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Husband + New Career/School = New friend (girl)
I have been married almost a year but been together a decade. We have dealt with trust issues before but things have been fine and trusting for a while. But in the back of my mind my guard is always up. And to me, in today's world it should be.
So my husband wants to go in to a form of nursing. I'm all for that considering his past career has only been cooking.
So now he's in school and has 3 main people he hangs out with. 1 guy and 1 SINGLE girl.
I went up to school one day to bring him his books and folders he forgot. They were on a break and outside. I know the 1 guy from mutual friends. He did not come up to say hi..... She did. Extended her hand introducing herself. Saying how he talks so much about me...etc. I was so thrown off guard and of course one of the days I wasnt wearing any make-up and looking my best.
After this, it dawned on me that they were better friends than the initial "ya, we all 3 sit together in class". Now, he even mentions her a bit more in conversation talking about what happened in school that day.
I am not too worried, but the more he talks about his new friend the more my mind starts messing with me. I tend to be a bit on the jealous side but not crazy jealous and I don't care if he has a friend.
I guess what I am asking is when your husband makes friends at work or school with other females... how do I keep my composure and stay committed to trusting him and keep my sanity????Any advice would help!!!
... I see myself stressing more and more about this lately.
Re: Husband + New Career/School = New friend (girl)
If he starts to spend too much time alone with this female classmate or you find out there are inappropriate texts and other goings on not contingent with it being only a school mate/ school friend, rethink this guy immediately.
GL. So far, it sounds harmless.
It also sounds harmless to me. I would only start getting worried if he made an effort to only do homework with her- It would probably be fine if she came over to our house (while i was there) but not if he went over there to her house. The best way to calm your nerves is to befriend her. You can get to know her and see if she is a trustworthy person or not for yourself.
Don't stress about it- or talk to your H about how much it is bothering you.
IT's when he's NOT talking about her that I'd probably get worried....
He's going into nursing. He's going to be around a lot of women. This is just a fellow student. Eventually it will be coworkers- mostly women.
You need to find a better way to deal w/ your trust issues. If you keep going down this path, I could see your jealousy doing a lot of damage.
That being said, doesn't mean there aren't signs for when you SHOULD be worried. But from what you've explained here - i'm not seeing any reason to be concerned.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I can tell you as a current nursing student, your husband is going to have a hard time finding friends in class who aren't girls, and many of them are going to be single. As a nursing student it is VERY important to find good people to study with, you are encouraged by professors from the second you walk into a nursing program to join groups to study. He's talked about her with you, she introduced herself to you, this really just doesn't sound suspicious at all.
Nothing to worry about IMO. She came up to you and was super friendly, he talks about her regularly - that's all good. What's not good is that the trust issues have always been in the back of your mind. Let it go, all of it. Like PP's have said, he's going to be around a lot more chicks going into nursing so it's time for you to get used to it.
I'm going through something similar now with my H, who's in a phlebotomy class and has a female study partner. He hasn't talked about her much, but he did mention that he was planning a Skype study date with her a few nights ago. Since I was at work, the alarms in my head started going off. Not only did I have to talk myself down from it, I also sat on the phone with him giving Skype troubleshooting so they could video chat. I did make sure to go straight home from work and rock his world rather than stay an additional 8hrs for OT lol. I figured it he's spent his evening video chatting with another girl, it's my responsibility to get home and remind him why he married ME! Whether or not it does anything for him, it gives me piece (peace?) of mind. I did meet her a few days later, also when I was not looking my best (on my way to work once again). She was really nice, says he talks about me all the time and he showed her our wedding pics, she's so jealous, blah blah blah... And she casually mentioned her bf... Sigh, we just have to suck it up and TRUST not just in our men, but in ourselves and our ability to keep their attention.
So what are the trust issues?
I had several good guy friends in grad school and studied alone with them at our houses sometimes. It would have pissed me off if h had been suspicious because he would hve had no reason to be suspicious. Another friend use to regularly study with a guy friend alone at his house and was sleeping with him behind her dh's back. And then did it with several other people. Surprise, she had a history of cheating. He found out about maybe one of the guys but they're still married. If he's worthy of trust, you should trust him. If he has a history of inappropriate boundaries and cheating then I wouldn't trust him but I also wouldn't be with him.
Thank you all so much! I'm working on easing my mind. I feel so much better after reading all of these and some of your similar situations.
I just need to learn to calm down before jumping to conclusion.
I think the obvious answer to this is 'No'.
And i think it's safe to assume the trust issues involved some indiscretion involving said H and a 'girl-friend'.