Family Matters
HisChamaoleGirl
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Facebook and marital problems
My BIL and SIL have a very rocky marriage. BIL has tried to kill himself after SILgot a protective order against him for herself and their daughter after their last fight. She wanted to leave the house so he threw her car keys to her and they hit her stomach. Anyways they are the type that overshare on FB. Picture "in a relationship" to "single" status changes weekly. The most recent is BIL uploaded and shared a video of SIL smoking a marijuana pipe. He included a description of her full name and the place where she works (federal job btw). Now he is wanting his brother's (my DH) help in leaving her. ummm I want nothing to do with this situation. And I do not want him in my home. Am I wrong for not wanting to be a part of this twisted mix? Should I suck it up and "help" him.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Re: Facebook and marital problems
It's hard to say because I think no matter what each individual person in this world should have a support system. It also depends on the opinions of all involved. How does your husband feel? Is the BIL at least responsible in a way where he would be actively trying to find a new place. Or would he take your kindness for granted?
To be honest it sounds like you would be resentful towards your husband if he did allow it. If that is the case then your better off not allowing it to.
You have every right to not want to get involved in that drama - especially if you feel that your own safety might be at risk in any way....and I would suggest saying that to your H too. Just because he is your H's brother does not mean you guys are obligated to help him.
My mother has had issues with my step-father's family - like always drama with them - lots and lots of drama. While it sucks to tell family that you cannot and will not help them or be part of their drama, sometimes it's just the right thing to do for your own sanity and for the sake of protecting your marriage. Do not feel bad for feeling the way you do either....you have every right to and every right to put your foot down and say no.
Consider him to be dangerous.
That's the bigger problem here, not FB: his instability.
You are right to not want him in your home --- who knows what would happen? He's attempted suicide once.
Your BIL a nd SIL need to figure this out for themselves. Don't run interference; you and your H stay out of this. It won't have a good end if you offer your input of any kind.
Consider him to be dangerous.
That's the bigger problem here, not FB: his instability.
You are right to not want him in your home --- who knows what would happen? He's attempted suicide once.
Your BIL a nd SIL need to figure this out for themselves. Don't run interference; you and your H stay out of this. It won't have a good end if you offer your input of any kind.
You're right to want to stay away from that mess. I would too.
Im curious though-what 'help' does he need exactly? Get a truck, move out, file for divorce. The end.
Could you or DH imagine what he will post of FB if he was to get angry at you?! Why wasn't he hospitalized for the suicide attempt?
He was given anti depressants and offered counseling which he declined. SIL was granted a protective order for her and her daughter but that was violated constantly.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Help = fly him to us and help get him on his feet here. $3k in flights and a 40yr old mouth to feed. How this helps because he is away from his daughter is beyond me
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
These two sound like complete nut jobs to me! Why in the world would you or dh want to be involved. You'd both be just for trouble to help this guy out. I get that he tried to end his life, but he's not making anything better by adding fuel to the fire by posting stupid stuff on fb. Thy both sound like horrible people and I am more concerned for the child than either one of them! I couldn't even imagine what this poor little girl has heard and witnessed from her parents.
oh hell no!!! that has disaster written all over it. you'll be back here in a year saying he wont move out, doesn't help financially, doesn' tlook for a job etc.. just like the tons and tons and tons of posts we see from people trying to do the right thing and getting screwed. if it's not an issue of the money but more of him not being in/near you perhaps-if dh wants to help-he can gift his brother a ONE TIME gift of a deposit for an apartment. i appreciate that your DH probably does want to help his brother-and that's ok-but it needs to be done the right way for him AND YOU. good luck
His actions can/will affect YOUR carreer (hello, they are kicking people, including officers, for less).
DO NOT DO THIS. THIS IS A VERY BAD IDEA.
(sorry for the caps)
There was one time years ago where my parents took in my step father's younger sister after she was kicked out of their parent's house....it was supposed to be only temporary - like a month or 2 - and it turned into over a year. I was young, so I don't remember too much from it, but I do know that my parents had lots of problems with her living there. Lots and lots and lots of problems.
Having your BIL come stay with you until he 'gets on his feet' is a very very bad idea. Especially since he seems like a mess of a person. Do yourself and your H a favor and put your foot down and say no.
The right thing to do here is to protect yourself, your marriage and your life. Helping him puts all these things at risk.
You and your H need to stay out of this toxic mess. Don't let this turn into a codependency; evict him and that's that.
But I don't think it would be right for you to put your hands up and say "we're out, good luck".
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
But I don't think it would be right for you to put your hands up and say "we're out, good luck".
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk