Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
son wants husband to adopt him
My youngest son who is 12 wants my husband to adopt him. He has 2 older siblings that are 18 and older. Their biological dad has nothing to do with any of them. He doesn't call, visit or have any contact at all. He pays minimal child support. My husband is the only dad my youngest has ever known. We have been together for a very long time but have only been married just over a year. My husband has kids from previous marriages but they are both well into their adult lives. My youngest tells me he wants to be a "our last name", his dad didn't want him, doesn't love him, doesn't care about him but new husband does. I am not really sure how my husband feels about this. He did ask me what I thought about it the last time it was brought up. The only reservation I have is how this will effect my other children. I didn't however voice that. Does anyone out there have any experience with a similar situation?
Re: son wants husband to adopt him
That his bio dad has refused contact with him is a shame.
However one never knows about the future, either immediate or very far.. I'm not trying to give false hope but indeed you never know about the future --- but this is the here and now.
Discuss the topic of adoption with your H -- tell him that your son would like it very much if your H adopted him.
The only affect this should have on your kids is that there will be a kid in their immediate family who now shares the same last name as they do.:)
I think you also have to tell the kid's bio father --- your attorney would know this for sure.
If your H says yes, go for it. If he says no, you and he together will have to discuss this with your son in a kid-friendly way.
Wishing you luck with this. Take care.
You might try posting on the "blended families" board on thenest. Much more experience on that board with this type of thing!
For your H to adopt your son, your ex would have to relinquish his parental rights. It's not as easy as you think. Even fathers with NO involvement often don't want to give this up. If your ex was in arrears with child support, you might have a bargaining chip.
In the meantime, talk with your son about what family means. Just because he is not adopted by your H doesn't mean that they are any less family. Changing his name on a piece of paper will not change your H's feelings towards him or the love and bond that they share.
This post is full of good advice. Come on over to the nest and the ladies over there can help :-)
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Yep! I have been there for years and the lovely ladies always have great advice backed by experience.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
This.. However be aware that if he does adopt him, even the minimal child support from your Ex will probably stop, so if you depend on that money at all...figure out how to make it work without it, and quite possibly will need a signature from the Biological father to make it legal, which I know for some adoptive parents has become an issue with brithfathers unwilling to sign, or who keep in contact once they are given notice (usually 6 months from the time you file for adoption) just enough so that thier signature is required. Not always to do with a hostile or uninvolved ex.
But if it will help your child to feel a sence of belonging then do whatever you can to support that, if it is having your H adopt him, or having conversations with him about how families look different. Also if you changed your last name, can you not change your child's last name to match yours? Not sure what the rules are about this, but it seems that if adoption is not the right choice, you may be able to change the name since it would match yours as the mother, if thats what your son is really wanting.
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