, depression, etc. Depending on how long you've had low libido, I suggest seeing Dr because it could also be medically related (cancer, diabetes, neurological) that affects sex drive. I recall we all gave you advice to not get married but you're in denial, it might be your insecurity that doesn't think you can do better. Hopefully, you will see a therapist soon to know you should be treated with upmost respect, admiration, affection, etc. This is the person you'll spend forever with and you shouldn't be stressed out when you're not even married yet. When you get married, things will get 'comfortable' and he will know he can step on you and you won't leave...good luck and hoping you get help, to move on without him.
And even if he is sober as the proverbial judge, rethink any man who will not permit you to work!!!
That in itself is abusive and controlling.
You also will be walking on eggs with this jerk -- you'll be walking on eggs when he drinks and you'll be on them constantly even when he is NOT drinking. Who know what he will restrict you from doing next?
If you are sitting home all day with no money and pretty much can't go anwhere or do anything because you have no job and no money, thanks to this guy...wow, don't ask me what I think of a creep like your FI.
Get out NOW. You are only engaged to this jerk; you have no legal and binding contract between the 2 of you.