November 2011 Weddings
jcg98
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
BBC: But Enough About Me... questions
Adapted from the Harper Collins' "Reading Guide":
1. What do you think about Barry White's advice to Jancee,"Love as hard as you can, and as strong as you can, but never, ever fall in love"?
2. Jancee has rules for engaging celebrities in conversation, such as 'never begin with 'I' . . . Leading off with something about yourself is deadly.' Are there rules in the book that could apply to everyday conversations?
3. What was the biggest influence on Jancee's rock and roll lifestyle? Her job, the men she met, or something else?
Re: BBC: But Enough About Me... questions
1. What do you think about Barry White's advice to Jancee,"Love as hard as you can, and as strong as you can, but never, ever fall in love"?
I don't necessarily agree with this, because I think falling in love is great. But at the same time, I can see the merit to that point of view. I'm not sure if this is exactly what they meant, but I think a lot of times if you just love as hard as you can then the petty stuff doesn't get in the way. What do you think they meant by it?
2. Jancee has rules for engaging celebrities in conversation, such as 'never begin with 'I' . . . Leading off with something about yourself is deadly.' Are there rules in the book that could apply to everyday conversations?
I do! I actually thought about this as I read it. It's great advice not just for interviewing a famous rock star, but can be applied to job interviews, meeting new people, or just talking to friends. But particularly for other types of interviews like job interviews because it would really make you stand out amongst others who might also be interviewed. I think this would be great advice in in any instance where you're really trying to stand out and sell yourself.
3. What was the biggest influence on Jancee's rock and roll lifestyle? Her job, the men she met, or something else?
I think it was a combination really. Obviously her job was a key part, because it put her in a situation where she met many of the people, boyfriends and otherwise, that sort of influenced how she behaved. Additionally when she felt like she was losing that lifestyle or when she realized that she didn't necessarily fit in there anymore, her desperation to hang on made her perhaps a bit more reckless in trying to hang onto that rock and roll lifestyle. I think the men she was around definitely contributed to it, but with the job she was in those were largely the type of men that she met. But I think there was just something inherent in her that craved that sort of lifestyle. She was always sort of an outsider in her family and in her circles, and I think that perhaps more than anything led to this aspect of her lifestyle.
I've thought a lot about this, and hope I can articulate what I'm thinking. I think that I love my H as hard and as strong as I can, more so than I have ever loved anyone. And I think that I fell in love with him, I can actually pinpoint when it happened - the day I attended his first doctoral recital. It was the first time I ever heard him perform solo, and there is something completely captivating about him when he plays, because music is so essential to his life force, if that makes sense. But at the same time, I felt that the essence of him would not overwhelm me or cause me to lose my sense of self; rather, he would complement me, and vice versa. It was a completely different kind of "falling in love" than I had ever experienced, and I think that has everything to do with why our relationship formed and lasted. Previous to that, my experience with "falling in love" was more like Jancee's experience with the guys before her husband - falling head over heels to the point where you lose your identity to a certain extent, and months and even years can pass before you finally realize what has happened and reclaim your life. So I think that is what Barry White is getting at - love as hard and as strong as you can without losing yourself or your identity, which can sometimes happen if you "fall in love" with the wrong person. Similarly, I think the phrase itself - falling in love - has become so ubiquitous, especially in Hollywood, and that "falling in love" doesn't always equal "being in love".
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Thats such a good point. I feel the exact same way about my husband. I was really only in two other relationships before him, one was a high school relationship and one was a college relationship.
My college relationship in particular brought out the absolute worst in me in a lot of ways. I wouldn't necessarily say that I changed myself, but I loved my college boyfriend very strongly. But, when I fell in love I became extremely insecure, and he did nothing to stop my insecurities but rather exacerbated them. We just were not a good fit, but we loved each other and tried to make it work for way longer than we probably should've. There were so many things he triedto get me to change, and made me feel like I should be the one who changedmyself to make this work. Therefore I blamed myself a lot for our problems. When we broke up I had a huge identity crisis because I had spent so much time with him being a key part of my identity that I sort of lost myself. I had gone from an extremely confident person to being someone who was extremely insecure with myself.
My husband really changed this. He has from day 1 made me more and more secure in myself and being myself. He's never made me feel that I wasn't good enough, has never made any comments about me changing. And any change he has wanted me to make (getting some of my anxiety issues more under control) have been because he wants me to be happy.
Therefore I really relate to this, though I would say when you fall in love with the right person it is worth it.