MIL cleans condo

al1bye · August 2012

My husband and I were on a 4-day mini vacation and asked his parents to cat-sit. When we got home I discovered that his mom cleaned our kitchen and vacuumed. This really annoyed me. I can see cleaning your sons house if he was living by himself or was younger, but my husband and I have been married 2 years, living together for 5, and he is 3-years shy of being 30. I feel this is very intrusive, an invasion of privacy, and disrespectful as if she's saying my cleaning skills are not good enough for her son.

Does anyone else agree with this or am I a crazy chick?

MiniMugLinton · August 2012

Maybe she just wanted you two to have a nice clean condo to come home to so you'd feel more relaxed. I doubt she did it to send the message that you don't do a good enough job. Unless, of course, if she is the type that says and does things to let you know she doesn't think you're good enough, then yea, rude.

Tink213 · August 2012

I agree with you, it would drive me insane if my MIL did that, but I know she doesn't clean her own home, so she'd never clean mine. But then my mother who barely cleans her own place would probably clean my place if she was cat sitting because she was trying to be helpful, but I'd like to think she wouldn't do it anyway.

I have a very strained relationship with both my MILs (FIL remarried) so as much as I agree with you and would be livid, my husband has taught me to not jump to the bad side, and try to see if she had any positive motives, although I really can't see anything positive in some one else, whom I didn't hire or ask, cleaning my house.

So after my crappy attempt to play devil's Devil advocate, you are not insane, I totally agree with you that it's disrespectful, especially since you've lived together so long!

Jennifer&Nate · August 2012

Unless she has a habit of making snide remarks or something along those lines, I'd just think she was trying to be nice. It's not like she reorganized your drawers or something that intrusive.

Santorini2011 · August 2012

I would feel uncomfortable but, if it was coming from a good place, simply say thank you and leave it alone. She might have genuinely wanted to do something nice for both of you. Personally, I love coming home from vacation to a clean house.

pavingtheroad · August 2012

I would be a little offended that she feels I dont keep my home clean enough. However, on a side note, as long as she only cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed (i.e. wasnt cleaning closets, bathrooms, your bedroom, etc) I'd maybe just mention you noticed she cleaned and it really wasnt necessary. Maybe the cat had an accident? or knocked something over? and she just wanted to clean it up

athlete010688 · September 2012

I guess I'm on the opposite side. I would totally not be offended. In fact, I would love if my mom or MIL cleaned our house while we were gone! As long as they didn't go through drawers and such. But vacuuming and dusting shelves, etc, I wouldn't mind.

blueeyedblossom · September 2012

MiniMugLinton:
Maybe she just wanted you two to have a nice clean condo to come home to so you'd feel more relaxed. I doubt she did it to send the message that you don't do a good enough job. Unless, of course, if she is the type that says and does things to let you know she doesn't think you're good enough, then yea, rude.

All of this.

susanmiller696 · September 2012

I think her intention behind cleaning not the same which you are thinking. May be she is habitual of cleaning all the time, I think you are taking it in a negative sense.

PurrBox · September 2012

Jennifer&Nate:
Unless she has a habit of making snide remarks or something along those lines, I'd just think she was trying to be nice. It's not like she reorganized your drawers or something that intrusive.

I agree with this. Don't take it as anything but helpful, unless she makes snide remarks. Otherwise, you should thank her because she was almost certainly doing it to be nice.

Cortney1982 · September 2012

I would only take it as she wanting to do something nice. I would only find it necessary to feel she invaded your privacy if she went into your bedroom.

laurenelli · September 2012

Depends on your relationship with her. If she has always been respectful of you and your relationship with her son, as everyone else stated it was probably with good intentions.

If not, and she has made comments about the way your house is kept or has otherwise made you feel like a less-than-satisfactory wife I would definitely be more prickly about it.

My MIL went up to the apt hubs and I shared in college (way before we were married, we were out of town so she took his key) and without asking me packed up our whole apartment in preparation for us to move. She positioned it like she was doing us a huge favor, but she went through every. single. thing. I. owned. Bar nothing- not even my lingerie drawer. So having a SO's mother go through things without asking is a bit of a hot button for me and I definitely understand your feeling that having your drawers rifled through is an invasion of privacy!

wealldeservepretty · September 2012

I don't really think it's a big deal. Someone like my mom is not intrusive, but she likes to clean, and this is something she might do. My husband's aunt was at our apartment once feeding the cats and she washed the dishes...I really appreciated it when I got home. Some people just do stuff like that, it's a very "mom" thing to do, just say thank you and move on.

whitneymarie504 · September 2012

I wouldn't be offended if my Mom or MIL did this while we where gone. As other posters have said, as long as it was "common areas" of the home, not going through your drawers or bedroom, and just basic cleaning/tidying of the home then I would not be offended. I would take it as she wanted to do something nice and be appreciative that you came home to a clean home! That's just me though and I am a very open person.

MrsErinH · September 2012

athlete010688:
I guess I'm on the opposite side. I would totally not be offended. In fact, I would love if my mom or MIL cleaned our house while we were gone! As long as they didn't go through drawers and such. But vacuuming and dusting shelves, etc, I wouldn't mind.

This 100 percent! I used to feel like you do about my MIL cleaning my house when she visited but after being married for 5 years to her son, I realize that it's just her way of trying to do something nice for us. And I don't mind not doing it myself either!!

JaD1013 · October 2012

I don't think you're a crazy chick, but we really don't have enough info as the others pointed out. I will say this though, I wouldn't view it as an invasion of privacy when she was invited into those areas of your home to cat-sit anyway - even if she was doing it with bad intentions.

I can tell you right now, I was raised and taught to clean those kind of areas any time I was invited to babysit/animalsit/housesit as it was a "nice thing to do."

But if they went anywhere beyond those areas - THAT would totally creep me out.

My mom did this while my husband and I were on our honeymoon. Of course she also wrote "welcome home newlyweds" on all the mirrors and filled the bathroom with balloons - it was hilarious

KateLouise · October 2012

I would do that for someone else's house, and not as a criticism, just that it's nice to come back to "fresh" house.

Was she staying at your house fulltime for 4 days? It's pretty easy to make a bit of a mess of someone's house over 4 days, so vacumming/sweeping/mopping/wiping down benches was probably as much cleaning up after herself.

jsd12 · October 2012

Maybe she used your kitchen, and clean up after herself and got a little carried away. Same with the floor, maybe she knocked a plant over......Here's the point say "thank you" and get over it. People don't have to clean for you, but most that stay at someones house do clean up after themselves and do a little bit more, say vacuum or sweep. I guess I'm too busy to be annoyed that my house was cleaned, giving me time to do other things.

MIL cleans condo

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