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Does anyone else feel super sad?
Ok this is probably really immature. But I feel really really sad the wedding is over and this is why:
I don't remember it, like at ALL. I mean I remember walking into church with my dad, and standing at the altar and walking down the aisle but that's it. And i remember walking into the reception and then all the other stuff I remember is the bad stuf.f Like I remember when the bakery forgot the cake toppers and i was running around like a nut trying to call them. And i remember when we were supposed to be waiting to walk into the reception and the guys had a few too many beers and were being so loud- and I was trying to hear everything and experience it and i literally was liek "QUIET DOWN" and they looked at me like i was insane.
And then I remember hearing that my uncle choked on a piece of steak and thats my friends boyfriend was timing the waiter to see how fast he could get him drinks. And all these annoying things that made me upset on the day that i wish went differently
and I keep trying to remember the good stuff and teh funs tuff like dancing. But All i can think of is how I am kind of upset at my friends husband for being rude to my mom, or that some of the dinners were cold. Etc.
And I keep trying and trying to remember the wedding and the best way to do that i tought was piecing together everyones stories but now people are sick of talking about a wedding that was 3 weeks ago. And then my great aunt called me ands aid i forgot to toss my bouquet (I chose not to)and I feel like all i am concentrating on is the BAD things and it makes me feel super bad.
I just keep thinking that when i see the photos i will remember the happy fun moments...
but i dont think ill see them for another 2 months at least.
Re: Does anyone else feel super sad?
a. I thought the whole thing FLEW by. Like it was the fastest 5 hours or whatever of my life.
b. After the ceremony, all I did was focus on the negative. Someone brought a date that was not RSVPed for, my friend was being all loud and obnoxious, I overheard my cousin arguing with a waiter, we thought we were short one seat at the head table and while trying to address it I nearly missed the speeches, I mean I could go on and on. The first couple of hours of the reception I was so focused on assessing if things were going as planned and if people looked/sounded happy that I think I blocked out everything else.
c. I probed people for details about how their experience was and like you tried to piece together the parts that I missed, and then felt like people were sicked of talking about it. Plus I learned that for what I thought was a whole group picture, I found out my MOH wasn't in it. My mom didn't remember being in it. So and so probably wasnt in it....
d. Each week after, I'd realize something that went wrong. i.e. "Where was my mom the whole night? I never saw her. I bet there are no pictures with us in them." "My bridesmaids didn't hear when I played the cake cutting song." I never spoke with H's coworkers. I never walked around and looked at everything. I should've looked at all the bar set ups. The centerpieces. The way people arranged themselves at tables. The ceremony site...
Man oh man, I could go on.
ahhh! Ok I am glad I am not the only one. I am trying to focus on the good parts and the other day i told my dad i was mad at my mom because she interupted me and said" no" and corrected me when i was talking to someone...and my dad was liek "are u still mad about it, let it go!"
I was like "well my mom liek corrected me on my wedding day in front of guests" It was so stupid my uncle asked about teh after party and i said "if you are hungry there is a food truck outside and after that we are going to the bar across teh street upstairs" and my mom didn't know we had planned the surptise food truck so she goes "no what are u talking about ! and put her hand up and then was like "its downstairs in the piano bar" (which it wasnt") and i know thats stupid but i felt so embarassed at that moment that I keep replaying it in my head over and over.
Well my head table seating WAs messed up and people tended to blamle me for it, and another couple was at the wrong table and they wouldn't move (I didn't want to ask them) and so my friend had to move tables and sit alone with people she didn't know that well...and i know i should "let it go" that fiances friends sat at the wrong table...but why didnt they move!! especially because my friend that moved is kind of snotty so she told everyone that there was NO seat for her etcetc...which is untrue.
I am trying and trying to focus on the positives of the day and piece the fun parts together but it seems like hte people that are supportive and want to share the good parts are actually people that have other things going on in their lives (wedding babies etc) so they aren't into chatting about it over and over LOL
and i cant make them. but there was one moment when fiance and i went out on the deck and there just happened to be fireworks across the bay and we stood there and watched them and just relaxed fo a minute, and that was probably one of the best moments of the night and i just keep hoping the photographer grabbed a photo
it really does go by in a flash and you can't remember anything!!
I went through some post wedding blues as well and all the things I keep running through my head are some of the things that went wrong.
My 4 year old walked down the aisle with a sign that said "Here comes my Mommy" well for some reason no one made sure his tux coat was buttoned so his coat was around his elbows while he was walking down the aisle and when he stood up in front of the guys... that drove me nuts!!
My fathers both gave me away which was amazing but they both stood up at the altar way too long (almost half the ceremony) and my father in law who performed our ceremony forgot to seat people.
Our sand ceremony got ruined becuase someone dumped sand out of it!! Then they set it on its side and all the sand just blurred together and now there are no lines in it... I cried about this for days... silly I know but it meant so much to me.
I know we missed some shots of people that we should have gotten pics of in the family pics. We also had a lot of people complaining about how long it took us to go do our pro pics with our wedding party. These people were in a huge park they could have gone anywhere to hang out until we got back but instead they all stayed there and complained... ugh
The things that still make me smile are the horse and carriege ride, the group of cheerleaders that sat through our wedding and watched the whole thing and were very respectful.. they also cheered at the the end which was cool becuase I was a cheerleading captain when I was younger, dancing with my hubs and my kids, and all the small things that came together. I think it is normal for everyone to think about the good and the bad but in the end we are all married and happy so that should be all that matters!
Just remember what some of the other girls said on the other boards.... you're wedding will not be as important to anyone else as it is to you and your DH. If your guests don't want to talk about it, let it go! Maybe you should be asking them about what is going on in their lives now that the wedding is over...
What matters is the marriage, not the wedding. I can understand being upset about some things, but don't dwell on it! You can't change anything that happened, but you can change the way you think about it...
If you can't come up with enough happy memories about the day, find something to take your mind off of it.. go for a walk, clean the house, start a new hobby.
The most important thing is you are married to you DH, and you get to spend forever together making new, happy memories.
I don't mean to sound rude, because I do understand being upset... it's all meant to be good advice to try and help you move into the future instead of dwelling on things that have passed.
This is true about the tan lines and cuts and stuff. I got huge bug bites on me at the wedding and almost had a meltdown but now i am liek phew i wouldn't care.
I just wish i Could remember more good things about what went on and what happened during the nigt. It's fun to relive the story.
The only bad part about going on the honeymoon after the wedding is that we didn't get a chance to catch up with friends and family and get the fun phone calls (like my mom did) and then by the time we came back the wedding was old news.
Don't get me wrong, as PP said, the wedding is over and not nearly as important to anyone else- and I haven't been calling people to nag and tlak about it or not asking them what is going on with their own lives. I just mean, the wedding was my project for 2 1/2 years and literally my baby that i labored over. And now that its over I don't have another project yet (like redecorating a house, or ttcing etc) so I feel a bit lost....and I am trying to fill all the voids i have of the wedidng day (I'm pretty sure I don't remember 1 things between 7 and 930 pm)... but its nearly impossible to remember anything- it all flew by so fast. And now it seems stupid that i spent 5 hours embossing napkins- since I didn't even see them on teh day of (I'm sure I did, bnut i don't remember) and that is kind of upsetting.
I mean I am so happy to be married and get to actually "start" life (I felt like while planning the wedding other life things, like buying a home, or planning to visit our friends in italy, or getting another puppy, were on hold) and that's def. the fun part.
I do remember the bad things:
a) my sister/MOH took a glass of champagne from my little SIL (who was underage that day but now legal), and that caused drama all night because my sister "pulled rank" on my FIL which didn't go over well, then later my sister accused SIL of trying to cause a fight between my sister and her husband. ETA: this bothered me because I drank champagne underage at sister's wedding and nobody stopped me (I was much younger than SIL)
b) my MIL missed DH and I's first dance, as well as my father/daughter dance because she was outside drinking in the parking lot. If she hadn't come in when she did, DH was going to cancel their mother/son dance.
c) our projector for our slideshow quit working about 1/4 of the way through the slideshow.
d) someone took the "family only" signs off the 4 tables in front of the head table, so my parents ended up sitting where they couldn't see anything
e) This is the biggest bad thing.. We didn't take any pictures with DH's grandparents (I don't have any remaining), and that was a huge thing we wanted to do...
But there were lots of good:
a) SURPRISE father/daughter dance went off without a hitch!!
We broke off into a silly dance halfway through our slow song, it was a hit with guests!
b) My brother officiated our wedding and made it so special
c) My brother/officiant and I got to swing dance (2nd time in my life) and it was filmed
d) DH didn't smear cake in my face LOL
e) It seemed like everyone had fun
and I could go on and on
I'm trying not to be sad, and only look at the good things, but in the end I think I'll be able to look back on things and laugh
I agree with that Sara I do tink that some of the things you can look back on and laugh about! I'm sure in a year or two we will laugh about the wedding coordinator on her stomach crawling army crawl under all the guest book tables nad gift tables searching for the cake cutters etc.
One of the things "bad things" that made me upset is the way that one of the groomsmen acted. He is a close friend of FI and actually my best friends husband, and he did some pretty disrespectful stuff (talking about my mom behind her back, throwing money at a waiter and telling him he had 2 minutes to get him a drink or he'd stop tipping him <---uh we hired the waiters to serve everyone not just you) he did some really rude things that I thought were because he was being selifsh and not necessarily considering the feelings of my husband and I.
And this really seeps into our everyday lives. They are friends that we see alll the time. And I am actually consdiering going to see someone to talk about it, because I am that upset over it- that I can't move on from it. And I know to keep them in our lives as friends( I have known them both since I was 12) I have to be able to move on from how he hurt my feelings in regards to my wedding.... and this is part of what is upsetting me.. that something from the wedding is now effecting my everyday life. I don't think I am going to every say anything to my friend and her husbamnd. So I am trying to "get over it"
hence trying to recall all the Great moments from the day.
Wow, its good to hear that I am not the only one who is feeling like this! I was also so focused on the things that went wrong! I felt like I didn't remember anything and I still feel that way. Our photographer put our pics up online and we bought the rights so I will be getting a CD. My MIL the first thing she said is why are there not that many pictures? What did you pay per picture or something....... I was so upset. We got about 700 online to view, I know we will be getting more on the CD that were not online but how rude! I am glad that I am not the only one who felt like this.
I am totally in the same boat. It's taken a while to get over how my mother acted the day of the wedding and especially the day after the wedding. Getting the pictures back slowly has helped. I haven't gotten very many of the pictures back yet, so hopefully getting the rest will help me remember all the good things of the day.
My mom was so insistent all morning we were going to be late and she was giving me so much anxiety at my hair appointment. I am a very organized person and had everything timed and planned out so nothing was going to be late. I had told her several times we were going to be fine and she kept saying we were going to be late so all of my bridesmaids starting freaking out and it really got me upset. Then I had to sit there and explain to them all that I had it all planned out and we had plenty of time! It was something that should never have happened and my mom should have just trusted me!
Then when we got to the reception site to get ready she was insistent on giving me a present and I was in the middle of eating a sandwich - I had barely eaten anything in days and I wanted to finish eating the sandwich. I told her can I finish eating and then I would come in the other room and have "a moment" with her and she walked off crying. It was ridiculous. She said she felt like she was ruining my wedding and I was angry with her. She was super melodramatic and it was making me super upset she was acting like a child I felt. She could have just waited five minutes for me to finish eating.
Everything was fine the rest of the day, I thought until the next day when we were opening gifts at our house and I asked my mother in law to wrap up my cake topper for me and my mom freaked out and started crying again and said she thought it would be something I would ask my mom to do. (My mom lives an hour and a half away and my mother in law lives in the same town as us and she also has a deep freezer which my mom does not - I thought I was being practical - I explained this to my mom - I wasn't doing it to hurt her feelings) Then we had all the leftover flower arrangements of which covered my entire deck and also had 11 centerpieces in my garage. I asked my mother in law if she wanted to take some flowers and my mom again freaked out about it. She was crying in my driveway and then she said "I guess I ruined your wedding and I'll just leave then!" She upset me so badly I was crying at this point and I told her she was being so ridiculous and she needed to take a step back and remember what this weekend was about and I had joined another family now and I had my husband's family now too. She ended up ignoring me the rest of the day while we had lunch and opened our gifts. She has never said a word to me and has barely spoken to me since then. It's been a month and she has not apoligized for her behavior. I know she never will.
I'm trying to let it go, but now all I can think of about my wedding day is how my mom acted the morning of my wedding and day after the wedding. I can barely remember any of the ceremony and the reception because how my mom treated me and acted is clouding my memories of the day. I am really angry with her still. I don't even know if it's worth talking to her about.
I think you need to tell your mom that her actions and your memories of the day are so limited that what she did is clouding the good memories and try to talk about the good memories of the day together.
I had to do this to my mom yesterday when she started going on and on about how there weren't enough vendor meals and how my great aunt was so angry i didn't toss my bouquet. and I said to her "you need to stop, i BARELY remember the day and to be honest, all people are doing is complaining to you and then youa re telling me, and its making me feel like no one had a fun time and all the money and time we spent was for nothing because from what you tell me ,everyone had a negative experience." So my mom apologized and she goes "well don't u remember coming up to me at 10:30 and going "mmom my wedding is ALMOST OVER i cant believe its almost over... i am having the time of my life"and i dont remember that at all but my coordinator also said lsomething to me about me going up to her and saying" THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!!" and I am not the type to say stuff like that during the event (thats my husband who does that). So those memories re the kind of things I WANT to remember.
I lost sleep over the vendors not getting enough to eat and I was liek you know what at the end of the dya, they are adults they could have had the caterer make them some sandwiches and asked for it, it didint have to be a big desl.