Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Was there a DD?
The girl living with her intrusive MIL?
Re: Was there a DD?
Yeah, she's long gone.
Either she figured she got enough advice and deleted or got mad and took her ball home.
And maybe she didn't like it when I told her I couldn't figure out what a 30 year old guy wants with a 21 year old female --- vast difference in age, both chronologically, emotionally and socially -- but being he's an overgrown 6th grader, there ya go.
She probably went quietly when it was decided they were moving in with the MIL. I advised her not to be bullied, browbeaten or stonewalled.
That sucks because I don't think anyone was being disrespectful or rude - just telling her like it is. Oh well...either one of 2 things will happen. Either things will work out for her, or she'll be back in a few months with the same problem again....
It's also a cultural issue. And that makes it a trillion times worse.
When I was a kid growing up, I never once saw that happen. My grandparents came from Russia and Poland; my father and mother were first generation Americans.
My Polish grandma lived with me, my bro and my parents. And not once did you see my gma henpeck my father. Same goes for my mother's MIL who was from Russia --- never once butted in or said anything sh!tty to my mother.
A lot of the OP's problem is not standing up for herself. How did she manage that tricky U turn that got her into her MIL's home??? How about making a joint decision TOGETHER and saying "NO this is not for us" and tough sh!t to his mother's guilt trip?
I don't think it matters much whether you're capable to figure that out or not. 9 years isn't what I would call a "vast" age difference, under any of the circumstances you mentioned . My H and I are also 9 years apart and we're going on 16 years of life together. Neither of us has been socially or emotionally impaired by our respective ages, not when we were 21 and 30, nor earlier.
I haven't been posting on here super long, but this is good to know (about you)...I come from Italian backround, but my H and his family are Eastern European, so I deal with the cultural issues a lot. For the most part, it's not a big deal, and overall, my H's family are nice people and have our best interests at heart, but they sure do drive me crazy sometimes. We actually were staying with my inlaws for a few months after we had come back from living in EU (until we found work/got things back to normal/etc) and boy was that challenging. The minute we stepped off the plane, they started asking me if I found a job - every single day - sometimes more than once a day. I took a job in a bakery while I was looking for a permanent job in my industry just to get them to stop. (and because I needed money) Luckily it was only for 2 months that we lived with them - I'm pretty sure they were just as happy to see us go as we were to leave. lol Oh yea, and grandma lived in the upstairs of their house too...103 years old and still kicking