Relationships
stacey1508
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Husband too stressed?
This is my first time posting, but I could use some advice. We've been married for 2 months and lived together for 6. My husband has a high-pressure, demanding job, and lately, he's been working really long hours. The stress of it seems to be making him completely closed off. Even when he's done working for the day, he doesn't pay attention to me and doesn't open up at all. It's like he has a wall up or something. I understand that he needs time to decompress or that he might be preoccupied, but I don't feel like I'm asking for a lot. I just want a few minutes every day to really connect, talk about our days, share what we're going through, etc. I've tried to talk to him about this so many times, but he always insists that I'm not being understanding and that he's just stressed out. I don't feel like that's a legitimate excuse because when his work is like this, it lasts for weeks and months at a time. Are we supposed to live like strangers for that long? I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through and what has helped you get through it?
Re: Husband too stressed?
When DH started a new job last year, this happened to us too. He was very stressed and moody by the time he got home. He just wanted to watch tv or play video games, eat dinner, and go to bed. When I tried to talk to him about it, he would say would say the same thing: "insists that I'm not being understanding and that he's just stressed out." After maybe two weeks of not really talking, I sat him down and said "Look, I know you're stressed out about work, but I miss talking to you- I feel like we aren't connecting lately. I want to enjoy coming home and spending time with you, but it's like we don't talk at all and you are always grumpy." We had a nice long conversation and came up with a few ground rules:
1- NO TALKING ABOUT WORK!!! DH said that when he would get home from work and I would just ask "how was work?" he would get in a bad mood because it reminded him about how much he has to do there. He doesn't really enjoy his work that much, so he doesn't like thinking/talking about it when he doesn't have to.
2- We each get "alone time" to unwind after a long day. Some couples might think this is the wrong thing to do- but if we've had a long day, we don't go straight home. If my day sucked, I stop at Target or a thrift store or the library on the way home and buy myself a little something nice. DH will usually stop at his brother's house or his dad's car shop for a bit. That way, we each get to spend time alone and do something we enjoy doing, which puts us in a much better mood by the time we get home. Which puts us at a smaller chance of having a bad attitude and/or being snippy to our spouse.
Sorry this was long- HTH!
Those are some great suggestions!
I'm more so in your husband's position, with my husband being a SAHD. I've got a very stressful job and it's very hard for me to shut it off and out of my mind when I get home. I find that talking to my husband about work doesn't help - it brings work home and gets me thinking about it even more again. I'll talk to him about it when I have a problem or would like his thoughts on something, or if I just need to vent and rage about something and need him to listen and help me work through a problem.
I think one thing that really helps is to have some down time once I get home. With kids that's very hard, but still necessary for me to be present in my home life. I might go up to the bedroom and change (something that helps immensely is to change out of my work clothes), get a chore started (like getting a load of laundry ready or tidying a bathroom), cooking dinner with the radio on and talking about other stuff like what's in the news, going on with family, etc. A huge thing for me is getting me to put my phone down or away. Not in a ridiculous "no phones" rule, but just to leave it on the table and go to another room and try to just leave it alone, small things like that.
Best of luck.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk