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Lakinn · August 2012

Yasiris1105 · September 2012

but the OP is only asking for advice to try and save her relationship. That's a priority just like her child. When a woman has a child has to be a mother and a wife. She CANNOT stop being a wife.

mkarns · September 2012

TarponMonoxide:

It's over. That's my take on it.

Wow...together since 15 an dyou just had a kiddo and you're living where with who???

Man.:( (Dylan's mother is probably mad as all hell you got pregnant out of wedlock...but that's only my take on it...:( )

He's probably about your age -- which is now 19. Very very few 19 year old boys are ready for a lifelong commitment or a long term one. They're the most fickle species in the universe.

the fact that a year went by and he still has not married you is quite telling.

This is over.

I think you should call it quits with this guy and see what you can do about putting the child up for adoption. You can't afford to be self sufficient and take care of a baby both at once. How sad for everybody involved, the child in particular.

A child needs a secure and strong future. 2 parents who'd love to adopt him or her would be thrilled to start a family with that child.

Move back in with your parents; call a moratorium on dating for a long long time. A few years wold not be a bad idea.

And get yourself some sex ed and some birth control. Remember: AIDS, HIV and other STDs are still prevalent --- never have sex without using birth control and never have sex minus a condom.

I came out of lurking just to say...WOW. Worst advice ever.

Tarpon,

bluejill15 · September 2012

artbyallie:
justAphase:
artbyallie:
Team Tarpon. She never suggested there would be no emotional damage from such a course of action. On the contrary, her words were "how sad for everyone involved."
My DD at 10 months wouldn't even let anyone besides me or SO (that's right, not married, but awesome parents) hold her. She would be severely emotionally scarred had she one day never seen us again. And so would me,SO, and our families.
Okay, aside from the fact that you misread (which you admitted), the bold bothers me. It's kind of weird that you would shelter your child so much that they couldn't handle being held by someone else.

Seriously, have you ever been around children? A 10 month old has bonded with his or her parents and stranger anxiety has set in big time at this age. This is not "kind of weird" at all; it shows normal emotional attachment, exactly what a normal healthy baby should be showcasing.

RamaOtster · September 2012

Lakinn, I don't know if you are even still reading the responses here but if you are, talk to him. Explain it. If you aren't comfortable talking to him (which some might flame because you are in a relationship) write him a letter. I've done it because I get too emotional and everything ends up yelling sobs instead of words.

I hope everything gets better, you made it this far, try to remember what made you choose this guy in the first place and try to enjoy your LO and do what is best for them.

justAphase · September 2012

bluejill15:
artbyallie:
justAphase:
artbyallie:
Team Tarpon. She never suggested there would be no emotional damage from such a course of action. On the contrary, her words were "how sad for everyone involved."
My DD at 10 months wouldn't even let anyone besides me or SO (that's right, not married, but awesome parents) hold her. She would be severely emotionally scarred had she one day never seen us again. And so would me,SO, and our families.
Okay, aside from the fact that you misread (which you admitted), the bold bothers me. It's kind of weird that you would shelter your child so much that they couldn't handle being held by someone else.
Seriously, have you ever been around children? A 10 month old has bonded with his or her parents and stranger anxiety has set in big time at this age. This is not "kind of weird" at all; it shows normal emotional attachment, exactly what a normal healthy baby should be showcasing.

Artby has obviously never had children. She's in for some rude awakenings if/when she does.

ETA: DD in my siggy clearly looks sheltered...LOL

riderpunk · September 2012

Sounds like there is quite a bit going on here. Have you tried to schedule date nights, maybe find a sitter for your daughter and get out just the two of you? Or even, but her to bed earlier and setup a nice dinner in the living room and have a nice date night watching some netflix movies.

If he is not willing to discuss, I would suggest some sort of counseling before this gets any worse. With your child so young yet, they won't realize any issues, but not too shortly she will. Both parties have to be willing to work on the relationship, and this is separate from your daughter completely.

Work on your relationship, so your daughter can surrounded by whole parents. If you two know it won't work after you have tried everything, then and only then I would consider separating, and finding house elsewhere. Sometimes its just better that way and bother of you can live a happier life. But this is no something that is just going to go away, you need to do something right now.

artbyallie · September 2012

I've been around plenty of children and I've never seen a 10-month-old afraid of other family or family friends, even ones they don't see frequently who might as well be strangers. Because their parents are relaxed and happy to be around these people and thus the child picks up on that and doesn't mind being held by them. For instance, H and I both held our niece when we last saw her and she wasn't scared of us, though she likely hasn't seen us enough yet to remember. She was 9 months then and is about to be a year old now.

justAphase · September 2012

artbyallie:
I've been around plenty of children and I've never seen a 10-month-old afraid of other family or family friends, even ones they don't see frequently who might as well be strangers. Because their parents are relaxed and happy to be around these people and thus the child picks up on that and doesn't mind being held by them. For instance, H and I both held our niece when we last saw her and she wasn't scared of us, though she likely hasn't seen us enough yet to remember. She was 9 months then and is about to be a year old now.

I see you are trying to insult me, but it's difficult to do so by saying things that are completely false. So first, my child is sheltered, but now it's because I am not comfortable or relaxed around other people myself.

Pssssst.... All babies are different. Comparing every baby to your niece is ridiculous. And there is also something called separation anxiety that many, if not all, babies go through. My daughter is just fine being held by others now.

So whatever problem you're going to assign to my family next, save it. My daughter is happy, healthy, and well adjusted.

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