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Pity Party-Long
Can I have a pity party while showing you guys how much of an ungrateful brat I am?
So tomorrow is my birthday. DH gave me my birthday present tonight because he was so excited for me to open it. He did make a few comments about how he hoped I liked, it wasn't something I asked for, I'd probably return it, etc. It was a beautiful Coach purse. Just what I would want in a purse. Black leather, good compartments, not too deep, and it didn't have tacky "c"s all over it. He did an excellent job picking it out. Here's the thing- I do not believe in expensive purses. I think it's a ridiculous waste of money. I've never asked for an expensive purse in my life. All I've ever said was how I would never want one. Of course I'm going to take it back. There are plenty of things I want, need, and asked for that I could use that amount of money on.
Now I feel like a big ol' biitch. I've gotten into quite the habit of taking back everything he buys me. And he buys me nice, thoughtful things, but never anything I would want. We always make lists for each other. I get him exactly what he asks for. Then he thinks he's being thoughtful and thinking outside the box and gets me something I don't want. Examples- Miss Me jeans I never asked for two days after I found out I was pregnant, a super fancy cocktail dress for our anniversary to take me to Yamatos (really??). If they didn't cost a decent amount of money, I'd totally just smile, thank him, then set it in the closet and forget about it.
So now I'm annoyed that he spent so much money on an unwanted item and I never get anything I ask for and that I have to hurt his feelings. He's pissed off that I want to return his gift, and now we both have bad attitudes for my birthday. Are we going to turn into one of those couples that just buys themselves what they want and forget about gift giving?
Am I terrible? What would you do if you were me? And don't forget I'm so cheap that it seriously hurts me to spend money (which is probably the root of this whole issue)
Re: Pity Party-Long
First world problems.
Yeah, keep the purse. He obviously put a lot of thought into picking out a nice gift for you. I don't think I've ever taken back a gift H got me, out of principle. I don't think I've ever taken a gift back from anyone, ever, except if it was an item of clothing that didn't fit. I have a few things around here I'll never use or wear because they aren't my style, so either I donate them, or give them to someone who will make use of them. I feel like I'm slapping the gift-giver in the face if I just take a gift back to the store.
That was almost the title of this post.
Keep it. Seriously. Your DH's feelings are more important than your inner cheapness (which, trust me, I understand here.) If you hated it, that would be one thing. If you were totally broke, that'd be another thing. But, unless you do want to be one of those couples who buy their own gifts (we are, for a variety of reasons) you've got to work through this.
I think swearing off expensive purses as a waste of money isn't a good idea honestly. I used to buy purses from target or other cheaper places and I would end up buying several purses a year. I've been carrying the same 'expensive' purse almost exclusively for about 3 years now. The quality is literally that much better that it doesn't need replacing.
And yeah, I'd be pretty hurt if I put a lot of thought and effort into getting something nice for someone and they returned it. Even moreso if I thought they liked it, but decided I wasn't capable of making responsible choices.
I'd keep it too. Repeat after me: "Honey, I'm so sorry I overreacted. This purse is beautiful and it could not be more perfect. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and can't wait to put my stuff in it!"
I hate being wrong, but occasionally I am and have to grovel. Good luck and happy birthday!
Say what Boymom said.
If it helps, I understand completely about shelling out extra dough for purses, shoes, etc. It's hard to pull the trigger. However, I've also learned over the years that it's FAR better to have fewer things, but higher quality. I mean, think of the money that you waste replacing stuff over and over again, and if you throw away your old stuff on top of it...*shudder*. It feels better to have something well-made and high-quality, that you know you can carry forever. Money well spent, if you ask me.
It sounds like he really did well, in my opinion. I'm with you, I don't like logo purses at all - I've always hated Louis Vuitton for that same reason. But this purse sounds classic and tasteful. Keep it, tell him you're sorry that you lost your marbles for a second there and that he is wonderful, and then enjoy the heck out of it.
I completely agree with Wendy. After years of Target-quality bags, I only high quality bags now. The bag I'm currently carrying is one H bought for me Valentine's Day, 2009.
I know it's hard--I sometimes struggle with the same thing when H buys me something I didn't really ask for. I start thinking of how much stuff I truly WANT that I could buy with the money. But you know what? There's a time and a place for that. He really tried, and aside from the price tag it sounds like you don't hate it. Thank him, use it, and move on.
my bookshelf!
Bloggy
Okay, okay, I'll keep it. I groveled too. I do love the purse!
It will look great with my sweatpants since that's all that fits me and I didn't get any clothes that I asked for (okay that's my last shiitty comment. Promise)
Thanks for giving it to me straight ladies. I needed it!
That's the plan! Plus a pedicure. Just waiting on the babysitter to get here.
As an FYI, I had a similar post about three years ago. We had just bought the crap house, we needed to do a TON of work to it and the hubs surprised me with a beautiful pair of ridiculously expensive shoes. I was SO upset. Then, he was upset. It was a huge mess and we fought about it for days. I felt like the money should have been saved to go toward our ugly house. It was a sh!tstorm! I ended up sending the shoes back and then when we were on a trip a few months later, he picked me out a beautiful pair of shoes that was 1/4 of the cost of the original pair that I wear all the time now. But he STILL brings that up. I really hurt his feelings. If you can afford the bag - and you admit, it is gorgeous and has large compartments (sighhhh!), then keep it. It isn't worth the sh!tstorm.