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Uncertainty
Hey Everyone,
If I could have some advice, I am so utterly confused...
Some background: My husband I have been together for almost 7 years now (married for three). Right after we got married, he was laid off of work and was out of work for 2 years. It was really rough, but we pulled through it with budgeting and living off of my pay. He looked for jobs and started taking classes to brush up on some skills. While he was taking classes he decided to enroll in an acting class as well, and found that he really loves acting. He started acting at our local theatre and when he found a job (a contract job-manufacturing), he started taking acting classes on the weekends. It's been almost a year since he's had his contract job, but it'll be ending in December, and he's been very vocal about wanting to pursue acting as a career. I'm trying to be supportive but I know that acting is very competitive. I think he's very talented, but a part of me wishes he would stick to something more stable, like what he is currently in. However, he hates what he does, and got into it because he knew it was something stable and it paid the bills.
We are currently discussing steps to take right now and steps to take after his contract is done in order to get our finances in order. He has brought up trying to pursue acting on a full time basis. The thing is...inside I just don't feel secure at all with this endeavor. We do have money saved up to keep us afloat for awhile, but I'd rather save it for retirement.
Now we're talking about renting out our house, and moving closer to acting studios to save on gas. And using the rent money to rent a smaller place. Meanwhile, I feel like here I am trying to be supportive and I've expressed that I'm scared of this move, but I don't want to hold him back from doing something he loves. Do I put my foot down, and essentially say no to him pursuing his dream?
Please help with constructive advice....
Thank you...
Re: Uncertainty
Perhaps you could compromise?
Tell him that while you support his efforts he does need to realize that acting is very competitive and not a stable, reliable career for most. Could you request that he find a part-time job at least so that there is something coming in money wise that you CAN depend on while he is looking for acting gigs? Advise him that while you support him, you are not ok with eating into your retirement fund and he's going to need to contribute financially in some way until the acting does pan out.
How do you feel about moving? That does seem to make some sense IF you are going to support him in this endeavor. I assume you have no kids???
Right, we do not have kids. But...as we know, I'm not getting any younger! We've discussed kids, and although we'd love to have kids, we know that it'll be a lot of money to raise one. We've both agreed that we will not have kids till our careers or one career can support having a family.
I'm scared and excited about moving, and I'm trying to look at the moving part as a cool experience since we'd be moving closer to the city. I have given him a deadline of one year. I will bring up the part time to him as well - I just need to feel more secure...
Could he perhaps pursue acting and theatre-related jobs?
He'd have his cake and eat it, too: direct a show in a smallish local production, maybe give acting lessons, maybe contrubute to being a stage manager, set designer or do something lighting and design.
Acting jobs are very tough to find. I know a guy who is a fantastic singer and fantastic actor; he's played lots of summer stock, dinner theatre and did a lot of overseas acting in productions for years. He still is pursuing acting; he's done a lot of local direction and he's still active in many local theatre groups.
You have to be in the right place at the right time. I too am active in the arts (mostly cartoon art and I do some acting/singing) and I know how tough it can be to get recognized.
I've done quite a few local shows and am about to host my second one-woman show; I'm starting to get recognition for my work.:)
There is also the possibility of acting in local commercials. Has he looked into that?
Networking helps! An actor in a production is usually active in quite a few other groups --- somebody is always looking for a director, an assistant director, a stage manager, etc. (that's how we acquired our music directors)
And a website helps, too -- there are websites for actors, actresses and singers and other performers -- he can go get the word out and go "live" with a website.
And I know there are actors, etc who have You Tube channels. Helps to get the word out; ditto a FB page for his acting, etc.
Hone your skills and be on the lookout.:) One never knows.:)
I feel like this is a tough one and I was in the same boat. My husband hates what he does but he is bringing in good money. We originally wanted him to change careers (was in school) but when he was laid off from his last job, he got scared. He found another position in the same field (which he is currently at). He no longer wants to try to change careers right now because he wants to provide for his family. I was also laid off at the same time he was and am pursuing a future SAHM gig. He is sucking it up and will hold off with school until we are more financially secure.
I would definitely talk with your hubby. Share your fears and express to him what this could mean for your future family. He should have a job, at least a part time job while trying to see if he has a future in acting. Like a PP said, it's a highly competitive field. Good luck!!
I come from a family of actors and musicians. (I'm neither.) All of them are very talented and work hard. 1 out of 10 has been able to actually make a living at it. The rest of them all work normal jobs and perform concerts/act in theater productions etc at night and on weekends.
Honestly that's what I'd suggest. But I'm a kill joy regarding that type of thing. I love doing all sorts of things that won't pay my bills. So I have a job and do those things in my free time. To me, part of being a responsible adult is being practical. And I don't think that pursuing your dreams has to be an all or nothing thing. You can still pursue your passions while you build up a retirement fund and save for a child.
Is he SAG? Does he even have an agent? Growing up in Los Angeles with family in the business, I would not encourage him to give up having a paying job to try to "live his dream". Plenty of people have jobs and act as well.
He should get a job that is perhaps more flexible with hours such as a waiter job in the evenings so he can pursue castings and auditions during the day. I was a commercial actress for years. Even with an agent and being SAG, it is a difficult thing and it does not pay as much as he might think. I know many more people that did not make it than did. Just joining the SAG union has steep fees and you need to qualify first.
You don't have to put your foot down and say no outright but you should definitely give him boundaries. Those boundaries IMO should be having a full time paying job of some sort (even if it is a night waiter job 5 days a week), finding an agent and pursuing castings/auditions during the days when he is not working. You should give him a year to find an agent and see if he has even gotten a bite. If not, you should reassess your goals of family and children and see how long you want to "wait" for him to "make it big". Good luck.
Thank you for the suggestions! He has done a few stage directing and directed a few plays at our local theatre. He loves it, and is now looking more towards film. He's currently working with a producer on a web series, which he does on the weekends. It doesn't pay, and he's helping the guy out to get some contacts and experience. I will ask him to create a webpage for himself, as this is a good idea too.
Thank you!!
Thanks! He has agreed that getting a part time job while he is pursuing acting needs to be done. And I have said that a year deadline is in place (starting in 2013). Good luck to you as well. I know it can be scary changing fields.
Thank you for your suggestion. I am a kill joy when it comes to this kind of thing too. I hope your family members continue to do what they love.
I hear a lot about SAG and needing to sign up for this organization. I just don't get it, and pretty much just want my husband to handle that part. Does he have to join SAG?
We've agreed that he needs to have at least a part time job while he pursues acting. As for the agent, I don't quite get how that works either. Does he reach out to them? Or does the agent scout actors at acting classes and it's a "Don't call me, I'll call you" deal? I have no idea...
Thank you so much for your suggestions!!
Couldn't have said it better myself!! =D
Luckily we do not have kids yet. I'm not ready for kids yet, both emotionally and financially. I do want kids, but...not now. I have told him that he needs to have at least a part time job while he finds acting gigs.
I guess the main thing now is him finding a part time job vs a full time job. I will need to discuss this with him more.
Thank you for your posting!
Luckily we do not have kids yet. I'm not ready for kids yet, both emotionally and financially. I do want kids, but...not now. I have told him that he needs to have at least a part time job while he finds acting gigs.
I guess the main thing now is him finding a part time job vs a full time job. I will need to discuss this with him more.
Thank you for your posting!
He never knows where he might find his niche --- and one never knows what a director is looking for.
Harrison Ford was Lucas' house painter --- Mr. Lucas "saw" something in Mr. Ford and he offered Mr. Ford a small part in his upcoming film.
The film was American Graffiti.
And maybe you've heard of Benny Hill --- hell of a funny English comedian --- you can still find his variety comedy show on TV --- you could probably also find him on You Tube (Jane Leeves' first job was as one of Mr. Hill's dancers) --- Mr. Hill found this little old man that he put into his show. He found the guy sitting on a park bench, of all things --- and offered him a job.
Your H might even find his niche in makeup or something else behind the scenes -- or maybe he might try his hand at playwrighting.
I myself love stage makeup and costumes and everything that goes with it. Whenever we have a show, I'm like a big kid at Halloween -- I usually see what else is in my closet that somebody can use, or improvise, for the show.:)
Why not have him get involved with a local repertory or theatre? Even those are competitive, but he won't have to give up his day job.Don't say no, but quitting for this without something in place is incredibly unwise.
You know what they call aspiring actors in LA? Waiters.
lol, yeah, we know that saying all too well. Yes, he's already involved in the local theatre. Deciding to quit all together would be very unwise.
I gave him an example: for instance I'm going back to school to start a different career as well. But I am still working full time to help with the finances. I am hoping he is sensitive to this issue.
Thanks for posting!
I am the debbie downer and am always saying how it is sooo hard to get into Hollywood. This is like a fantasy dream to me. I am very much more practical. Thanks for the examples, but I am still being realistic in our case, and am having boundaries in place (ex. deadline, having a job to keep us financially stable, etc.) Thank you!
)
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-awful-things-nobody-tells-you-about-being-actor/
His dream is about as practical as my childhood dream of being a fairy princess. Best he find another dream.
Honestly. This exactly. I would also not consider moving before he has anything lined up. This somewhat explains why SAG is necessary and what agents do (or don't do). The chance of him finding an agent is slim to none. They don't find you. Even with years of working experience and a SAG card, it is difficult to find an agent to represent you. Since it seems that you and he have no idea of what to expect, I am going to agree wholeheartedly with Kuus' statement above.
Sigh...ok. Well, this is what I want to say to him...but in a nice way. But I guess there's no nice way to put it. So basically, no, don't pursue it. Do local theatre jobs...