May 2012 Weddings
Saragem1982
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Anyone NOT
wanting kids? I am the youngest of three, two half siblings and we have a different dad. My dad and I don't have a relationship, and I'm not sure if this is why, but I don't want children. H and I have had the discussion several times about not wanting kids, everyone says "you'll change your mind" or "it's different when you have your own" Well....what if it's not? I don't have a maternal bone in my body and have received a lot of criticism for not wanting kids. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this or has felt the same way
Re: Anyone NOT
When I was younger (early 20s) I was definitely in the no kids camp. I actually was pretty unsure until I dated someone with 4 kids (for 3 years). But I've always been the maternal type and it just came out more. H and I are hoping to have kid(s) but we'd be good either way. I always joke I'm just the team mom at the office (usually for people who have kids my age).
I have a number of friends who don't want kids. I've heard their reasons and I don't think they will ever change their minds. Not sure if they've gotten harassed about it but I think my social circles respect that decision.
You are not alone :-)
Me! I like kids from about the ages of 3 to 9. About 6 years of fun isn't worth it to me. I was a little baby crazy in my early 20's, but I think it was just hormones. I'm almost 32, and I like being able to drop everything to go on vacation, not constantly cleaning sticky hand prints off of everything, not having a mom car, getting to spoil my dog rotten, and being able to sit and read for 3 hours at a time with no interruptions. Maybe I'm just selfish, but I just don't feel like it's for me.
But, that being said- If we would happen to conceive, it wouldn't be the end of the world.
I'm still on the fence about it but I completely understand where you are coming from with the comments some people make when you mention you don't want children. Some people just look at you like you are the worst person in the world when the thought of not having children is mentioned.
My in-laws are a lot different then my family... In their family, you grow up to have children, end of story. Almost every woman in H's family has at least two children and none of them work, regardless if their family can afford for them not too. In my family, you go to college, get a good job and become financially stable before deciding if children are right for you. My MIL is so depressed that I'm not pregnant and gets upset when I mention that maybe I don't want children. Personally, it's none of her busines and it makes me angry when I'm constantly badgered with questions about having children and then when I do answer them (most of the time I just ignore the comments/questions) no one likes my answers and they get pissy.
Children aren't for everyone and you shouldn't be made to feel bad because you don't want to have any. We don't judge people who have 4,5 or 6 children so don't judge me for not wanting any!
This has been my general experience. I'd say up to age 26 it was an absolute no. Now I'm 27 and it's a "....maybe." Exactly for the reasons you posted. You can't decide afterwords that being a mom isn't for you, you are stuck for the rest of your life with that kid. I know it is a taboo subject but I know there are parents out there who regret having kids, even if it isn't something anyone can actually admit or talk about. I love the whole "you are selfish if you don't have kids argument!" B#tch, please...don't make me feel bad because you want everyone else to be as miserable as you, and/or YOU are selfish for trying to guilt me into kids I don't want because YOU want to be an aunt/grandma, etc!
Not to mention I get needlessly irritated with the superiority that projects from many new parents these days...like they've made getting knocked up akin to curing cancer and/or their baby is the new Christ child.
I'm also on the fence. I want to experience pregnancy and see if I can carry to full term. I want to experience childbirth, and I LOVE babies and well-behaved toddlers. But I can't stand kids (ages 5+), and babies turn into kids. I know I definitely want a few foster children.The world is already over populated and probably doomed. I'd feel selfish bringing more kids into it when there are so many that are already here and have nobody.
H 100% wants kids of his own. I told him if we're able to conceive naturally, then of course we'll have kids. I'm kind of banking on the fact that it likely won't happen naturally. At this point my uterus and ovaries are in such a bad state, my docs think that even if I end up conceiving somehow, I won't be able to carry it long enough to survive. The older I get, the less I want kids, so I'd be shocked if my mind changes. People give my the crazy look when I say I don't like children. I find their reactions more amusing than anything. But they're very receptive to me saying I don't want children. A few people have even suggested that I do not have kids. Ultimately, I don't care what anyone thinks anyway.
I don't think there's anything wrong with not having kids. In fact I wish more people thought harder about the implications. I work with kids every day whose parents probably shouldn't have had them because they're terrible people. The stories of some of these kids would make you cry and wonder what's wrong with this world. Now the state and my work need to help them (and we do, which is one of the best parts of my job, to see these kids turn around). I'm not saying anyone on this board would be that type of parent, but I just wish people didn't have kids because that's what you're supposed to do.
That said H & I want kids, but it's something we take seriously. As much as I might catch "baby fever," I know we're not ready. Not only financially, but I want to feel like I'm not giving anything up when we have kids. Although we're pretty boring homebodies now, so I think we have that covered! We've talked about what we'd do if we couldn't have kids naturally, and I think we would adopt.
we definitely want children, i've always wanted to have kids, ever since i was a kid. i just feel like i'm meant to be a mom some day.
that being said, i think having children is a HUGE decision that can only be made between the two partners. not his parents or her parents or every other idiot on the street saying, "well, that's what you do when you get married.... you make babies..."
i don't think there's anything selfish in the decision to not have kids. i think it would be selfish to have kids and then try to continue living your life like you never had them. THAT would be selfish.
one of my best couple friends from back home never had kids (they're my parents age, so way past that point now) and they just recently got a dog together. they have a fantastic relationship and i love the life they've created together.
i don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to focus on yourself and your husband and your life together. maybe someday you'll change your mind, or maybe someday you won't. hopefully the pressure eases up some for you either way though.
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I definitely went through a period where I was unsure if I wanted kids. I really valued my independence and freedom. I obviously changed my mind somewhere along the way (I'm pregnant now), but I think people trying to talk you out of not wanting kids is crazy. I have plenty of friends who are childless by choice and they live very fulfilling lives.
I will say this though, if you kind of want kids but are worried about not feeling maternal, I wouldn't. One of my best friends feels the same way, and continued to feel that way after her son was born. While she admitted she didn't get those warm, fuzzy feelings all the time that other women described, she is a great mom and loves her son so much.
One last thing, I feel like people will ALWAYS have an opinion on how you live your life. It drives me crazy. We're pretty sure we only want one kid, and you wouldn't believe how many people have openly told me how selfish it is to make my kid an only child. I've FINALLY learned to just nod and smile when people give my unsolicited advice on my life and move on.
Not only am I not able to have children, but I honestly don't know that I would have wanted children if I could. Or perhaps it's simply that I have always known that I could not have kids that I just went with it because it was easier to just say I don't want kids.
I love kids, my 3 year old niece and 1 year old nephew are literally my best friends, next to my H and sister. I would and will do anything for those two little miracle makers, but on the other hand, I'm glad that it is my sister and BIL that have to make all the tough decisions when it comes to their lives and futures.
When we tell people we cannot have children (which I don't go around with a "Hi, I'm Emily, I can't have kids" badge on my clothes, but it does come up in coversation) they look at the two of us like we're aliens when we say we probably won't adopt either. I don't know, I just feel like if I were meant to have kids, I would. I am involved in lots of children organizations and that is what I feel my part is in the this world to help them in their future and I truly love working with kids. Love love love it!
I wouldn't get hung up on what people around your are projected on to you. There are a lot of fake and unhappy people in the world, that when they see someone happy and living their life the way they want and they are not. Sad, but so true. Live your life for you and your H and screw the rest of them. You will know what is best for the two of you, which was kind of the point of saying "I do" anyway!
I agree with this 100%!! While some people want kids other people don't or don't know yet. People put way to much emphasis on having kids. While I want kids and I always have I would never bring a child into the world knowing well I cannot afford to care of it. It is a huge decision, a life-altering, no-turning-back decision.